Any Army wives out there?

heatherw7

When your DH was deployed, did you get to talk to him much? My DH is in Afghanistan and we are really fortunate to have good communication. But we argue all.the.time.

Can anyone share some experiences and help me for what i should do about this? I know it will be better when he returns, but im so fed up that I constantly think about throwing in the towel. I love him dearly, but he can be so mean and hurtful with his words.

ballpit22

My DH is in the Marine Corps and deployed two years ago to Iraq and he's getting ready to re-deploy in March. I know what you mean about arguing all the time. DH and I went through this during his deployment too. The only advice I can give is to stick it out because it will get better. The other I had to remember is that he was under a huge amount of stress and when he lashed out at me it really had nothing to do with me but the situation he was in. I started asking DH to tell me something funny or interesting that happened that day and then I would tell him something funny or interesting that happened to me. That way we weren't talking about the stressful stuff all the time. You can also try talking to him or writing him a letter to let him know that it really hurts that he takes his anger and stress out on you. I promise, it will get better. GL

jamie.renee

My husband is in the Army.  He is currently home on R&R from a 12 month deployment.  We are almost 8 months in.  Last deployment was for 15 months.  We argued so much on the first deployment.  A lot happened during that deployment for both of us.  He was doing a lot of things he was not trained to do so that worried both of us.  He was there when a good friend was KIA on Christmas Day.  My dad and my grandpa died while he was gone and I was a mess. 

Both times we have been very lucky and have been able to talk almost daily on IM but rarely get phone calls.  After he came home from the last deployment we talked a lot.  I hated how he would start arguments and be an ass about a lot of things.  We found that is how he coped with being away.  I guess if he pushed me away a little bit it was easier to not miss me so much or something.  After telling him how I truly felt (I didn't while he was gone except when he came home for emergency leave when my dad died because I know he was stressed and didn't want to make it worse) he realized he can't do that again.  I told him if he started the arguments over dumb stuff again I would say I love you and just sign off.  He left when I was 13 weeks pregnant so I couldn't let myself get super stressed out about that crap when it can be avoided.  This deployment has been great.  We talk daily, sometimes a few times a day and rarely argue.  Yeah, we both have our moments but that has only happened a few times.

If it is bad enough where you feel you really want to talk to him about it now, I would write a letter or email.  That way you can get all of your feelings out without being interrupted.  He might get upset but it will make him think.  

It's hard sometimes.  It's crazy, I feel like I am having a bigger adjustment to him being here than when he is gone because I am so use to him being gone and taking care of the kids on my own.  Good luck.