Here's my theory on MIL (longish)

StephLD924

I'll try to keep it as short as possible, but just to spice things up this evening.  There's some serious sibling rivalry between DH and SIL (I've mentioned this before), but for some reason neither of them can grow out of it, especially SIL.  And they drag MIL into it all the time.

Anyhow, last summer an uncle of theirs asked me when we might be considering having another, whereupon, before I could answer him, SIL chimed in that she would be pregnant before the end of the summer (something we all dread, but that's a totally different story).  Unfortunately, she has had issues getting pg (this would be #2 for her), which really  is sad, don't get me wrong.  But I can't feel too badly for her since A) I know she doesn't chart  She hasn't been to the gyno in three years and C) She truly has no idea "how" one gets pg beyond the basics they teach in gym class.  I mean, ask a few questions, look into the problem, you know?

Anyway, MIL who is always very sweet and considerate (minus the laying on of hands I spoke of earlier) has been distant and skipped staying with us this weekend to go to see SIL (she usually divides time).  I have a very sneaky feeling we are going to start experiencing some over compensation here. Truly, DH and I are just happy to be having another, but I can't stop this sinking feeling we are in for some major drama here.

::Breathe:: glad I got that out.  Feedback?  Similar stories?

Thanks for your time

k.martell

Not a similar story, but DH & I don't speak to his brother & wife.  They had a child 2 years ago in March and it caused a big wave of drama with us.  They made a big stink w/ the family, announcing they aren't having kids so stop asking.  She was very curious with my IF treatments and I was honest with her.  A year later they suddenly announced to us that they were expecting and it went over horribly.  I felt truly backstabbed and know if she really gave a crap about my feelings (knowing what we were going through) she could have said something to me or us in private.

 My MIL is heart broken that we don't talk, abd above is not the pure reason (she has verbally put me down & DH down on FB which irritated the piss out of us) but what we are going to say won't be nice so we stay quiet.

We aren't planning on annoucing our pg. to them.  They can find out on FB if they ever look at DH's account.  And I know this will hurt my MIL more but I can give a rats ass about their feelings, considering they didn't respect ours.

We are going to keep to ourselves and see what happens.  The big drama will be the babyshower.  I dont care for my SIL to go, and if she does my friends will make sure she is very uncomfortable

WonderWoman27

oh gees. ?That does sound like trouble. ?I have something kinda similarish. ?My younger sister seems to be competing with me. ?I am happily married for 2 1/2 years now and we just found out we are expecting...I am afraid to tell her because she lives alone (with a good career by the way) and no marriage in site and she actually told me to wait till she gets married to try having kids. ?I was like I'm sorry sis, but no can do. ?I just can't imagine what she's going to do. ?I know she'll be happy for me, but on the inside, not so much. ?I told her we have been trying for quite some time and she said that God wants you to wait till I get married so we can have babies together. LOL ?She was wrong.

MrsPoggio2be

k.martell:

Not a similar story, but DH & I don't speak to his brother & wife.  They had a child 2 years ago in March and it caused a big wave of drama with us.  They made a big stink w/ the family, announcing they aren't having kids so stop asking.  She was very curious with my IF treatments and I was honest with her.  A year later they suddenly announced to us that they were expecting and it went over horribly.  I felt truly backstabbed and know if she really gave a crap about my feelings (knowing what we were going through) she could have said something to me or us in private.

 My MIL is heart broken that we don't talk, abd above is not the pure reason (she has verbally put me down & DH down on FB which irritated the piss out of us) but what we are going to say won't be nice so we stay quiet.

We aren't planning on annoucing our pg. to them.  They can find out on FB if they ever look at DH's account.  And I know this will hurt my MIL more but I can give a rats ass about their feelings, considering they didn't respect ours.

We are going to keep to ourselves and see what happens.  The big drama will be the babyshower.  I dont care for my SIL to go, and if she does my friends will make sure she is very uncomfortable

Based on what you have written, you are mad because a) they decided to TTC even after they had made a stink about not having children and b) because they didn't tell you privately first because you have had TTTC? You've held a two year grudge about this and have put your MIL through hell because of it? 

You, my dear, self-centered idiot.  The world does not revolve around you and your uterus. They made a decision. What does telling her about your fertility treatments have to do with anything? She asked. You answered.

As for OP, you are part of this rivalry. Talking about how your MIL is going to visit your SIl instead of you, smacks of you being jealous that she chose to do that. On top of that, not feeling sorry for her not being able to conceive because she hasn't been to the gyno and because she doesn't understand everything about how pregnancy works is heartless (and seeing as k.martell has such issues with other and how they handle those that have TTTC, makes me surprised she answered this post at all). People get pregnant all the time after not seeing a gyno and/or reading up on TTC. The fact that your SIL is not part of the lucky group makes her someone that you should have a little empathy for. 

jenfurleigh

MrsPoggio2be:

k.martell:

Not a similar story, but DH & I don't speak to his brother & wife.  They had a child 2 years ago in March and it caused a big wave of drama with us.  They made a big stink w/ the family, announcing they aren't having kids so stop asking.  She was very curious with my IF treatments and I was honest with her.  A year later they suddenly announced to us that they were expecting and it went over horribly.  I felt truly backstabbed and know if she really gave a crap about my feelings (knowing what we were going through) she could have said something to me or us in private.

 My MIL is heart broken that we don't talk, abd above is not the pure reason (she has verbally put me down & DH down on FB which irritated the piss out of us) but what we are going to say won't be nice so we stay quiet.

We aren't planning on annoucing our pg. to them.  They can find out on FB if they ever look at DH's account.  And I know this will hurt my MIL more but I can give a rats ass about their feelings, considering they didn't respect ours.

We are going to keep to ourselves and see what happens.  The big drama will be the babyshower.  I dont care for my SIL to go, and if she does my friends will make sure she is very uncomfortable

Based on what you have written, you are mad because a) they decided to TTC even after they had made a stink about not having children and b) because they didn't tell you privately first because you have had TTTC? You've held a two year grudge about this and have put your MIL through hell because of it? 

You, my dear, self-centered idiot.  The world does not revolve around you and your uterus. They made a decision. What does telling her about your fertility treatments have to do with anything? She asked. You answered.

As for OP, you are part of this rivalry. Talking about how your MIL is going to visit your SIl instead of you, smacks of you being jealous that she chose to do that. On top of that, not feeling sorry for her not being able to conceive because she hasn't been to the gyno and because she doesn't understand everything about how pregnancy works is heartless (and seeing as k.martell has such issues with other and how they handle those that have TTTC, makes me surprised she answered this post at all). People get pregnant all the time after not seeing a gyno and/or reading up on TTC. The fact that your SIL is not part of the lucky group makes her someone that you should have a little empathy for. 

 

agreed! 

nero1281

One of the reason's we haven't told DH's family is because his SIL has been TTC for 2 years now unsuccessfully.  During that time, apparently, comments have been made about DH and I becoming PG (even before we were married and even trying!) and how pissed they would be.  We did tell his sister b/c they are very close, and even she said they're going to be pissed off.  Now, I can understand them being upset for a little bit, but eventually they're going to have to get over it.  I mean, are we supposed to put our lives on hold for them?  I'm 34 y/o and can't afford to wait for something that might never happen.  While I truly feel bad and hope their miracle happens for them, I can't feel guilty about being PG.

 The other reason we haven't told his family is bc MIL will broadcast it all over the state.  But that a post for another tread.