"I wish I could have twins"

MrsSweetpeaMagee

The woman who cut my hair yesterday told me she hoped she had twins... "because she was 33 and hadn't started for babies yet and would really like to have 2"... really?!? I understand wanting to have two babies, because I love both my boys so much... but to not have all the health worries (for me and the babies) and to have two healthy babies... whether they came together or separate was my goal... and it just makes me frustrated when people think that a twin pregnancy is just the same as a singleton.

macchiatto

Yeah, I get frustrated with those comments, too (with a few exceptions).

Breenie29

I totally agree. When I told my boss (who is 42 years old) that I was having triplets, she said, oh I wish I could have triplets, it would be like an instant family. But she never took into consideration all of the health risks. I had to stop working at 20weeks, she could never do that, she's a total workaholic. Anyways, I understand what you're saying.

dtwmco

No one "gets it" until they go through it! ...BOTH pregnancy and infancy!

antes22

Most people have no idea what the risks are. I try really hard (key word try) to be patient because they are all very uneducated about multiples in general and it's not completely their fault. I was ignorant too until I got pregnant with them myself

AlpacaBunny

People say that to me all the time.  I usually dont say much back but I think about the fact that I ended up on bedrest at 25 weeks and having so many more worries about my pregnnacy in general.  I feel like having a multiple pregnancy was really stressful!  Not that any pregnancy isn't stressful.  I guess it just seems like people think a multiple pregnancy is no big deal.

DenverGrl

I get frustrated with those comments.  Mostly when people say they want them because they think it would be fun.  My only exception is when someone has to deal with infertility.  After 2+ years of fertility treatments and knowing I would not have another chance at having another child, I was thrilled to find out I was having twins.  And yes, I was very aware of the risks.  However, I never once thought "Hey, twins would be neat!".

lajolla09.30.06

It won't be the last time you hear it... I get it all the time, especially having a boy and a girl.  Everyone's dream apparently... try not to take it personally, they just don't realize the hardships of multiple pregnancies and infant twins.

goldenleaves

I'm just butting in...

I totally understand what you mean. I'm an identical twin, and this used to bug my mom all the time. She did not have an easy pregnancy with us and people assume twin pregnancies are the same as singletons.

That being said, I would love to have twins for the simple reason that I would love for my children to share the bond my sister and I have. It's truly amazing, and I love being a twin. But I wouldn't exactly wish for a twin pregnancy, KWIM??

ehpope

I agree with golden leaves, I wouldn't wish a twin pregnancy on anyone, but I have identical twin friends who have such a bond their wives can't even explain how close they are. I know all twins don't have that bond, but I hope that my children share a certain closeness with each other.

Also, I'm not sure that I understand what some women on this board want people to say to them about twins. So many women on this board complain that strangers say " I don't evny you", or " I'm sorry, you are going to have your hands full." But ladies are complaining about someone seeing the positive aspect of having twins too? I completely understand where ladies are coming from, but what are people supposed to comment about if they can't give their personal opinion about how they would feel if they were having twins....

Sharon&Paul

I have to agree with the previous poster. I too have a twin sister and would love to have twins that can share the same bond we have. For those that are not twins it is hard to explain. But there are pluses and minuses to every situation. My mother actually wished for another twin pregnancy with her 5th pregnancy. My mother who is 5'1 and carried a 7lb 14 oz baby and a 7lb 7oz baby full term without complications. I realize that many multiple pregnancies have complications, but many don't. Same many singleton pregnancies have complications and many don't. My mother always says the first year was hard, but after that it was actually much easier since we were at the same developmental stage.

k&b51907

I very much agree with you.  It is a blessing to have twins or triplets but at the same time it's not easy.  I wish I could fully enjoy my pregnancy but I'm so nervous about the health risks all the time.

DenverGrl

ehpope:

Also, I'm not sure that I understand what some women on this board want people to say to them about twins. So many women on this board complain that strangers say " I don't evny you", or " I'm sorry, you are going to have your hands full." But ladies are complaining about someone seeing the positive aspect of having twins too? I completely understand where ladies are coming from, but what are people supposed to comment about if they can't give their personal opinion about how they would feel if they were having twins....

I don't mind the people who tell me congratulations or say I'm blessed to have twins.  It's the people who tell me they've always wanted twins because they think it would be "fun" that bother me.  I had a very easy pregnancy and delivered at 38 weeks.  However there are so many women here who have had difficult pregnancies and have helplessly watched their babies fight for their life before and after they were born.  It's hard not to think of those women when someone tells me they want to have twins because they think it would be cute.  I usually don't say anything because they don't understand.  But it still bothers me.

 

Rinnie

I get that comment all the time to.  And although I love my twins and am very grateful for them.  I just don't think people understand the risks involved with twins.

My step-mom who has twin girls also said people tend to romantize it.  Her babies were born 39 years ago and spent 3 months in the NICU.  She wonders if people realize the stress that puts a person through.

They don't realize the stress the pregnancy puts on your body or mind.  Or the potential health issues for both the mom & baby.

I don't get it either because you always hear about the twin moms who give birth early or have tons of isses. 

ehpope

Fair enough.

Sharon&Paul

I have a question. For those of you with twins already do any of you wish for another twin pregnancy in the future or just a singleton?

DenverGrl

Ehpope, .  I just read my post and it came off as a little abrasive.  I honestly didn't mean it that way. It wasn't directed at you specifically.  I was just trying to explain why I think people get upset at those comments.

weemodin

ehpope:

Also, I'm not sure that I understand what some women on this board want people to say to them about twins. So many women on this board complain that strangers say " I don't evny you", or " I'm sorry, you are going to have your hands full." But ladies are complaining about someone seeing the positive aspect of having twins too? I completely understand where ladies are coming from, but what are people supposed to comment about if they can't give their personal opinion about how they would feel if they were having twins....

THANK YOU!!!

In real life, I don't know anyone who gets as annoyed/peeved by casual comments as the people on the nest. 

sara1014

DenverGrl:

My only exception is when someone has to deal with infertility.  After 2+ years of fertility treatments and knowing I would not have another chance at having another child, I was thrilled to find out I was having twins.  And yes, I was very aware of the risks.  However, I never once thought "Hey, twins would be neat!".

I fall into this category.  When we did IVF, I knew the risk of ending up with twins, but we did it because that's where our road took us.  I remember getting my beta number (and knowing good and well that they really mean nothing) and freaking out a little at the thought of having 2.  When we had our first u/s I was thrilled because I've always wanted 2 children and there they were (potentially).  I was also very concerned and worried (and still am at times) about the outcome because I never imagined my body would tolerate twins so well.  

It's funny though - because when I was like 9 (and of course didn't know any better) my plan was to have b/g twins and have my family finished in one shot because I only wanted to be pregnant once.  Maybe I knew how much I wouldn't enjoy pregnancy way back then???  It's strange how things work out in the end. 

FaeryStarGazer

Sharon&Paul:

I have a question. For those of you with twins already do any of you wish for another twin pregnancy in the future or just a singleton?

fvck no, never ever ever again. Count me in as one of those people who hate the "twins are so cute and so fun! what's more fun than two babies?!" crap. Pregnancy alone was hard enough on me that I had my tubes tied at 27. Never ever again. Ever. Now that mine are two years old, things have gotten... different. Not easier so much not really harder, just different.

groovygrl

weemodin:

ehpope:

Also, I'm not sure that I understand what some women on this board want people to say to them about twins. So many women on this board complain that strangers say " I don't evny you", or " I'm sorry, you are going to have your hands full." But ladies are complaining about someone seeing the positive aspect of having twins too? I completely understand where ladies are coming from, but what are people supposed to comment about if they can't give their personal opinion about how they would feel if they were having twins....

THANK YOU!!!

In real life, I don't know anyone who gets as annoyed/peeved by casual comments as the people on the nest. 

I'm with you guys... ppl are damned if they do, damned if they don't it seems.

Were we excited about having twins after having to do IVF even though I have always been fully aware of the risks (I work in healthcare & we also seriously debated only transferring 1 embryo)? Yup, I admit it. Did it petrify me too? yes, and still does. But I don't blame ppl who think it is fun/exciting- twins are unique and different and are often close  & have the bonds others have mentioned and I don't think it is weird to think it would be fun to have them. Grass is always greener.

I have  friend whose due date is the week before mine though- she has made many comments about how she was hoping for twins (they're 35 & 41 and I dont think will have any more kids so I suspect that is why) and she was hoping to see two at their first u/s and I will admit that made me feel a little uncomfortable but only b/c she said it several times & I try not to really hype up the twin thing when I'm around her. 

CrazeyJaneyR

There was big snarkfest over a post like this on 1st tri today.

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/20004965.aspx?

TripMomma

Sharon&Paul:

I have a question. For those of you with twins already do any of you wish for another twin pregnancy in the future or just a singleton?

I sorta do. I had a rough time, spent 6 weeks on hospital bedrest, my babies were in the NICU 1 month...feeders and growers thankfully. They are now huge, healthy, and beautiful. We are going to try for one more and wouldn't mind a bit of we get twins or triplets. This has been the best time of my life and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

macchiatto

I think the reason people get annoyed by the comments--or I do, at least, is partly the simple fact that you hear the exact same comments a MILLION times. Yes, I do have my hands full, but I don't need every other person I see to point that out to me. The other reason is b/c people tend to take an extreme view of having twins: Either "You're SO lucky!" or "That would be SO hard I'd shoot myself." "Nice" comments are ones that respect the middle ground, or a simple, "Congratulations!" or even "So what's it like having twins?" rather than assuming you know when you've never had them.