Does this bother you too?

SeaSoul

I have to admit...it really bothers me when I hear IRL the question "is he STTN?" or IRL or on other boards the announcement, "s/he's sleeping through the night!"  (or the complaint "s/he was sleeping through the night and now s/he's not - what can I do?")  Of course, as parents we want to get our sleep schedule back and I agree that it's exhausting, but isn't that what you sign up for when you have a baby?  I don't think it's fair to fault the baby or yourself for not STTN - it's just the way it goes.  When DS wakes up we do what we can to make sure his needs are met and help him go back to sleep.  I know that he will most likely STTN eventually.  But for now, I am here to help him, not here to "train" him.  He is not designed to STTN at this age, and I'm okay with that.  Why does everything have to be about getting your baby to STTN?  It's almost as if the sentiment out there is you have a "good" baby, or you are a "good" parent, if you have a baby who doesn't wake up.  To be honest, I'd be kind of sad if DS didn't wake up at all in a 12-hour period.  I like checking in with him and bonding through nursing during the night.

Caveat: Gretchen, since you're dealing with 2, I realize you have a whole different set of concerns, so I don't blame you for feeling exasperated recently when 1 stopped sleeping for long stretches.

14years

It doesn't bother me when people ask about getting a baby to sleep longer and better without CIO or "sleep training."  But it does bother me when people post things like "We did Ferber and she only cried for 45 minutes!  Yeah!" 

I agree with you that night waking is part of what we all signed up for with a little one, and I have never expected that DS would go to bed at 7:30 pm and not make a peep for 12 hours.  That is unrealistic for almost all babies -- and for toddlers, too.  You don't get to go off the clock at night when you are a parent.  I got so tired of STTN/CIO posts that I started referring to what I was doing in my head as "night parenting."  I also totally agree with you that babies are not designed for "STTN," and sleep issues have nothing to do with parenting skills. 

That being said, I do think it's fine to try to find ways to help babes sleep better, like use the tips in the No Cry Sleep Solution or other no-crying (and really, no real fussing, either) methods.  DS was up so much at night when he was 9 months old that I was exhausted and overwhelmed.  We've changed a few things and have gotten him to waking once or twice now, and I am fine with that.  Every once in a while, he doesn't wake up in the night at all, and that's great, too. 

But, I do agree with you it makes me a little sad when we don't nurse at all at night.  I love his sleepy little nursing ways.  I guess he has to stop sometime, though, right?

ETA: I should say that STTN questions bothered me a lot more when my DS was your Cal's age -- come on, people, he's 7 months old!  Now, everyone assumes that DS sleeps through the night and no one asks anymore, so at least you have that to look forward to.  Ha. 

SeaSoul

Thanks for sharing your perspective...it really is more of the CIO stuff (don't get me started!) and how some mothers panic when their baby starts waking up in the night after having gone through a phase of STTN, as if that's a terrible, "wrong" thing...but I think if you have an older child who is having ongoing sleep troubles it's okay to use gentle techniques to try to improve quality of sleep.  That makes sense to me.

FutureGosnell

Yes, this drives me crazy. DH was coming home from work before DS was even two months old with suggestions from everyone. We both just rolled our eyes and moved on.

ValerianOddity

I think it's all about your perspective. 

Most AP mommies view night waking as part of being a baby, and use it as an opportunity to further bond with their LO.  I know that I, for one, love the sweet sleepiness of night nursing.  I co-sleep, however, so it's not a big deal for me to "get up" to take care of Gabriel; it's probably the same for most of you.

I think a lot of non-AP mommies view night waking as an inconvenience or obstacle to overcome, thus it takes on a more negative connotation, if that makes sense.  Yeah, I'd love to sleep for more than 2-3 hours at a time at night, but I kinda got used to being awake a lot when I was pregnant, so it's not anything new.  Besides---my baby won't always need me like this... and that, in itself, is bitterswet to me.

Everyone is different, and to each, their own.  CIO isn't my way, but no judgements on anyone who feels the need, whatever their reason may be.

SeaSoul

ValerianOddity:

I think a lot of non-AP mommies view night waking as an inconvenience or obstacle to overcome, thus it takes on a more negative connotation, if that makes sense. 

Yes..this is what bothers me.  And the fact that a lot of parents very quickly want their baby to adapt to their schedule/lives, rather than vice versa.

14years

Sea Soul, I thought of something that does bother me along the same lines (making a baby fit your schedule when he's not ready).  

I get disturbed when I hear people talking and posting about trying to get a little baby on a "feeding schedule."  I'm not talking about general patterns, but actual scheduled times.  (You don't hear about it as much with BFers, but even some of them want to get a "schedule.") 

It drives me crazy, because DS had no schedule at all until very recently, and that's only because he is eating 5 solid meals a day now.  When DS was an infat, he nursed/ate whenever he wanted, whether it had been 1 hour or 3 hours since it last feeding, and whether it was 3 pm or 3 am, and I can't imagine not feeding a baby who was hungry because it wasn't "time."

GretchenlovesMichael

thanks for the caveat   i am def guilty of wishing they would sleep more right now.  but i absolutely hear what you're saying and agree in principle 100%.  what bugs me the most is the "good" baby thing.  my mom will use that a lot: "were they good for you last night?" or "did they nap like they should today?"  good and should are both completely out of place in this equation IMO.  when i get frustrated with the lack of sleep i'm getting at night, i never think "man these are bad babies".  quite the contrary i think they are doing exactly what they are supposed to do and it's up to me to find the best way to handle it.  last night for example that meant going to bed when they did, even though it was much earlier than i would have otherwise.

and the whole CIO thing i find heartbreaking when applied to young babies (really any baby but esp when someone has a 3 month old and their pedi told them to let him CIO.... ughhh   i think the bottom line is that there is a lot of misinformation out there and a lot of ignorance.)

the eating thing drives me craaazy.  i hate hearing that anyone would deny a hungry baby a breast or bottle b/c it's not "time".... holy moly.  that i simply can't get my head around.

ValerianOddity

Gretchen*loves*Michael:

the eating thing drives me craaazy.  i hate hearing that anyone would deny a hungry baby a breast or bottle b/c it's not "time".... holy moly.  that i simply can't get my head around.

This makes me feel sick, too.  I wanna ask them, "Do you deny YOURSELF food, because it's not "time" to eat??"  Ugh.

ncbelle

I'm bothered by the fact that so many people feel like they are doing something wrong or that something is wrong with their baby when they don't STTN.

I also don't like it when it's implied I'm an odd ball for having a baby that doesn't STTN or because I'm anti-CIO.