WWYD if DH drank and drove with DC?

amiamish

A friend of mine is having an issue with her DH, he like to go drink a couple beers with friends after work, then he goes and picks up DC. He's not DRUNK, but he has been drinking and she can smell it on his breath. She has told him to just tell her he's drinking and she will gladly pick up their kid, but he doesn't think its a big deal and continues to do this. She's almost to her breaking point and is running out of will power to deal with this...

WWYD/or say?

xbrooklyngrl

My DH knows my stance on this and its something I feel strongly about, I am NOT ok with it. I realize he's not drunk but if heaven forbid something happened, I'd never forgive him and blame it on the fact that he had a few beers.

So, he would not be picking up my DD.

amiamish

PMQ:

One chance to fix the problem, then he'd be finding a new place to live.

It may seem harsh but it's a deal-breaker for me that DH has known about since we dated. My father was hospitalized for 8 months because he was run over by a drunk driving a tractor trailer, I have ZERO tolerance for drinking at all and then driving, that's why taxis were invented.

Even if it's only a couple beers, socially, and they are not buzzed/impaired at all? (playing devils advocate)

EliseB0323

I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but for one or two beers I don't think it's a big deal if the husband is not impaired by a beer or two. Depends on the person. I could drive fine after drinking one beer or one glass of wine, but I probably wouldn't drive right after drinking two.

My husband does not drink at all though, so it's hypothetical for me.

ILoveBoys

Flame away, but my DH has a couple and then drives. I don't see anything wrong with it. He's not impaired at all. (At 6foot 6inches, 2 beers don't touch him lol) But if we was drinking enough to be impaired then I def. would have a problem with it.

amiamish

EliseB0323:

I'm probably going to be the only one saying this, but for one or two beers I don't think it's a big deal if the husband is not impaired by a beer or two. Depends on the person. I could drive fine after drinking one beer or one glass of wine, but I probably wouldn't drive right after drinking two.

My husband does not drink at all though, so it's hypothetical for me.

that was my thoughts too, but then on the other hand-it's annoying because this is something my friend feels VERY strong about (DH not drinking & driving with DC) and is willing to pick up DC when DH wants to drink-but he won't tell her when he's doing it... which I think is disrespectful.

kevschickee2

If it was 1-2 beers I would be ok with it since he has done it with all of us in the car.  Now if he was tipsy then I would be mad but a beer or two with dinner is no big deal

mlm1128

1 or 2 I would be fine with.  And he would call me if he knew he had too much.  He's good about that.

It doesn't matter that others feel that way though.  If it bothers your friend, he should not do it. Period, end of story.

dpdw

I don't have a problem with either of us having a one or two drinks at a restaurant with the kids & then driving home.  But, "a couple of beers" with coworkers is rarely 1 or 2 and it's usually on an empty stomach -- that I'd have a problem with.

That said, we live in a state where the legal limit is roughly 1-2 drinks.  But, the state next to ours has a zero tolerance law -- so we never drink & drive there.  If DH & I were having a disagreement about drinking & driving I would bring up the legality of it.

Littlejen22

One drink, ok - several, not ok.

amiamish

thank you for the responses- I've sent her the link so she can read your answers.

happ17

Well, if my DH did that we?d have a problem, because he doesn?t drink and if he did, it wouldn?t stop at one or two.

But hypothetically, if it?s enough to smell it on him, I would have a problem with it. He may not be impaired or feel buzzed, but let?s just say the police or state troopers decide they?re doing registration or seatbelt checks, or he runs a red light or gets pulled over?if the police smell it on his breath they sure as hell aren?t going to let him keep driving. I don?t really need my kid to witness his dad (or mom) go through a drunk driving test or breathalyzer, nor do I want him getting stuck waiting in a car while it?s happening, either.

DandR

Here's the thing....if he is showing up at a daycare and the people do not know him, and they smell beer on his breath, I would be worried about the daycare calling cops or CPS or something....and THAT would worry me more than the one or two beer thing.

I would try to convince DH to wait until he is home to have a beer or two just because I wouldn't want that judgement from some 18-25 year old girls working at some daycare.

That said, my BIl drove with my neice drunk, got pulled over and sent to jail, my neice had to sit in her car seat until her mom came and picked her up, it was a very unhappy situation for everyone and I'm actually SUPER THANKFUL he got pulled over because who knows what could have happened...it was a good 20 minute ride home from where he was at....and he got pulled over pulling out of the parking lot.  If my DH EVER pulled ANYTHING REMOTELY CLOSE to that, it would be a deal breaker....game over.  Putting my kids in danger is not ok EVER...even if it ended up ok.

Ciarrai

Ok, we have a rule in our family.  If either of us is uncomfortable with something to do with the girls, we don't do it.  To me, it doesn't matter if her DH is only having one or two and perfectly fine to drive.  What matters is that it's making her uncomfortable and upset and there's no reason for it.  A phone call to say "Hey, I'm stopping off after work with the guys.  Can you pick up DC and I'll meet you at home?" doesn't seem unreasonable.

DH doesn't drink...or at least very very rarely drinks.  DH grew up in a Baptist household with "no drinking" and yet FIL is an alcoholic.  DH is very sensitive about drinking in general and he isn't comfortable if I have anything with the girls in the car.  I'm fine with one or two (over a period of time) and he knows it and I know it, but it makes him uncomfortable (or used to) so I don't have anything when I have the girls with me.  It's a PITA sometimes when we're doing a "mommy friendly" playdate with wine or something but either everyone comes to my house or I don't drink.  DH is starting to be more comfortable with it as we've been together longer and longer and he knows how little I drink and how people can drink responsibly.  A few times, he's said to have a glass of wine even when I had the girls with me.  I haven't yet b/c I want him to be 100% comfortable, but if he gets there, then I will.  If not, I won't. 

There are other things (mostly involving the ILs) that make me uncomfortable.  While DH doesn't think they're a big deal, he respects that in the same way and doesn't do them.   It's just better for us to work this way.

 

ETA - I didn't mean that it wouldn't be a much much much bigger deal if her DH was driving drunk or impaired.  I just meant that anything that makes her uncomfortable should be avoided.  Obviously, if he's driving drunk or impaired, that's a deal breaker for me and he'd be out on his @ss so quick you couldn't blink (or at least in rehab).

hopefulmom

Wouldn't bother me.  It obviously bothers your friend.  She needs to pick up the kid...always.  Then there would be no complaint from her if he does this.  I think the one pp has a point...1-2 is rarely 1-2 when DH is with the "guys"...although if it truly is 1-2 then it is not a problem for me.  As for a cop (or anyone) smelling alcohol on his breath...they would know when/if they do a breathalyzer test that it would register below the legal limit for driving.  He would not loose his licence if he is below the legal limit...contrary to what the one pp said.  BTW...my DH can have one sip and I can smell it on his breath!