Eco-Friendly Family

Army :)

You are a tad bit more experienced in the military life so I figured I'd ask you.  I have horrible social anxiety, not really debilitating, but bad enough to keep me from knowing what to do on making friends.  I can come up with a ton of excuses (no matter how legit I think they are) of why I haven't met anyone here yet.  Bottom line, I NEED to make friends here and I have no idea how.  We are a one car family so for me to have the car while DH is at work that means I'd have to wake the kids up and pack them in the car to get DH to work by 5 am and then wake them up again to pick him after midnight.  Soooo not worth it to me.  His schedule is like one/two days on and then one/two days off so he is home frequently for me to go do what I want, but I just don't know where to start! 

I guess I wanted to know if you thought this sounded good...  today we took the kids to the pedi for a well check and they have BF support group on Mondays.  I thought maybe that would be a good place to go in hopes of meeting new people since I know we all atleast have two things in common (mom and BF).  What do you think?  And does this friend-making thing ever get easier?  I'm such a wallflower but I need to have atleast one friend to be here with me when he gets deployed next year... Any advice much appreciated. :)

Re: Army :)

  • It is tough, very tough to make friends when you move so much.  And it's so easy to get wrapped up in our children and use them as excuses to not get out of the house.  I know that first hand.  Before DH deployed and before DS arrived I didn't meet anyone really.  We even live on post so we have neighbors very close to us and lots of SAHMs so it should have been easy and probably would have been if I would have made an effort but I didnt.  

    I had met a few people just in passing because DH worked with neighbors and I was introduced to their spouses.  Finally after he was gone I said "Screw it" and just grabbed DS and went and knocked on a neighbor's door to say hello.  And now we're good friends who hang out a lot since her hubby is deployed as well.  It just took some courage to finally decide that I was tired of being at home by myself. 

    Another route I took was checking meetup.com for a local mommy group.  I joined one before DS arrived but figured out after a while that it just wasnt for me so I havent been active in it but another mom started a spin off group more geared towards CDing, AP, etc and those ladies have been great.  More like minded, etc. 

    I think the breastfeeding group is a wonderful way to get to know people.  It might take a few times to get to know the ladies there but you should totally give it a try.  Don't give up after just one meeting though because that's not enough time to relax and get to know people.  

    Does it get easier?  Hmm, I'm gonna have to say that we've got to change our mindset and decide that we are going to put ourselves out there and in situations where we can meet people.  They arent going to come to us so we can't sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves :)  

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  • Another way I met someone was through someone I knew from a previous assignment.  She knew someone up here she thought I might get along with so she set us up through Facebook.  It worked out really well that way.  Do you know anyone from previous assignments that might know someone where you are now? 
  • Hmm, I'm gonna have to say that we've got to change our mindset and decide that we are going to put ourselves out there and in situations where we can meet people.  They arent going to come to us so we can't sit at home and feel sorry for ourselves :)  
     

    I totally agree with this.  I guess its just that I don't really know what to do, lol.  I'm definitely ready to put myself out there, especially living in the middle of nowhere, I have no idea where to go.  I've even braved the extreme heat out here a few times to take the kids to the park only to get there and the whole place be deserted b/c all the other moms and their kids were smart and in the a/c somewhere, lol.  Oh well.  I'm definitely going to go to that BF group.  I'm hoping I'll meet someone on the first go, not becasue I don't want to go again, I do, but its on Mon. and DH is only off one Monday in the next 3 wks!  blech, oh well.  I'm going to give it my best shot though.

  • imageArmyQM:
    Another way I met someone was through someone I knew from a previous assignment.  She knew someone up here she thought I might get along with so she set us up through Facebook.  It worked out really well that way.  Do you know anyone from previous assignments that might know someone where you are now? 

    no, this is our first duty station.  the last base we were at was an AFB while DH was in school for his MOS and all of our AF buddies are in Germany and we are now at a Marine base.

  • Be sure to check out Meetup.com and see if there are any groups on there that interest you. 

    What about the Fleet & Family Support Center (isnt that what they call it?).  You might check there and see if they have any mom groups.

    Are you living on base or off?  I even just stop and introduce myself to neighbors when we're out on walks.  

  • Does your hubby work with anyone who has a spouse he thinks you might like to meet?  You can always invite them over for dinner to size them up :) 
  • What about the FRG or whatever the Marines call theirs?  Have they had any predeployment meetings?  I bet there are some moms in your hubster's unit that have kids the same age as yours so you could coordinate a play group or something. 
  • I'll definitely check the meetup thing.

    *sigh*  I'll tell you this really funny story.  I'm an artist (man, that still sounds really weird to say) anyways, got my BFA and everything, yadayadayda, and he comes home one day and says, "Hey I met Sgt so-and-so and his wife went to school for art too and she's really into it..." insert other comments about how he thought we would get along.  So I get really excited and say, "Awesome, you should invite them over to dinner."  He says,

    "Oh, well she moved to Washington when he got deployed so she's not here."

    Why did you even tell me then!?  ugh.  Honestly, its like everyone he meets either their wife didn't want to live out here in no man's land with their husbands or they are single.  I know there's a few moms that live close to me, but I never see any of them!  I've tried to talk to one before but she was really.... not interested, I'll just say it that way.  Oh and we live in base  housing off base. 

  • I hope you find a good avenue to meet someone.  All it takes is one because then they'll introduce you to people and it goes from there. I can't say I have a really really good friend here but at least I have one or two people I could call if I needed something. 

    I agree it's tough though and our situations don't help us much, do they?  Being without a vehicle to go and do as you please is difficult I'm sure and your housing situation isn't ideal either.  Not sure really what the ideal is though :)  

  • lol, have NO idea what ideal is.  Thanks for all the advice and for letting me know I'm not the only one who finds this hard :)
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