Feeling in a funk (long and babbling)

JrzyMeeba1

My husband asked me last night if I'm happy about having the twins.  He said it seems like since we found out we're having two instead of one, my enthusiasm had died down.  I tried to explain to him that I have so much going on in my head, it's hard to get past all of THAT and show my excitement.  I am excited, but I'm also scared, overwhelmed, and feeling like I have very little control.

I'm a type-A personality.. I like knowing as much detail as I can, doing as much as I can, and having as much control over my life as I can.  Growing two humans basically is out of my control.  I'm reading a ton, I'm trying to prepare myself as much as possible, but I still feel overwhelmed.

There are all of the emotions that I imagine even singleton new mothers feel.. will I be a good enough parent, can I handle this, can we afford this?  But then add on a second child to intensify each of those, and that my entire friend/family network is 500 miles away and not likely to come up to help.  Being a hormonal petri dish isn't helping either.  Oh, and we're barely having sex (compared to before BFP) so I also feel like I'm depriving my husband.

I think today I'm going to start making lists.. things I need before the babies arrive, things that need to be done, planning out our budget now that my peri has suggested I'll be out of work up to 8 weeks sooner than I anticipated.  Making lists usually helps me get a more clear idea of what's going on, and lets me sort through my thoughts.

Thank you to whoever reads this.. I feel 'safer' posting this here than on one of the tri boards, as I'm sure many other MoMs feel this way occasionally too.  I don't want to seem ungrateful for my twins.. or seem unexcited.. I just have to stop letting myself think too much.

JrzyMeeba1

And my puppy just peed Lake Superior on the floor downstairs while I typed that.  I had to laugh.

omalley

I am glad your puppy gave you some much needed comic releif! Sorry if you need to clean it up It is very normal to feel overwhelmed. You also have to remember what a hormonal change your body is going through. Making lists, sorting my thoughts and compartmentalizing (sp?) things really helped me too. I would try to focus or worry about one aspect at a time. I also think managing your expectations will help too. Hang in there!

kelliwill

I think it is totally normal. ?Knowing that you are having two instead of one is a big shock and changes how things will be done financially etc. ?I know for me, I started to bark at my husband about getting things in the house done and what we needs etc. ?It has calmed down a bit, and he is wonderful about getting things done. ?He is currently painting the babies room today. ?But don't be too hard on yourself, it is an adjustment and your feelings are normal. ?Lists help me, as I am usually crazy organized. ?I too will be off work sooner than I expected so again that impacts things financially. ?I plan to draw disability during that time and afterwards too if I have a c-section. ?GL!!

kimby3679

I know how you feel! I was hysterical in the dr's office when they told me (H wasn't able to be there, mom was) Then I went crazy again at the thought that I could have 2 girls (pink everywhere! my own private hell). The next few days I was all messed up and even went into work at the wrong time (thankfully the boss knew and was OK) But even after the shock I took a while to be 'normal' not only was everyone all over be already, but it just made everything that much worse. lists are good. They give you a starting point and something to focus on! Good Luck, it will get better.

shellshavintwins

I prayed for our twins, after three long years TTC and living with a chronic pain disorder that may make this my only pregnancy. That being said, I had no idea what it would be like to carry twins. I know I can love my daughters equally, but it is still overwhelming to prepare for years to have A baby, then switch gears to having two. My family lives three hours away, and it has been hard for us to be so far apart. But with the combination of being so exausted from these girls stealing my energy, and my crankiness it's probably better that way. Just remember all the emotions you are going through are temporary, and you are full of raging hormones right now!

lajolla09.30.06

I'm pretty sure almost all of us felt the same way at least at one point in time.  Having twins does put you out of control a bit, especially when they're unexpected (ours were... no twins in my family)

Just do your best to keep calm and if list-making helps then go crazy with lists  Hopefully you'll feel better about it as time goes on.  I still feel a little out of control some days but just know you're not alone.  You've joined a group of very supportive women and everyone's here to help if you ever need it!

macchiatto

Ditto lajolla and the others! I was very excited to get pregnant our second cycle of ttc--I'd had baby fever for 3 years by that point! But when I found out at 12w that we were having twins, I panicked. I was a little bit excited but a lot nervous, overwhelmed, and like you said, it makes you feel more out of control. Especially when you don't know anyone with twins so you don't know much about what to expect. But you have come to the right place. It might take some time, but you'll adjust to the idea eventually!

atc282

I'm glad women who are already MoMs have posted many positive things to you! I am still PG (first time mom) and I want you to know that I feel like it seems very normal to go through a roller coaster of emotions!! I had a fertility struggle and have felt over the moon to be blessed with my miracles but whenever I thought about how far I was from family/friends/support (I spent the first 5.5 mo. of my PG living abroad in London), I for sure had my meltdown days.

I think it's good that you decided to make lists, get organized, etc. for yourself--do what YOU gotta do to help comfort the anxiety that you are feeling!  And IMO, I think it would be good to share what you told us on the board with your DH---having him on board with all that you are feeling/going through makes communication easier (vs. him assuming you aren't excited about the twins).

Thanks for sharing this post with us and know that we are around and willing to offer any advice/support we can. Hang in there and hope you have a relaxing rest-of-the-weekend!!  Take one day at a time.

hgrogers

While I agree with pp that you have to do what makes you feel better (i.e. making lists, etc. ) - I will tell you from one Type A MoM to another that perhaps the best thing you can do for yourself is let go of the need for control etc. ( the " Type A" stuff) and learn to accept that everyday, you will do the best you can & that is good enough. With all new moms,  it is true that your world will be turned upside down - your house will not be as clean, your relationship with your husband  will be different (but fine!), there will be baby gear & toys all over your house, you wil not be able to come & go as you pleASE. And I promise you that you will be okay with it & will be able to handle it. I'm not trying to scare you. I just know from experience that when I had twins ( I also have a toddler) I had to let go a bit & just role with the punches - it was the best thing I did for myself! Congrats - you will be fine!

JrzyMeeba1

Thank you to all of you, honestly.  I'm wasn't trying to be whiny, and I'm so glad it didn't seem to come off that way.  I spent the rest of my day yesterday focusing my energy on cleaning the house and getting some things done.  DH and I had a great talk last night and I think I explained a lot of why I've been feeling so anxious, moreso than excited.  He knows me very well, and just wants to be supportive.. and if I'm NOT excited, wants to know what he can do to take stress from me so that I can get to excited.

And I've started some lists.  LOL

I know we'll be able to handle this, one way or another.  I'm quite the resourceful chick.. and knowing that I have other MoMs to vent to or get suggestions from is such a huge relief.  Thank you again for your support.. I dislike feeling like I can't do everything, but it's just not realistic.