Toddlers: 24 Months+

Very personal and sensitive issue...need advice

I am white and naturally have brownish/auburn hair with brown husband is 100% puerto rican with olive skin and black hair and brown eyes. Our two yr old daughter looks nothing (I mean NOTHING) like him. In fact she is blonde, extremely fair with BLUE eyes. I have some blue eyes on my side of the family but mine are brown too. Because of this we get looks and we even suspect his own parents maybe have thought she is not his. This makes me feel very bad. I concieved her with HIM no doubt! But all of this is making me very upset and scared. I have no reason to be scared i guess, but we decided to take a paternity test to shove it in whoevers faces that may need it! the thing is how accurate are these home tests! i heard they are and unless there was some sort of godly conception, I know he is her father and should come out ok! Im just very disturbed and upset over this. Anyone else gone though this or know anyone who has???

Re: Very personal and sensitive issue...need advice

  • My daughter looks NOTHING like my husband at all, but it has never occurred to me that people might question her paternity nor has it occurred to me to take a paternity test. 

    I guess I'm not sure why you are taking the test.

    SAHM to DD1 (7), DS (5) and DD2 (1)
  • I have a cousin who is mixed race (black and white) and she concieved with a Puerto Rican man and ended up with a blonde haired, blued eyed baby who resembled her mother. Just the luck of the draw!


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  • my DD has blond hair whereas DH and I have dark brown.  People often look surprised and ask where the blond comes from - I tell them my hair was the color when i was younger (which it was).

    Not sure why you feel the need to explain/defend/prove to others that this is your daughter (or your DHs).  It is none of their business.  If they question, whip out the science book and explain to them Mendel's work on recessive genes.

    What are you going to do if the home tests are NOT accurate and it comes out false?  Are you going to invest in a more reliable (read: expensive) test?  Does your DH think that she is not his?


  • DS and DD both have blue eyes and DH's are green and mine are brown. DD also had RED hair and neither of us or anyone we know in our family have red hair. We get ask all the time where she got the red hair and we just say we don't know somewhere in the genes. As long as you and DH know she is yours don't worry about what anyone else thinks. It is not their business.
    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
  • i could have written your post! i'm hispanic (dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin) and dh is white with blue eyes, brown hair. ds looks nothing like dh, infact ds looks totally like my brother!! we constantly get comments from people saying "oh brandon (thats my dh's name) he-ds- looks nothing like you" and than i follow with "well yeah sure ds was an inmaculate conception!" i really dont care if people think my ds is not my dhs, i'm happy that he knows it and he doesnt have any doubts about it! imho i dont think you need to "prove" anything to anyone.. who cares what his family thinks? i dont care what my inlaws think or anyone else, sometimes i do get annoyed with all the comments and a few hurt my feelings in the beginning when i had ds.. but my mom always said that just like her (we look nothing like our dad and my mom and dad are both hispanic) i dont have a "kodak" down there to make a baby that looks just like my dh!!

    about the test one of dh's friends did that and it came out right, the kid wasnt his, it was someone elses.. i'm not sure how accurate they are but it did work for him.

  • DD1 looks nothing like my DH either!  He is also PR.  The only things she got is his dark eyes.  She has light hair, lighter than mine too.  Genetics are crazy sometimes.  Don't sweat it. : )
  • I'm sorry you're even having to deal with this but seriously, I don't see a reason to take a test. The fact that close members of your families are skeptical is an issue and if you have to "prove" who the father is then you may want to revisit your trust in them in general.
  • My good friend is Hispanic and her husband is not and their son is blonde and blue eyed.  She gets asked if she's the nanny a lot.  She just blows it off, and you guys should too...people are stupid. 

    That being said, if you are going to take the test anyway (which I want to go on record as saying I don't see the point), then I guess I can sort of relate and tell you that your fears are normal.  I had a child when I was 19 that I placed for adoption and we did a court ordered paternity test for legal reasons, and even though the baby's biological father was the only guy I had ever slept with at that point in my life I kept having these irrational fears that the test might come out to show he wasn't her father.  Of course, it came out conclusively that he was the biological father, so I guess I hope that helps put yoru mind at ease (although, again, I don't really understand the need for the test in your situation...).

  • imageswirliepop:
    I'm sorry you're even having to deal with this but seriously, I don't see a reason to take a test. The fact that close members of your families are skeptical is an issue and if you have to "prove" who the father is then you may want to revisit your trust in them in general.

    ditto this.  i don't see why you are taking the test unless you have doubts yourself.  good luck though, i hope you get the closure you need on this issue with you and your family.

  • Unless you or your DH have doubts whether your child is yours, I cannot understand the need to take a test.  Has your family never heard how genetics work?  Recessive genes?  Honestly, it is a little strange and would make me revisit my trust/faith in my family if they questioned whether my child was fathered by my husband (unless he or I were also questioning it, which it doesn't seem like you guys are). I'm sorry they are being so weird about it!

    As for strangers, I don't see a big deal.  Plenty of kids are adopted/fostered and don't look like their parents.  And plenty of bio kids look different, too.  I wouldn't sweat it.

  • FloF9FloF9 member

    Okay - I'm getting very upset for you right now.   I'm Colombian (dark brown hair and dark brown eyes)  and my husband is Puerto Rican (dark brown hair, light brown eyes).  We both have straight dark hair and my son came out looking like me, and my daughter has crazy curly lighter brown hair.  She has dark brown eyes.  She looks nothing like either but Yea you can bet your bottom dollar if anyone tells me she's not our daughter - I will let them have it.

    Although my husband is Puerto Rican - he has a lot of mixed race. My DH oldest brother has dark hair but BRIGHT BLUE EYES.  Go figure!

     His maternal grandfather was blond and blue eyes, his maternal grandmother was olive skinned and straight black hair.  Half of DH's mothers siblings came out white and the others look gypsy.  

    Recessive genes are crazy.  I am not sure why in the world you feel compelled to take a paternity test.  I would just tell people to f* off.

  • FloF9FloF9 member

    Just wanted to add - Look at Tiger Woods.  He's Korean/African American and his wife is Norwegian (blond/blue eyes).

    I saw a picture of his daughter the other day - she looks Hispanic.  Go Figure!

  • Are you leaving something out? I guess Im saying that because a paternity test would never even enter my mind..Whats your DH say?

  • My daughter looks absolutely nothing like me. Nothing! I personally wouldn't believe she's mine if I didn't see her come out for myself.  She's a totally different complexion (much lighter) than both of us. 

    I wouldn't even consider taking a paternity test to appease other people.  Personally, I don't think it's anyones business and don't let other people dictate my life. 

  • Why do you care if strangers think your kid looks nothing like her dad?For all those effers know, she could have been adopted, she could have been concieved using donated sperm or donated egg, there are eleventy billion reasons to NOT let it bug you that she doesn't look PR. Don't bother with a paternity test. That to me, would say "if you're so sure he is her daddy, why did you do the test?" kwim?
    no day but today~ RENT  *HEG survivors*
    ::where a sig pic would go if TB wasn't a d*ck::
     Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • thank you everyone for your advice. After thinking all night over this I announce to my husband this morning that it would be beneath me to have a test taken unless he felt HE needed. His response was I love you and 100% have no doubt because I trust our relationship. Both my husband and I planned her pregnancy, followed the ovulation chart (excuse the bluntness) but had sex on the appropriate days. We waited a few more weeks and boom i was pregnant.

     It wasnt about the strangers that bothered us....I could care less about them but your own father in law? And for the record this is only a suspicion because he is obviously treating our daughter differently from his other grandaughter (daughter of my hubbys sister) who REALLY looks like she fits in. My husband thought by showing them the test would be to show that his actions were uncalled for.

     But like I said I am not a contestant on a Jerry Springer show here! I refuse to stoop that low and just by buying it will cast a worse shadow on the situation cause they would always think I must have cheated regardless of how the test comes out. 

    I have never cheated and would never cheat so with that said, im not going to sink to that level. Unfortunatley I think things will be WORSE with his Dad if my unborn child comes out dark in Feb. Yes im pregnant and the plot thickens LOL. I guess i will have to reevaluate things at that point. Im actually praying the next one is light like my daughter hoping that will settle things!

     It just starting to make me crazy and even worried if it wasnt 100% accurate i would be questioning myself even though i never cheated! Its crazy!

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