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Adoption
Feeling stressed
It's 5 weeks until the baby is due. I'm feeling stressed. We're really excited about the baby coming, and we can't wait for him/her to be here. It's just everything else in the meantime.
I've been trying to get ready for going back to school. We aren't required to be there until early Sept. but I'll never be ready if I wait until then. They only give us one paid day to prepare for the start of school -- there's no way to be ready in one day! So I've been going off and on all month.
My principal knows we're adopting and she knows that I requested to take 12 weeks of FMLA and then take the remainder of the year as Child Care Leave. First off, let me say I know she likes having me there at school and I know she thinks I do a good job. So that's a good thing. But she keeps saying things like maybe I should consider coming back to work in May or June . She is saying that because she is concerned that next year HR won't let me return to my art job. They might not - they don't have to contractually. The point of me taking the year off, though, is to be with the baby and see the baby as he/she grows. It's a chance I'm willing to take right now.
She also suggested that I might want to come in off/on throughout the year and consult with and guide the substitute (or substitutes) that would be taking over for me. I'm not being paid to do that. That's crazy. I don't mind helping a sub if he/she has a question, but I'm not going to physically come in and go over everything throughout the year. I asked if I could meet with the sub ahead of time (on my own time) before I go on leave and she said HR won't even hire someone until I make the phone call that the baby is being born. Oh, and she said it's possible that they would hire multiple subs instead of just one, too. So forget being proactive and responsible.
I'm just frustrated. I'm a hard worker. I like to be prepared. I want to leave things so that my sub can come in and do a good job. I feel like things are being made much more difficult than they need to be. I almost feel like she's trying to make me feel guilty for taking the time off.
Thank you for letting me vent. I've been on the verge of tears since I got home. I don't want to worry about all of this...
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Re: Feeling stressed
I think it's pretty typical, especially if you're a good worker.
You may have to just stand your ground and tell her that you will be focusing on your baby, and can't be expected to come in all the time to deal with subs.
Vent away!
Vent away! Take it one day at a time, since there are so many variables up in the air.
I can't believe the baby is due in 5 weeks!
From an employer standpoint - no matter how much I supported my employees when they made the decision to take extended time off or leave the work world for mommy-land ... it was hard to be supportive from an employers practical standpoint. While the law must be obeyed for leave time - it doesn't make it practical from an employer/professional standpoint.
Yes, she is trying to guilt you. She wouldn't be doing her job if she wasn't IMO - especially, if you are good at what you do. It's a compliment and she is trying to prevent the need for subs/multiple subs.
Don't close all doors. Mommy-land is wonderful but plenty of mommies find out once in the thick of losing themselves that work even if part-time is a much needed relief. Babies are not burdens and are amazing to watch grow but they can take their toll on your identity and sanity. Maybe just leave some options open - you never know how you will actually feel come next May. Every expectation I had about what being a mommy was like has turned out a bit differently. Most thoughts or ideals I had about the type of mommy I would be has turned out differently. Most expectations I had about what our baby would be like, act like, etc has turned out to be different. Don't back yourself into corner :-) It's okay to have other things that you like besides your child (ie: being an art teacher ;-) ).
I actually think it is pretty reasonable to want you to come in to check up on the sub (s). Doesn't mean you have to want to do it or do it. But she knows you know your area better than anyone else...so why not ask.
I would not tell you no, you really don't want to risk losing your job, especially since I don't think that art jobs are that easy to come by -with so many districts cutting arts and all. Or am I wrong in this assessment?
You may be ready for some non-face time with baby by then. Yes, you love them, but its an adjustment that can get rough.
Don't say no, say we'll see. Don't turn her down, leave it open. Be willing to support the subs-- you may not need to do more than phone calls now and then...but that is enough to keep you in the job. Ultimately the baby benefits if their family is financially sound.
Hugs from a fellow teacher!
What she is asking you is crazy. Are you in a teacher's union? If our union got wind of her requests--coming back early or coming in to consult with a sub (a certified teacher being paid a full salary!), the s$%# would hit the fan!
You chose this profession for a reason, right? Not all employers offer a year parenting leave. I know this is partially why I chose to be a teacher--the schedule and the opportunity to stay home. Look, you waited for a long time for this baby. Worked hard. You deserve support from your administrators. She IS making you feel guilty.
I teach special ed and there still isn't a sub hired for me. I went in today for the first time. My principal was surprised to see me, and asked if I'd mind talking to the sub (they eventually hire) via phone. I said of course. But there's no expectation that I go back in . . .
Just try to let it go a bit. Believe me, this will be easier after the baby arrives. I am a control freak special ed teacher who really loves her job. I also worked for so many years to save my sick days for when we finally had a child. But I love my baby more and am having a blast at home. It will all be ok. The kids will get taught . . . any teacher worth his/her weight will figure it out.
Katie
Dr. L - Thanks for 'listening.' I like the way you phrased it - that I will need to focus on the baby.
Glynn and MayDay- Thank you for letting me vent.
Yes, you are right that art jobs aren't necessarily the easiest to come by, but at the same time a child care leave is a child care leave. That means that they are hiring a sub that they feel confident enough to teach my class for the remainder of the year. And yes, I'm more than happy to help them along the way with advice, but my priority this year will be my child not doing the job of the sub that is being paid (while I am not being paid).
Katie - Thank you. Yes, I'm part of a union. Yes, I'm speaking with my union president next week. Not because I was planning to, but because one of my coworkers recommended giving her a 'heads up' and letting her know that I'm going to be out.
Yes, I've worked hard. Yes, teaching does have its benefits - one of them being child care leave. Yes, she knew about our struggles along the way and supported me, but she is trying to make me feel guilty and like I shouldn't take the time off.
I WANT to talk to the sub - just like they askedyou - and they don't have that part figured out yet. They probably won't because they wait so long with everything. I want to be proactive and responsible and they are setting it up so I can't be. It's not fair, especially for the students - it could be a much easier transition for them if I could talk with the sub first.
Thanks for reminding me that I need to 'let it go' a bit. You're right - a teacher who they hire as a sub is going to figure it out. You know how it is, though - I just want to do my very best and leave it as easy as I can for the sub.
Thanks everyone for listening to me. I had a hard couple of days. Thanks for understanding and giving me feedback.
Thanks, sh4602. I called HR on Friday and will try him again on Monday. I'm hoping to talk to the director and get some more info on the sub situation.
I'm sorry that your principal wasn't happy that you hadn't told her.
Oh good I'm glad you are talking to your union rep. I am not one to rock the boat on things like this, but it is wise as they know your contract best. FMLA can be tricky. I'm not going to even pretend to give advice on it. All I can tell you is that I couldn't even show up for a day of inservice or it would be mess up my leave time.
Not to sound negative at all, but I told our district not to post my job until I was sure that the adoption would go through--TPR. Of course the big difference is that occured on June 25th, not late August! I totally hear what you are saying. I wrote up millions of notes too (loop with kids, so I'd have the same group this year). I guess if I were you, I would just keep making notes, organizing your room, as best you can. Yesterday, I literally wrote notes like, "Use the shelf in the corner to store all of the Everyday Math materials." It made me feel better. ;-)
It will be ok. Let your principal lose sleep over finding a sub. Why she gets paid the big bucks!
Thanks for making me feel better and for the advice.