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Adoption
crystalpopcorn
member
HTT: Fundraising
crystalpopcorn
member
in Adoption
How do you feel about fundraising for adoption? Is it appropriate? Inappropriate? Sometimes appropriate and sometimes not?
I have been thinking quite a bit about this lately. I don't know how I feel about it. I decided this might be a good Hot Topic, since we haven't had one in a while.
Why is it acceptable for people to launch fundraising campaigns for adoption? If someone lost a job and was selling raffle tickets to afford groceries, they would probably be seen as asking for handouts. Right? Do people do fundraisers for fertility treatments (I really don't know the answer)? If not, why? Is it because they don't want to advertise their infertility? Does the fact that adoption is a service to the community and helping a child make fundraising ok? Are there some situations in which fundraising is more appropriate than others (for example, adopting a special needs child or trying to bring an older child home from an orphanage)
BTW, I define "fundraising" as selling raffle tickets, hosting pancake breakfasts, asking for donations, etc. I personally don't think that selling things on CL/etsy/ebay/garage sales is the same thing, even if money raised from sales is used for the adoption fund. That might be worth discussing too though.
Let's discuss.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: HTT: Fundraising
Mine is an unpopular opinion, but I think that it is pretty inappropriate to flat out ask for donations. I am not trying to minimize the cost and financial strain it may place on some couples but it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I don't necessarily look at adoption as being a "service to the community" so that doesn't make a difference in my mind. I would give the same response to someone who was asking for a check for their fertility treatments.
If people wish to offer their help, that is great... but short of *possibly* parents, I think asking anyone else to contribute money is awful. I'll probably be flamed for this, but I do feel as though children, how ever they come to you, are really a choice that I'm not sure why others should be expected to help fund.
I don't think eBay/grarage sales in the same catagory at all.
Personally, I feel like it's up to each couple and what they feel is right for them. We've raised 90% of our funds ourselves, I am working a second full-time job in addition to my regular full-time job. We were also lucky that the IRS recently notified us that they had made mistake and owed us money, which will just about round out our fund in addition to my second job. Family/friends have asked us how to donate, we've done a couple of small scale fundraisers (that honestly don't raise a ton -- our calendar raised ~$150, raffle raised ~$350, and other donations ~$1100).
My opinion is, no one is forcing anyone to donate -- we certainly didn't go directly to any individuals and ask for $. We put the information and button out there, and didn't think any less of anyone if they didn't donate. I view it no differently than the donation requests I receive for various walk/jog/runs or other fundraisers -- is it my personal responsibility to fund research for whatever disease/cure is currently all the rage? No, but typically because I care about the person, I'll make a $5-10 donation, every little bit helps. I feel the same way about our adoption fund. It's no one's responsibility to fund it but ourselves. But if someone wants to help out, every little bit helps. I prefer to give my money to my church, people I know, and knowing what it is going for, than to some research foundation, knowing it will pay a CEO a large salary/bonus for that year. But again, this is my own personal justification. 99% of the people around us have been supportive and positive. I truly believe during times like these you find out who really loves you -- and again, that love doesn't equal monetary support. It could be an encouraging word and prayers.
I think it's a personal decision and whatever decision my family makes doesn't mean it's inappropriate for another family to make the opposite decision.
Early in our process a friend who is a Tastefully Simple consultant offered to host an online TS party and donate her proceeds to our adoption fund. After much thought, we decided to go for it. It raised enough money to pay for our fingerprints, background checks, and a few other fees.
A few months later another opportunity presented itself. We decided not to proceed with any additional fundraising because of the state of the economy. We have both been blessed with good paying jobs and we have several family members and friends who have been caught in lay-off's, etc. This was a decision we made based on our "circle of influence".
I figure everyone will do what they feel is right in their circumstance.
Now, if I were talented at making and selling goods then I would not consider that fundraising. I would consider it starting a business venture for profit and what a business owner does with her profits is not my concern. I'm all for free market!
Fundraising was not something we felt comfortable with. But I have a hard time asking the smallest of favors. We're probably pretty reserved when it comes to money and putting it all out there.
Would I support a loved one's fundraising efforts? Maybe . . .Probably. Or more likely, I would help in a tangible way--buying a boatload of diapers, or other baby essentials. In addition to adoption expenses, we bought 90% of our baby car needs (showers not til after placement) and that is an unexpected financial shocker!
You know what's funny. I almost referred to your necklaces in my original post. I was very close to saying saying "I don't think that selling things on Etsy (like Fred's neclaces) is the same thing as 'fundraising'" LOL. I'm glad you responded.
I personally have a hard time asking for hand-outs too. I was even uncomfortable with the idea of a baby shower, since I knew the premise was that people would bring gifts. I had an equally hard time with my son's first birthday party, and will likely have the same dilemma with the second party.
I don't think I can ask for funds for the adoption. People know it is expensive, and if they want to offer assistance, then they certainly can. It just seems to me that right now, with everything going on in the economy, asking people to help fund my family growth is inappropriate. Please understand that I am referring to MY family, and not others. We are established and have a very healthy income. It seems selfish of us to choose adoption and then ask people if they want to contribute. I don't think that there is anything wrong with fundraising, per se. It just isn't something that I am comfortable with personally.
I will add that every year, our family asks what we want for Christmas. This year, I will have no problem responding that we should either not exchange gifts at all, or that DH and I prefer money or gift cards in lieu of the regular gifts.
My sister threw a fundraiser for us, she's a photographer and offered to take family pictures and donate the money to us. So no one gave money except for something in return (and she did the pics for $150 les than normal so it was a great deal) but she gave us her time.
I think when people are selling something it's totally fine, garage sales etc, but asking donations is not IMO.
BTW when our agency lost its license we gave back all the $$
I don't get it either. How could an etsy shop offend someone?
People are offended by ANYTHING. I've seen people offended by names people pick for their children. Give me a break!
An Etsy shop is a business. And as I said before, a business woman can do whatever she wants with money she earns!
I think it's odd that people would be offended by someone adding a Paypal link for donations to their blog. If you don't like it, don't donate or don't read the blog. Some people have family & friends who DO want to donate and want a way to do so online.
Yeah, that would be weird! And probably against some TOU statement. lol
I actually agree with you.
I also think that if it is more of a private matter within a family then to each their own family. I would not want to receive a letter, email or other method of solicitation of money to help someone with fertility treatments or adoption or any other personal need.
A lot of this may depend on your family/friend dynamic but I would wonder if ppl were contributing out of pity/sympathy or guilt.
I also agree with you 100%. If we decide to have a child through adoption, that is our choice, and therefore our responsibility to make sure we can afford it. We'll have a big yard sale in a few weeks, but our house is not near family/ friends and we don't intend to tell people what we are using the profits for.
We have been offered money from my parents but at this point keep saying "only if we get a situation we can't afford" and even then I would want to pay it back.
I personally think to each their own.
MH and i have the same belief. We have decided that adoption was right for us and the way we would build our family, so that being said, we have asked noone (ok... except for the bank) for money. I could never ask anyone flat out for funds or donations. I picked up an extra p/t job and MH helps with side jobs to fund our choice.
I have no problem with Etsy shops, garage sales, etc to help raise funds either.
At this point, both sets of parents have asked how they can help, but we are OK right now. If we decide we need their financial assistance, it would be by a pay back agreement only.