RP for weekdayers: Homebirth ?s

babyluv617

I found a homebirth midwife in my area. Where do I go from here?

DH is VERY VERY VERY against it, so is there any info out there I can point him to. Henci Goer's books were already recommended. I just want to explore my options. This lady may not be what we're looking for, but I just want to see.

Is there a list of things I should ask? 

Anyone know how this works with insurance?

 

kmgourley

Read the book "Gentle Birth Choices."  It has a ton of info that may be helpful with your DH, plus at the end it has a LOT of questions you should ask potential midwives.  I really like the book. 

If your DH is anything like mine, though, this will all be in vain.  He will tell you that you are crazy and not the person you married and that if you were to absolutely insist on a homebirth, he would think about divorce.  And that will make you sad.  But you will know that he only says it because he's afraid you'll die (because you "needed' pitocin after the birth of your first, according to the drs. & he won't let it go or understand that midwives carry pitocin, too).  And then you will end up with a hospital birth.

I wish you better luck than I have had in talking to my DH about homebirth

Dorr_Evil_Twin

best course of action is to educate DH - make him watch business of being born..excellent movie. i think it's even on cable now. have him meet with the MW and get a doula too, they are angels sent from heaven. also read together Ina May Gaskin's books

kmgourley

Oh, and as for insurance... it's going to depend upon your state and your insurance company.  For instance, it is not legal for a midwife to attend a homebirth in GA and so there is no certification for lay midwives here and so insurance nearly always will not cover it.  This varies state to state, but you will probably have to call and fight with your insurance company.  Your midwife will probably know more and have suggestions.

Dorr_Evil_Twin

you can also opt for a birth center!

kmgourley

Dorr_Evil_Twin:

you can also opt for a birth center!

My DH refuses to be educated.  We have watched "Business of Being Born" and read books and cited studies.... and nothing.  And there are no birth centers anywhere near me (closest one is 4 hours away).  Some people will not come around.  But you can try, I guess.

triumphantreturnofplanningbug

If worse comes to worse, you can always tell him that if he refuses to even have an intelligent and engaged conversation about this, the last time your legs will ever open is for the baby to come out of your vagina.

kmgourley

triumphantreturnofplanningbug:

If worse comes to worse, you can always tell him that if he refuses to even have an intelligent and engaged conversation about this, the last time your legs will ever open is for the baby to come out of your vagina.

Perhaps I shouldn't complain so much about this   I didn't mean to have so much negativity in my "information" posts.  I need to watch myself better, I guess. 

megstriesagain

To echo pp, it varies a lot from state to state - in CA, CNMs are not only legal, but if we choose to have a homebirth (not PG yet, just doing a lot of research now), our insurance will cover it as an in-network exemption.  Yay hippy CA!

 

If you haven't looked at the mothering dot com boards, they have a lot of homebirthers, midwives, and doulas posting that really know the state-to-state laws.

mh2t

I enjoyed Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, but it is VERY touchy-feely, and might just turn off your DH more if he's not open to the idea to begin with.  Have you guys watched The Business of Being Born?  I would highly recommend that.  If that doesn't start to turn his mind in your direction, it may just be that you have a very tough case on your hands.

With that, let me tell you my story.  I knew from day one that I wanted a home birth, but DH was NOT on board.  I put my foot down, though, on the topic of going to the hospital, so we compromised by settling on a midwife-assisted birth at a freestanding birth center in our area (if you have one, this is really a great middle ground - you get to avoid all the scary hospital stuff, and he gets to feel a little more secure that you're in a "facility").  Anyway, we were all for the birth center birth until he came with me to my 20-week appointment.  He was already comfortable with the idea of the birth center, but he started asking questions about the difference between a birth center birth and a home birth.  The midwife explained that there was very little difference as far as the technology available - in an emergency situation, I would be going to the hospital in either case.  And on the way home from the appointment, DH announced that I could have my home birth after all!

We started our Bradley class at around 25 weeks, and I have to say, it has definitely made an impression on DH.  When we talk about natural/home birth with people, he can spout off all kinds of facts and figures (many of which are found in The Business of Being Born).  And he voluntarily read all 200+ pages of Susan McCutcheon's book on the Bradley method this weekend.  He's really getting into it.  I think he is finally understanding that our decision to have a natural, midwife-assisted birth, means that he will get to play a much larger role than he would in the hospital.  And that's kind of empowering for him.

Anyway, that was long.  Good luck! 

babyluv617

kmgourley:

Dorr_Evil_Twin:

you can also opt for a birth center!

My DH refuses to be educated.  We have watched "Business of Being Born" and read books and cited studies.... and nothing.  And there are no birth centers anywhere near me (closest one is 4 hours away).  Some people will not come around.  But you can try, I guess.

No birth centers even close!

eta - He's not absolutely refusing, but I want him to be comfortable with the idea as well.