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Adoption
birth mom/contact
Anyone adopt and have an open relationship with birth mom? HOw often do you talk? DId it change from birth-now? Just want to see what would be normal. I feel like the birth mom may want to talk too often, which is once a week. I thought once a month would be better. It's only been 30 days so far
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Re: birth mom/contact
Let me start by saying that I love our son's birth mother more than words can convey. Without her we would not be a family. Without her love and care, Grant would not be the healthy beautiful boy he is. I will always love her and always feel gratful to her. I get to be with Grant every single day. I get to love him every day with kisses and hugs. I get to see all of his milestones. She does not.
We started our journey with the thought that open adoption would be best - if given the right situation. But we were fearful of the situations in which it would not be healthy to have an open relationship. So we chose semi-open and would take it from there. We only had about two hours with our son's birth mother before we met him and would say good bye to her. But within that short period of time we knew how wonderful she was and how much she loved him. We chose in that moment to giver her our cell phone number as well as an email address, especially created for her. We told her to call or email anytime.
Almost two months went by and we had not heard from her. We were a bit sad but realized that she needed to do what she felt was best for herself. Then we received an email from her. Since that time we have communicated almost every week. Sometimes she just wants to know how he is doing or if he is okay. I imagine that she has these 'pings' in her heart to make sure he is okay - a mother's need to know. And I am good with that. I love her for that.
We take a lot of pride in giving her updates and sending her pictures.
If you feel the communication is too much then you should be honest about it. If you feel there would be a better way to communicate rather than weekly phone calls then be honest about it - such as emails. If you can't take pride in giving updates because you feel it is some form of invasion or not healthy for your family then it would be better to be honest about it and figure out what spacing between updates would allow you to feel better about it. Good luck with your situation.
The whole adoption process is overwhelming then add in new motherhood and that just takes it to a whole new level. Especially with open adoptions because not only are you constantly thinking of your little one you are also worrying how the bmom is feeling, wanting to keep her updated but worried that is it too much or too little. And the newborn stage is just so time comsuming and exhausting.
With our DD's bmom we text,email and chat on the phone. It used to be more often but now there will be several weeks that will pass before I get a text or an email from her. And if I email her pics, sometimes I hear from her, sometimes I don't.
It does get easier. You will hit your own stride and find what is comfortable for you.
Birthmom #1 - we had trouble establishing boundaries initially. Now we text message at least once every day (either me or my husband, she's comfortable contacting either of us) and we talk on the phone with her either separate or together 2-3 times a week. We probably see each other 1-2 weekends a month as well, last night we went to her house and played cards with her and some friends, we attend birthday parties, etc.
Birthmom #2 - isn't local, we email multiple times a day, every day. We don't talk on the phone at all (outside of our initial conversation), because neither of us like to talk on the phone -- thank goodness! I love our ongoing email conversations and we're really learning a lot about each other and looking forward to our upcoming meeting in person.