NPR - Am I being unreasonable or judgmental?

sarahslost

Ok, this is probably going to get a tag long, so I apologize.

DH has this friend from high school (he's still friends with all those guys) whom I really do not care for and feel as though I have a legitimate reason.

When said friend was still in college (quite a few of the guys went to the same place), he and a frat brother had a tad too much to drink and tossed a puppy of a bridge into freezing cold water.  Of course, the puppy died.

He was kicked out of school, and there were a few other repercussions as well.  He wasn't my favorite person before this, but I was ok with him.  After this happened, I honestly want nothing to do with him.  If DH does, fine, but I don't even want to hear about him.  In fact, I've basically refused to go to his wedding (not a fan of the fiance either for various reasons, some related to this same issue.)

Everyone says he's really a good guy and got scr*wed when all this went down.  It's not like he's ever denied he did it.  I think the puppy may have been ill, but SO WHAT?

xbrooklyngrl

umm, he sounds like a douche. Who does that? Especially as an adult...college age is an adult.

BubblyToes

I'm thinking I would want NO association with a puppy killer.  That kind of person is NOT a good guy in my book.

Brewster

Umm...that makes me feel ill. 

katie277s

Dude sounds like a whack-a-doo.  I wouldn't want to be anywhere around him either. 

jessicaclare

Anyone that would think killing an innocent puppy is a good idea, alcohol or not, is not a good person in my book. Sorry, but that just shows a complete lack of respect for life IMO. I really don't believe in asking your spouse to terminate a friendship, but this is a situation where I might consider doing just that.

People that can hurt animals like that really freak me out.

mikeandmonica

Definitely not unreasonable, and honestly, I wouldn't be happy with my DH being friends with him OR the people that think what he did was no big deal. I wouldn't go so far as to say that he couldn't be friends with them, but I would definitely not be happy about it.

mlm1128

I find it hard to believe that anyone who kills puppies for fun is "really a good guy who get screwed".  He probably deserved worse, and I would not associte with him either.

sarahslost

So sorry, Brew.

Thanks, ladies.  I know it frustrates DH that I feel this way.  Everyone kept trying to say that this was out of character, blah blah blah.  But I really just don't give a hot d*mn.  I don't know anyone else who pulled a stunt like that.

His now fiance sent out a mass e-mail back then asking everyone to be supportive and I think even sign some kind of petition.  Some mess about how a guy in a nearby city stabbed some guy on the street and only got 3 years in prison, and how scewed it was, wasn't fair blah blah blah.

Yes, the other guy should have gotten way way more time, but you can't use a messed up system to make excuses for this.

sarahslost

Oh, there is definitely a part of me that wants to ask DH not to have any contact with him, but it would cause HUGE issues in our relationship.

There are a couple other friends of his that I'm not fond of for various reasons, but nothing NOTHING like this.  And I keep it to myself.  This one is very hard for me though.  Makes me sick every time I think about it.

And he and my SIL recently were trying to help him get a job, at my SIL's employer.  WTF?!

camrude

No way no how would I be friends with that guy. That is f*'d up.

Littlejen22

I would 100% judge him and not want my kids around him - animal killers are usually sociopatic personalities.  To play devil's advocate - how long ago was it and how has he supposedly changed?  If the only think people can say is that he got a bad wrap and not that he has changed and something like that would never happen again and a lot of years have passed, then I might say to try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Not that it's the same thing but my step-daughter once tried to tell me that 3 boys she was a senior in high school with who did a smash and grab at a liquor store...she said they were "good kids who made a mistake".  Um, no, good kids do not do that, maybe they will turn into good adults one day but not a month after the crime!