Why would anyone say that?

palmtreemandy

OK, So.. just need to share a vent story because you all will just GET it.

I am a recovering anorexic. In recovery I went a bit too far, and I now have a few pounds to lose. All in the belly- as I stay pretty fit everywhere else. 

I sent out my first "belly" picture today to te woman who raised me. The response I got was that Im "too fat for this early" and that "by 9 months youre  not going to be able to stand up" and that "your baby isnt big enough to make youlook like that"

 

I'm still wearing most of my pre maternity clothes, by the way. I'm just shaped a little differently now than I was 3 motnhs ago. 

 

Why would someone who loves me and has watched me go through this very difficult recovery and knows my self image issues say suhc mean things? Especially at a time when it's so hard to accept that my body is changing and I cant do anything about it? Im so hurt I cant stop crying, and its hard to imagine eating my birthday cake on the counter.

 

OK- just had to rant. I just feel like I can't talk to her or share my pregnancy with her anymore. 

RedHeadedLeo85

Im sorry! I do GET it!

natbutler8

I am so sorry and no one should hear something like that. Everyone shows differently in pregnancy! Don't worry about what they say, just think of your growing baby Best of luck to you. 

mfield

I am so so so so SO sorry someone said that to you!  What a cruel thing to say!  I hope you tell/write her exactly what you wrote in your post - let her know how much that hurt your feelings.  I know it's hard - but just try to remember that any body changes here on out are baby and baby related.  Give that baby a taste of birthday cake and enjoy an extra piece for me!

aliciablair22

as someone who had bulimia for many years that makes me sick. I am so sorry. Please use your tools the best you can to not worry about that comment. She sounds like my grandmother- ridiculous.

I don't understand people either- who would do that when they have seen you go through so much. But remember to be your own advocate and give yourself credit because YOU were the one who went through all that. Don't get down on yourself because you need you to get through this pregnancy )

mrsn1025

That is an awful thing to say to ANYONE, but especially awful with your history! I am really sorry she said that to you. She probably thought she was helping you control the baby weight gain, but went about it allllllllllll wrong. Try to brush it off - you arent just caring for one anymore, but two. Eat healthy and stay active, but dont worry about the weight gain too much. As much as I hate it too, its normal and healthy. We pg ladies have enough to worry about!

loregopar

I'm sorry she was such a b!tch in her reply!

I understand where you're coming from. Though I don't have self image issues, my mom was all concerned with how big I looked (from the bloat, just like you), telling me she looked that big at 5 months, and asking if the doctor was concerned and what had he said about it. It really bothered me! So I can only imagine how hurtful what this woman said was to you.

Don't worry about your weight now. You're going to get a lot bigger and you'll get a few more extra pounds, but you'll have a healthy baby and time to lose them after delivery. Big hugs!

potluckbride

I am so sorry she said that to you.  PLEASE don't listen!!  You are doing what's best for your baby right now!!!!

Please just keep your distance from this woman through this pregnancy and surround yourself with only loving and supporting people.

I can't imagine why someone would write that to any pregnant woman, let alone one that already has self esteem issues.  I'm so sorry.

Stacy Sanford

Remember, what she said to you was about HER and not about YOU.  

stpetegirl

This woman sounds toxic. She is probably part of the reason you have body issues in the 1st place if she raised you. I would suggest limiting your contact her. When you do have contact and she says these dysfunctional things- remember SHE is the one with issues, not you.

aidansmama~

palmtreemandy:

OK, So.. just need to share a vent story because you all will just GET it.

I am a recovering anorexic. In recovery I went a bit too far, and I now have a few pounds to lose. All in the belly- as I stay pretty fit everywhere else. 

I sent out my first "belly" picture today to te woman who raised me. The response I got was that Im "too fat for this early" and that "by 9 months youre  not going to be able to stand up" and that "your baby isnt big enough to make youlook like that"

 

I'm still wearing most of my pre maternity clothes, by the way. I'm just shaped a little differently now than I was 3 motnhs ago. 

 

Why would someone who loves me and has watched me go through this very difficult recovery and knows my self image issues say suhc mean things? Especially at a time when it's so hard to accept that my body is changing and I cant do anything about it? Im so hurt I cant stop crying, and its hard to imagine eating my birthday cake on the counter.

 

OK- just had to rant. I just feel like I can't talk to her or share my pregnancy with her anymore. 

butting in:

That is horrible.  Some people are so insensitive.  When I was pg with my DS I gained a lot of weight quickly and my dr said at this rate you're going to gain 80 lbs by the end.   It really hurt my feelings.  Especially since I HAD to eat to combat my ms.  Another time this girl came up to me and I was only a little farther along than you are now.  She said "are you pregnant?" and I said yes, how'd you know?  (figuring someone told her).  She said "well, because I have seen your weight go up and down a little before, but I've never seen you THIS fat!"  I was so hurt.  Like you, I had an eating disorder before I was pg and was recovered from it when I got pg.  It's unbelievable how people just let some things pour out of their mouths.  I am so sorry this happened to you and especially from someone you love. 

StephLD924

That is unexcusable.  You are beautiful and your body is going through a beautiful transformation.  She is apparently just being heartless and careless, which doesn't make it hurt less.  Resolve to love yourself so that you know how to love and support your little one when he/she needs you to. 

goldenleaves

That is horrible. Every pregnancy is different and every woman is different. People show at different times. I'm sorry she was so mean to you.

sapgirl76

I am so incredibly sorry.

In your recovery process, I'm assuming you went through some kind of talk therapy?  Did this woman come up at all?  We learn how to have a relationship with food and how to view our bodies based on our family of origin, and it sounds like she might have contributed to your eating disorder in the first place. 

She sounds toxic and cruel and not some one you need in your life, especially right now when your hormones are going to be doing wacky things and your body is going through so many changes.  Hang in there; you're in my thoughts.

shotzie

Yikes, what a horrible thing to say to anyone, let alone someone in your position.  Have you responded to her?  I'd write back and let her know how hurtful that was and tell her if she makes comments like that you won't be speaking with her anymore about the pregnancy.  I would set some serious boundaries with her.  You don't need someone around like that who would make you feel so bad. 

I hope your pregnancy goes well and that you are able to handle your body changes well.  It's been an adjustment for me so far and I don't have a history of an eating disorder.  If you find you're having a hard time with it, it might help to talk to someone.  *Hugs*

Oh, and happy birthday! 

auddy_0113

Wow that is harsh! Well I'm telling you CONGRADS on the baby! Bodies change when your pg. It's crazy how they can morph and what can change on a daily basis! Some days I'm like well this is different than yesterday! lol. Sorry your mom is acting like that. It's her problem. Keep your chin up and ignore her rude comments.

palmtreemandy

thank you all SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much.

I told her she hurt me, and upon outing it on FB (Just said "why do people say things they know will REALLY hurt you..) she has sent me a long email apologizing. Even so- I'm waiting a few days to talk with her again. WIll be hard as wel talk every single day. Im quick to forgive kind of person, so forcing some seperation will force her to realize just how deep this cut was. To be honest- it took all my mental strength to eat lunch... comments like tht take you back years. But I ate- AND had a small piece of cake

You girls are just what I needed. Thank you.

mlf625

I am SO sorry. ?I think that once you're pregnant, people think weight is a fair game topic and it's not. ?That comment would hurt anyone, much less someone with body issues they've had to work hard to overcome. ?I'm sorry she said that. ?