how come i can't get my child to say please or thank you?

Mama Jan

I feel like the only mom in the world whose child will not say please/thank you.  How did you teach your DC?

He totally gets that I'm asking him to say it, he just doesn't.  Never has.  I refuse to have a child who grows up being impolite... *sigh*

What's your secret?

aimeelv

You're not alone.  Zachary won't say please or thank you either.  We work on it every day, but haven't had any success

Heidi Lanigan-Potter

I think it's a little early to expect please/thank you from your dc.  I think that this will come naturally from him by hearing you and DH saying it to other people.  When I was a cashier in high school/college, I actually hated it when parents would tell their kids to say please and thank you, but only because I never heard them saying it themselves, which is probably why their kids needed reminding!  Give him time, he'll catch on. 

weebaby

i think you need to cut your kid some slack.  wow.  it is a little early and kids learn from watching others.  keep saying it and doing it and when they are developmentally ready, they will.

Kateysomething

CAN he say them and doesn't, or has he never said them?

I think you need to live the behaviors you want your child to exhibit.  So, if you want a polite child, make sure they see/hear/experience it in the home, not just when you 'tell' them to say it.  Not saying that you aren't, but you were asking, so that is my biggest suggestion.

My daughter hears please, thank you, you're welcome a lot. I say it when she hands me something, etc. But if she's not saying them in 4 months, I'm not going to assume she'll grow up to be a rude child, kwim?

Mama Jan

Kateysomething:

CAN he say them and doesn't, or has he never said them?

He has never said them, but I know he could if he wanted to.  He has so many words... including brother, sprinkler, quesadilla...  Please/thank you are not nearly as difficult as those.

I think some of you misunderstood me though.  This isn't an issue I push with him, there's no discipline or something because he won't say it.  I just wonder why he won't when I know he can.  And yes, he hears those words ALL the time from me, DH, grammy, etc.  I do plan to continue modeling but if there are other ways to teach, I'd like to do that too.

I have cousins who never pushed the issue with their kids who are now beyond the toddler stage (into elementary even).  Their kids refuse to acknowledge people who talk to them, they won't say hello or use any manners.  My cousins think it's cute.  I don't and I worry sometimes that my kids will end up being the same way if I don't put my foot down at some point.  I'm just curious how others on here have gotten their early talkers to use words like that.  That's all.

weebaby

at this age, saying words is not wanting to.  no matter what words he has in his vocab right now, that doesnt mean he is able to say what you call easier words.

are you a speech therapist?  do you understand that putting together sounds and everything that happens in their mouths/tongues is not as easy as you think.

 anyhow, again, it is about role modeling.  even if your child said the word, doesnt mean they know the action they are saying.  that is more important than the words.  that takes time. 

Mattersgirl

Haha, I would love to hear caleb say quesadilla haha!

Just keep saying it to him, he'll get it eventually. Avery thinks Please gets her everything she wants already so there is another side to the LO saying it!

Heidi Lanigan-Potter

Mama Jan:

Kateysomething:

CAN he say them and doesn't, or has he never said them?

I have cousins who never pushed the issue with their kids who are now beyond the toddler stage (into elementary even).  Their kids refuse to acknowledge people who talk to them, they won't say hello or use any manners.  My cousins think it's cute.  I don't and I worry sometimes that my kids will end up being the same way if I don't put my foot down at some point.  I'm just curious how others on here have gotten their early talkers to use words like that.  That's all.

Ok, but do your cousins actually say please/thank you/your welcome to other people?  I really think kids learn most through modeling and that he will just pick up on it naturally over time.

Dobie_Mama

I really wouldn't worry, at this point.  DD can say "popsicle" clear as day but can't even say "yes".  If I ask her a question, even if the answer is yes, she'll say, "no".  Kids learn words in a really random order.  We always say to DD "say please" or "say thank you" where appropriate.  Sometimes we get a "thank" but not always.  But, I'm sure that when she's better able to talk it will fall in place. 

ceecee31

My daughter is 22 months and she's been saying "please" and "thank you" since she was about 16-17 months old. ?She picked it up quickly and I'm sure it had alot to do with the fact that I said it to her all the time AND I combined it with the signs for those words. ?I've been teaching her sign language since she was 6 months old and even before her hands were able to work well enough to copy the signs she always saw what they looked like. ?So, she started signing regularly at about 10-11 months old and as she got older and started talking more and learning more "please" and "thank you" eventually joined the list. ?

So, keep up with the modeling and give the sign language a try. ?GL!?

jsugrin

Andrew started signing please about 2-3 months ago, after IDK 6+ ,months of working on it.  He has just started to thank you in the last couple days  and it's spotty and not always intelligible.  He'll get there, just keep working on it.

LisiLynn

I think they just know what we want them to say most and refuse to say it. Tre can say TONS of words and yet he will never ever even attempt to say his own name. And getting him to say "sorry" is like pulling teeth and he says it really oddly even though I know he can say it perfectly because I said it to him yesterday and he repeated it back to me with perfect enunciation yet when he hurts one of us and we ask him to say sorry it comes out like "woe woe" though I must admit I do think its really cute. Odd, but cute.

Erin&Rod

What's up with these impolite toddlers?  Connor won't say please or thank you either.  I say both words 100 times a day and he just won't say them. 

jason&robin

DS has a speech delay so he can't say it but he will sign please if we ask him to. It's all about motivation for him. If he wants something, he will sign please right away to get it...otherwise, I will wait. I am still working on thank you.

Erin&Rod

I should add that I don't think he doesn't say words because he doesn't want to, he doesn't say them because he can't yet.  He has tons of words too including squirell, blue berry, "deyiyah" (cat's name Delilah), but doesn't say words that I think would be easier.  They will get there, just keep modeling, and don't compare.

ali2005jason

DD has also never said please. She does sign it though (make a fist then rub it in a circle on your chest). She's been signing it for about 2-3 months. She says her own version of thank-you. I'd be hard to describe but I know what it is when I hear it. It just takes time for some kids. Rory is really just now starting to say more words.

Kateysomething

Maybe its cuz they're babies? Going out on a limb here.

flyingsaucer

LOL!  My 7 year old SS hardly says it :-)  They'll do it eventually.

HeatherAA

I've been working with DD on please, thank you and sorry. She uses and has been using them correctly. When teaching her, I would remind her what to say. Like if she wanted juice, I would say "What do you say?" or "Say please." or  "Say Juice please." Eventually she got it. She uses Thank you more than the others. I make sure that I say please, thank you and sorry in front of her when dealing with other people.

cops_wife

DD says please when she really wants something. It's actually not that great because now when she wants something she's not supposed to have or she's had too much of, she'll sit there with that cute little face and plead, "Pees? Pees?" and then try not to give in, especially since we want to asking nicely. But she learned because I'd ask to say please when she wanted something. I didn't withhold it until she said it or anything, but eventually she started saying it when prompted and now she'll sometimes say it unprompted.

She can say thank you and has, but very, very rarely. I sort of assume it's because there's not the same motivation to say thank you as there is to say please. I'm sure she'll do it more consistently eventually. For now, we just continue to ask her to say thank you when appropriate, even though she doesn't.

MG7

ceecee31:

My daughter is 22 months and she's been saying "please" and "thank you" since she was about 16-17 months old.  She picked it up quickly and I'm sure it had alot to do with the fact that I said it to her all the time AND I combined it with the signs for those words.  I've been teaching her sign language since she was 6 months old and even before her hands were able to work well enough to copy the signs she always saw what they looked like.  So, she started signing regularly at about 10-11 months old and as she got older and started talking more and learning more "please" and "thank you" eventually joined the list.  

So, keep up with the modeling and give the sign language a try.  GL! 

I was going to say the same thing. Once DS started using a few signs he was able to pick up on others pretty quickly. I've found now that when I introduce new words with a sign he is using both within a few days. DS doesn't say please but he will say and sign thank you after I say it to him when I hand him something. The other day he said/signed "Thank you Daddy" on his own, I thought DH was going to cry. 

weebaby

Kateysomething:

Maybe its cuz they're babies? Going out on a limb here.

im guessing they dont care about that part 

Temp174496125006552

Ben doesn't say it either, despite my efforts.  I think it's a little early to throw in the towel just yet.  He's only 18 months.  He'll get it. 

tmp-336341562506044

DS does not say it either. I wasn't aware that a lot of other toddlers did!

 

babygroves

ceecee31:

My daughter is 22 months and she's been saying "please" and "thank you" since she was about 16-17 months old.  She picked it up quickly and I'm sure it had alot to do with the fact that I said it to her all the time AND I combined it with the signs for those words.  I've been teaching her sign language since she was 6 months old and even before her hands were able to work well enough to copy the signs she always saw what they looked like.  So, she started signing regularly at about 10-11 months old and as she got older and started talking more and learning more "please" and "thank you" eventually joined the list.  

So, keep up with the modeling and give the sign language a try.  GL! 

Ditto. We started with signs at a very young age and would say the word at the same time. All of a sudden (around 13 months) DS just dropped (for the most part) the signs and started saying the words. We also use the words all the time in conversation.

 

Can't Wait To Be A Mama

Holden won't say it either. Most time he throws his hand out with an "ughh" like he's demanding it. I just keep repeating and repeating, maybe one day it will pay off. 

janal

I'm guessing my kid will utter several swear words before using please or thank you.

Amrice78

Mine does not say please, but does say thank you.  I just kept repeating it every time he should say thank you and he eventually started saying it.  He doesn't do it every time though.

MsTammy

Chase says Thank you and we are working on please. The way we taught him went like this.  We asked him for something, he gave it to us and we said "Thank you Baby". Now he says Thank you anytime you give him something. Most of the time he says "Thank you Baby" to us. It's pretty darn cute.

He just started to repeat the word Please, but honestly, we don't say it as much as we should to each other, so I know it will be a little longer until he gets that one.

Don't give up or get too frustrated now. I am sure your DC will get it soon.