Help...MIL is a shopaholic!

ColTim32

My MIL is getting a little too overboard with the shopping.  I had a feeling this would happen, because when we got married she couldn't stop buying stuff for us off of our registry or she'd pick up random things for us because "they were on sale."  Well, now she's started with the baby clothes.  This will be her 10th grandchild, so it's not like she's a new grandmother. But my DH is her "baby." He's the youngest of 6 kids. 

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the stuff, but it's a little overwhelming/annoying.  She showed up on Sunday with about 15 outfits and then she stopped by last night with about 15 more.  And she's going to a sale at Kohl's on Wednesday, so she's planning on buying more!  How can I make her stop?  My baby girl is gonna have so many clothes we won't know what to do with them.  Not to mention that I feel like she's trying to make it so our baby's wardrobe is soley picked out by grandma. Doesn't she realize other people will be buying us tons of clothes too? Not to mention that'd I'd love to buy a few things for her too.

She also keeps bugging me about when we are going to register, because she wants to buy stuff off the registry. I keep telling her we'll register when we have time and figure out what we want to register for.  She sort of grunted when I said this like I'm putting her off or something.  How do I make it stop or do I just have to grin and bear it?  My DH's response is that she's gonna buy stuff and we can't stop her. I guess at least when we register, she will hopefully start buying more stuff we will need! I hope she leaves a few things left on there for people to buy for the shower:)

bannedmonkey

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!

Seriously, what you don't (and DO) use you can donate. It will benefit more than you in the end.

SLHurst11

Leave the tags on everything until you actually use it.  You can post what you've never gotten around to using on craiglist with the phrase "new with tags".  Other new mommies generally flock to posts with that phrase.  Use the extra cash for some diapers! 

jkfranklin

I agree with the pp.  It could be worse.  If you know where she bought the clothes, couldn't you return them and get what you want?

Nicole731

Uh, wow. If you don't appreciate all that stuff, you can send it my way. I can use all the help I can get at this point and would be extremely grateful if my MIL even sent us ONE outfit.

blessedinthewest

I'd register ASAP.  Use it to your advantage!  If you register at least she will hopefully buy stuff you actually want/need.

I was thinking about this the other day.  I think it is really nice that family members want to buy stuff for the baby but ideally I would like to pick the clothes/style my baby wears.  I don't have the same style as my mom and in laws.  I would have preferred getting organic and simple outfits.  But I guess beggers can be choosers!

Barneso

Nicole731:

Uh, wow. If you don't appreciate all that stuff, you can send it my way. I can use all the help I can get at this point and would be extremely grateful if my MIL even sent us ONE outfit.

 

This!!!!!!!!!!

jennybeams

Wow, you are ungreatful, aren't you?

llc730

Althought I can see how this might get a little overwhelming and seem a little intrusive it is probably not worth the battle, IMO. I would pick out a bunch of your favorites and dress LO in them when grandma is around. The rest you can return/donate/craiglist. I would also probably try to find time to register soon so at least she is buying things that you and your DH picked out and are more practical than the umteenth cute pink outfit.

stckgrl79

Its tough.  When my mom and MIL went crazy buying stuff we told them how much we appreciate it and accepted everything.  After awhile, my MIL realised a lot of stuff still had tags on it and DD had outgrown it so she calls whenever she wants to go shopping and asks, what size, what do we need/want and always gives us the reciepe now.  Last big purchase was our next carseat.   Just enjoy the purchases and thank her.  Like everyone said you can always donate it...or if you go to a shower you can add it to your gift with a little note saying, I love this__________ but never got to use it, hope you can.  My girlfriends loved getting stuff like that from me in addition to gifts I bought them.

loregopar

I agree with pp. Either give it away to others that need it (Nicole, for example), return it and get stuff you need, or sell it later on. Or even your exchange them for a larger size, which you'll use later on. Your MIL is being extremely generous, and you should be grateful for it. If the things she's getting are not your style or not what you need, there are ways to get around that.

If MIL asks later where such outfit is and why your girl has never worn it, just say it doesn't fit anymore, and you gave it away, or it doesn't fit yet. 

Ncaminiti

I'm in a similar situation my MIL randomly picks stuff up for us and now she has an excuse. She got me a just because gift card to motherhood for my clothing.

I have to agree with the OP and ur hubby it's not like you can't donate stuff and NOTHING will stop her. I've decided I'm going to send her a nice card with a personalized message thanking her for everything she gave us. I might even put the LO hand print on the card depending on when I send it.

Mrs.Keith2B

Donate some of that stuff & use it as a tax write-off!

mrs_sherod

Where I can understand how it's frustrating, let her buy for the baby.  You will find some things that you like, and other you can return or give to others.  My MIL has not purchased a thing for Mason, so try to be thankful.  Think of the money you don't have to spend for now.

KellyLouise...

You can send some of your "excess" to me if you'd like! I LURVE presents!

chick730

Nicole731:

Uh, wow. If you don't appreciate all that stuff, you can send it my way. I can use all the help I can get at this point and would be extremely grateful if my MIL even sent us ONE outfit.

 This!  Consider yourself lucky.  My MIL doesn't really aknowledge our baby...and this is her first grandchild.

kimberleigh30

Let her buy you whatever she wants.  You'll come to appreciate it, once she stops buying your stuff and you have to buy all this stuff on your own.

vmm0016

Register right away and just be grateful she can do this for you! 

KaseyBrent

My mom does the same thing... I totally understand your frustration. I ended up using some of the stuff, I felt bad she spent some much money and effort buying all this stuff. I exchanged a ALOT for stuff I wanted to have our son in (my mom and I have VERY different tastes). A lot also ended up going in  bin's for our next child. And a lot of it is still virtually brand new, so once we are done having kidlets, we can sell it on craigslist or donate it to a charity in need of baby clothes.

star678

I don't get what the actual problem is...

Use common sense.  Dress your kid in the stuff she bought you that you like.  Return, exchange, sell, or donate the rest.  Be grateful and say thank you. NOT hard.

BakerMommy

Does she leave tags on?  If so, you might be able to keep a few (and make sure she wears them around grandma), then exchange the rest for sizes/styles you like.  Best of both worlds?

bride2be79

My suggestion would be to have DH talk to her and explain that you really, really appreciate all the stuff she's bought but you're afraid the baby will outgrow it before she gets to wear it so please stop for the time being.  Also, have DH tell her if she really wants to buy stuff then you would really appreciate it if she would either buy you (insert bid ticket item here) or put the $ she would have spent in a college fund.  You can set up one of those 528s (or whatever they are called) before baby is born.  If she still won't back down, I would say register and then steer her towards your registry.  Either way, be sure to say thanks all the time and be appreciative.  My MIL has gone a bit beserk but I am just chalking it up to her being super excited and saying "thank you" a lot. 

theredvixen

Nicole731:

Uh, wow. If you don't appreciate all that stuff, you can send it my way. I can use all the help I can get at this point and would be extremely grateful if my MIL even sent us ONE outfit.

Aw, you beat me to it, I was going to say almost the exact same thing.

Zip1209

I TOTALLY understand how you must feel.  My mom is the EXACT same way.  I have 3 nieces and it was a serious point of tension between my mom and my SIL for a while.  They had a sit-down talk a couple of times about it.  My SIL said all of the same things you did: SHE wanted to buy some things, she didn't want the girls to be spoiled, etc.  But eventually, my SIL just learned that that is how my mom shows her love.  Some things that have helped is that my SIL has given my mom some direction when there really is a need for something specific.  OR my SIL says that mom can only buy x # of things for the girls for spring (for example), but my mom can buy whatever she wants to keep at her house.  So when the girls spend the night at my parents house, mom spoils them w/ new pjs and dresses, etc.  My SIL will also give her some slack around special events.  We went on a big family vacation this summer and my mom bought outfits for the girls for almost the entire trip.  It is a challenge.  I'm worried about it and she's my MOM and not my MIL!    I would encourage you to be as grateful as possible...and maybe give her a challenge like she can only buy outfits under $7.  My mom would totally love that kind of thing!  Best of luck!!!

 

ColTim32

I get the replies that I should be grateful. I am grateful that she wants to buy stuff for the baby. I smile and say thank you to her and I will follow up with a thank you note. My issue is the volume at which she buys stuff.  She's retired and doesn't have a lot of money, so it's not like she can really afford to buy all of it. I honestly think she does have a shopping addiction, which is a whole other issue.  I'd rather her not spend money on things that we may not even be able to use since we will have so much of it!

I like people's ideas of keeping the tags and either selling or donating the items we don't use. Thanks for those who understand and don't call me ungrateful, which I am not.

trinamarie87

I am in the same boat but basically what DH said is right. You won't be able to stop her. the best thing to do is to grin and bear it for right now. Keep the tags on everything. The things that you don't use, you can easily sell, give as gifts etc. Plus you never know, all of the things that she is giving you may be of some use later on.

Oh and to everyone else there is a difference between being ungreatful and being overwelmed. She didn't say she was greatful for everything that her MIL is buying for her and the baby, she just said that it's too much.

trinamarie87

that last part is supposed to say she didn't say she wasn't greatful...sorry for the typo and that's not aimed at everyone. I realize that not everyone feels this way.

jdouglas84

I agree with some of the other posters, don't say anything to her. I would love to have all of that stuff so far! I would keep tags on the clothes, as your LO may outgrow them before she even gets a chance to wear them.

TheMrsWithTheMostess

My mother actually snapped at me when I showed her 2 outfits I got at Babies R Us. She said "don't buy stuff from there!"!!! I replied with "I think I'll buy MY child whatever I want. Ugh....so I totally know where you're coming from and the frustrations you have to deal with.

JulieandBen

I would grin and bear it and then donate what you don't want.

babymomma623

I would register so she starts getting you things that you need or want. She is excited! Let her buy for you and say thank you. You don't have to use it all.