I'm not okay

KateAndMark

I would like to think I am, but I'm not. I'm still very angry and very hurt. I should be 23 weeks pregnant with out twins, but alas, here I am waiting to ovulate next week and try again.

I think what is really bothering me the most is because my good friend is set to be induced on Sunday night and will probably deliver on Monday. Monday is DH's birthday. There are 365 days a year. Why the hell to we have to share a special day with her?

I know I sound like a real b*tch but I just pray she goes into labor this weekend. It's bad enough that 3 of our babies died but it's even worse to have her baby born on DH's bday.

DH and I were planning to try this cycle but I'm not sure if I'm emotionally ready. 

Okay sorry about my rant.

 

grr_aargh

Rant away.  It's okay to not be okay.  I'm sorry that you feel this way.  I go through the same thing as well.  My sister will likely deliver her twins the week of our due date - and she conceived the week of our loss.  It's difficult.  I hate the "Chin up" attitude I have to take, but you bear it. . . right?

 

priya&peter

It is definitely OK to not be OK and to rant whenever you feel like it!  I have a coworker who got pregnant the same time as I did.  It is hard every time I talk to her, but I just hope that eventually, when I have my own LO, all the bitterness will go away.  Until then, there are times I'm going to be bitter, annoyed, sad, bitchy etc and everyone else can just deal with it!  (hugs)

vkbaby09

I'm so sorry for your 3 losses.  Thinking about how far along I should be makes me really sad too. 

That does suck that of all the days of the year your good friend might have her baby on your DHs b-day.  Are you planning on visiting them in the hospital?  If so, maybe you can wait until Tuesday to do so and just focus on your DH and celebrating his b-day on Monday?  I'm hoping she either goes in labor herself over the weekend (or even better tomorrow!) or she has a really long labor and doesn't have her baby until Tuesday (hey mine was over 34 hours long - it can happen)!

I hope you start to feel better.  If you're not ready this cycle yet, then no big deal.  ((((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))

BeckyS1211

big huge hugs to you Kate...

heathergirl67

I'm so sorry.  It's just not fair.  I go back and forth, too.  At times I feel like I'm doing okay, as well as can be expected.  At other times I worry that I'm not okay, just like you said.  Hopefully time will dull our pain and anger.  If it doesn't we can get drunk and hang out at the mall and throw frosted cupcakes at beautiful moms walking behind their strollers.

someflower6

oh kate, i'm sorry you're not doing ok right now. you've been through a lot, and as the pp said, it's ok not to be ok sometimes. it's completely understandable that you're having a hard time with the idea of your friend being induced on a day that is special for you and your husband. i'm sure you're anger/frustration is not directed at her, but at the situation and the cards that you've been dealt.

i hope today is a better day for you, and i hope that you have many more good days to come. nothing can ever replace or make up for the loss of your babies, but i hope that with each new day comes new blessings, and these are things you will cherish always.

shamrock79

Hi!  I'm so sorry for your losses.  I feel the same way, sometimes I feel like I can get through and other times I just can't.   I would be upset too if I was in your situation.  For me, I hate to have DH see other babies b/c it is just a big 'here is what you would have had' and I feel even sadder b/c I know he wants it so bad too.  So I totally see why you wouldn't want her baby born on DH b-day like a big white elephant in the room that day   It seems that there is always something that just adds on to the pain of the losses.  

Good luck next week (if you decide to try) and here's to hoping your friend goes early!

EMZimm08

Oh honey... I am sorry you are in so much pain. I feel that way about my good friend that just gve birth to her 2nd son last week... she's trying to be supportive, but I kinda just want to tell her to shut the f up every time she asks me a question about what happened. Allow yourself to feel the emotions you are feeling, and don't push yourself to be happy for her... Perhaps do something special with your DH on Sunday AND Monday to try to get your mind off of it as much as you can. Make it YOUR day anyway.

KAG30

I hope you are doing better this morning. 

 

rose76

You have EVERY right to be upset. When I had my 3rd m/c, one of my best friends had her 2nd baby. And I had to go visit her in the maternity wing as I was still bleeding. It was one of the worst days of my life...and when I walked in, she cried and told me to leave. You are not a ***. I hope you feel better soon. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

Rose