Assohilo BIL-DH and I disagree on guardians for DD-WWYD??

veloelle

Until now, BIL and SIL were guardians for DD. We deliberated a lot on this, and they agreed to do it. They do not have kids, never will. We picked them over my sister because they are more driven. And, well, my sister is lazy.

FF to Saturday. Long story short, BIL is the most stubborn, chauvanistic butthole. I refuse to allow DD to be raised in an environment where waiting on your DH is expected and required. The man refuses to eat yellow tomatoes because....they are yellow. He is 40 years old, FFS.  His wife got up, removed it from his plate, put a red one on. I would have told him to get it himself and grow the F up.

DH says my sister is NOT an option. Well, his bro is NOT an option. That leaves us with. His BFF and wife (whom I LOVE). But I'd much rather see her w/ my family. At least she'd live in a democracy and not a communist dictatorship. 

What did you do if you disagreed on guardianship of your DC's??

Thanks!

WhiteOrchid.

We picked friends as guardians for our DDs. I have a large family, but they are all a bit crazy/untrustworthy in one way or another. DH's family is really small and he doesn't get along with most of them. We picked our very close friends. They love the girls like they are their own. I had to go with who was best for them over family.

KoriBrett

I'd have flung the red one at his head and made him eat the yellow one anyway.  Or, for godsakes, just not eat it & leave it on the plate.

But err, well, we have no guardians set up for the kids yet because we have issues with everyone.  We had people picked, (my bffs) but now they're unstable in so many ways it's just... gah. 

I would go with the neutral party - the BFF and wife, esp. if you think it would be better for the kid/s.

penguingrrl

Sadly we keep putting it off because we can't agree, which I KNOW is bad.  Now he's not loving many behaviors he sees is his niece though, so he's coming around to the thought that his sister and her husband may not be the best option.  I want my sister and I think he's slowly seeing why that's better, so hopefully he'll agree with me soon.

stacynikki

DH and I are having a similar issue. His sister is our best option but she lives across the country! Far away from our entire family here. Our parents have health issues and our other siblings just can't be considered. We are thinking about our really good friends that have the same values and morals, have a stable marriage, a DD that is DS's age, but are not able to have anymore children. They also have plenty of space. I think they are perfect but DH would rather rip our kids from their entire life here and have his sister as guardian if anything were to happen. I think our friends would have a ton of help from our parents and at least their lives wouldn't be changed drastically on top of losing their parents!

brightning

We're 99% sure we'll be going with friends instead of family. It might be awkward, but we want DD to be in the best environment possible if both of us were to die. That's more important to us than her being with family or sparing their feelings.

Ciarrai

I think the guardians have to be someone that you both agree on and are comfortable with.  If you're uncomfortable with BIL, that rules him out.  If your DH was uncomfortable with someone, I'm sure you would rule that person out too.  FWIW, my cousins are the girls guardians if something happens to us.  My mom was devastated but she's 62 and much as I think she'll live forever, I couldn't imagine having kids in college (even if you don't have to pay for it - life insurance) at 80.  Dad loves being a "Pop" but is done being a "daddy" if you know what I mean.  My brothers were out for a number of reasons, though someday maybe my older brother will get there.  He's growing up and now has a family of his own, but has his own demons to deal with (including only being sober/clean for a couple years).  Anyway, SIL is totally out.  She can't stand me and resents my kids...  So, we ended up with my cousins who we adore.  They're amazing parents, good friends as well as family and we just love them and their family.  We know they'd take great care of the girls if something happened and we trust them completely.  I just feel bad that it would stick them with my ILs if they ended up with the girls...

RoxyLynn

First of all, I absolutely adore your sig pic and will be heartbroken if you ever change it.

Secondly, this is not a minor issue (see my post above, re: DN breaking my heart).  Part of the reason DH and I were chosen to be DN's guardians, even though we're not biologically related, is because we would provide equal-time family visits between DN's mom's family and her Dad.