I cried at the grocery store

aimeelv

I feel like a total idiot. 

We were about 2/3 of the way through the store when Zachary had a meltdown.  We had one of those big truck carts (which he usually loves), but there was something funky going on with the seatbelts and they kept sliding loose on him.  He was arching his back and screaming, so I eventually took him out of the seat since the seatbelt wasn't holding him in.  He didn't want to walk with me, didn't want me to hold him - nothing.  He was giving me noodle legs or sitting on the floor screaming.

People were walking by and looking at me like I was the worst parent they'd ever seen.  Finally, a lady walked by gave me a particularly dirty look and I just lost it.  DH is away on business so I haven't had a break in days and I won't get one until he's back in two weeks.  Zachary doesn't usually do this and I was just at a loss.  I managed to get myself together, calm Zachary down and finish shopping, but I just feel so defeated today. 

Please tell me I'm not the only one who's lost it like that before.  What would you have done if it was your child who was throwing the fit? 

MrsKellyOrBust

You handled it better than I would have- I would have abandoned cart and ran out of the store. I'm so sorry that people were rude to you

I couldn't imagine being alone with DS for two weeks. Is there anyone (family) close by that could give you some help?

VTbride05

Oh I understand! I hate it when DH is away. I try and bring snacks to the store with us now. His snack cup works well b/c its not messy.

Get some ice cream tonight and enjoy!

punkfiction

lol ok. you have a long road ahead of you if you cry about a meltdown. i think the months past 2 years until about 2.5 are worse.

in a store you should make sure you come prepared. bring back up things for the cart if you have to. stickers, dum-dums, etc. when you see that he is getting antsy, bring them out!! if he does have a full blown meltdown, let it pass, make jokes about it to people walking by to save your sanity (ie: "well someone needs a nap!!" lol) and remember - most of those people have been there before. and if they haven't - then they just dont get it and can fvck off. 

fighting an almost 2 year old is going to do nothing except rile him up more, kwim? he can't express himself enough and its frustrating. and the "no bones syndrome" is pretty much the worst. just let him calm down and say "time to go" down at his level. then pick him up and keep going. 

 

and to add - i have def been there. many times it sucks. but just remember other moms know how you feel and want to throat punch those losers who give you looks

GRKaters

That is so tough! 

If it were me, I'd probably have given him a balloon to get through the shopping trip. Bribery, yes--but when you're that desperate, I say go for what works (Caleb loooooves balloons). Work on discipline and not rewarding bad behavior at home! In public, when you're on your own, it's all about survival IMO. Wish I could've helped you out! DH also travels a ton for work so I know that all-alone feeling all too well.

 

KittyCatBio

i'm sorry, that sounds horrible.  hope things are really good the rest of the time your DH is OOT.

olivia_eve

Oh, I totally get it. 

Weird question- would it have made you feel better if someone had come up to you and told you, "It's okay, you're doing a good job."  I've always wanted to do that to someone when their kid is freaking out, but I don't want to look like a weirdo.

I think people need support in situations like that, not dirty looks.

JoyousJulia

We all have bad days. Sorry Zach lost it on you like that. Do you have friends or family that might be able to take him for you for a bit so that you can have a break?

goodtobethelarkster

((( hugs ))) That's rough.  I've definitely broken down like that before. DD and I have had 17 million weddings this summer so I've been lugging an overtired toddler around airports a lot by myself.  It sucks. 

On the plus side, though, sometimes crying a bit helps a lot.  Catharsis and all that sort of thing...

I hate it when people give dirty looks when a toddler is acting like a toddler in public.  Tantrums happen.  Their public disapproval isn't helping the situation at all. 

Hang in there!  You are definitely not alone in feeling like this sometimes.

Temp174496125006552

Ugh.  That woman needs a smack.  Even the most well behaved child has a bad day here and there.  It is no reflection on you as a mom.  I probably would have abandoned the cart and left.  But with your DH being away and carrying the load yourself, I can see why you broke down. 

Hopefully, your day gets better!  I say have a glass of wine tonight and take a long bath. 

Temp174496125006552

BTW, I keep meaning to tell you that I love your new siggy.  So cute!

aimeelv

I had snacks, a sippy cup and one of his toys with me but he wasn't interested in any of it.  I tried talking to him, singing to him, letting him put things into the cart... Ugh! 

We dont' have any family out here and I still haven't found a babysitter.  I really need to figure something out!!

Rubygirl

Oh yes, I've been there.  H is gone a lot so I'm often on my own.  And DS has entered the tantrum stage.  It's getting harder to go shopping after work because he's usually overtired.  He threw a fit in Walgreens last week and I just let him lay in the floor and scream for a minute. He continued to scream until passing out in the car on the way home. In my pre-baby days I probably would have given a mother in my situation an odd look too, but I just had no clue then.  Someone did walk by us and asked if he was okay. 

If we're in the grocery I try to distract him by pulling something off the shelf for him to play with.  When he gets bored, and throws it on the floor, I find something new.  (And yes, I do pick up the item he threw).  He loves my keys and my cell phone - which usually are good for entertaining him for a while.   Don't worry - the mothers in the store have been there and those that aren't parents can get over themselves.

Erin&Rod

That sounds very similar to our trip to the grocery store yesterday.  Connor will not get into any other shopping cart other than the race car cart.  I tried to put him into a regular cart yesterday because I only needed a few things and he threw a fit, so I gave in and pushed the ridiculously hugmungous cart around the store.  He made it through the store until we got to the check out line and he threw a fit, slipped himself out of the seat belt, was standing in the card and screaming as I was trying to get him to sit back down.  Luckliy we were on our way out.  Don't feel defeated!  It sounds like our guys are making their ways into the terrible twos.  Connor's tantrums are pretty short and managable, but can be frequent.  I'm getting used to it.

MAprincess

Anyone who gave you a dirty look is a huge jerk.  You can't magically CONTROL another human being.  Clearly you were trying and that is all you could do.  Seriously.  You were in a store, not a Broadway play.  And sometimes these things happen.  Don't feel bad- we all have our moments.

punkfiction

aimeelv:

I had snacks, a sippy cup and one of his toys with me but he wasn't interested in any of it.  I tried talking to him, singing to him, letting him put things into the cart... Ugh! 

We dont' have any family out here and I still haven't found a babysitter.  I really need to figure something out!!

try NEW toys. like toys only for the store? kwim?

 

and also a *new* snack. this is why you see parents opening things at the store lol

ladeebri

I definatley know the point of frustration where all you can do is cry.  Dont feel bad.  Like pp'ers said anyone who gives you a side eye needs a perspective adjustment!

I really cant imagine having DH gone so often, so props to you for making it through all of this!  I'd be having my own daily meltdowns if I had to do it all by myself.

aimeelv

olivia_eve:

Oh, I totally get it. 

Weird question- would it have made you feel better if someone had come up to you and told you, "It's okay, you're doing a good job."  I've always wanted to do that to someone when their kid is freaking out, but I don't want to look like a weirdo.

I think people need support in situations like that, not dirty looks.

I've did that once before.  I don't know if it helped, but I agree that support is better than dirty looks.  I would have really loved it if someone had talked to Zachary a little bit to distract him.  The last time he started getting cranky at the store a couple of older ladies did that and it distracted him enough that he forgot he was upset.

Thanks for the support, girls!  It feels good to know that I'm not alone.

SportsLover

We've ALL been there.  Hang in there!  Can you get a babysitter for a few hours one day?

june05iris

poor thing.  inevitably, DD meltsdown about 2/3 of the way through the store as well.  i try to entertain her, but there are usually some screams, followed by me ending up having to carry her.  only one time at target have i ever just ditched the cart and left.  most of the time i just try to calm her down, and keep going, even when thats hard.  luckily, i dont get too many dirty looks, or im too distracted to notice.  i always get so embarassed anyway.  i am pretty sure my cheeks are always flame red when it happens.  dont worry too much.  *hugs*

tmp-354536812503300

Nicholas had a particularly horrible day on Tuesday. Luckly, we were able to stay home. Eventually I got so frustrated, exhausted, and lost that I had to laugh because if I didn't, I would have cried. It helped me although it didn't help Nicholas' behavior any. I wonder if I had cried would he have seen that and shaped up? Hmm. Maybe next time I'll try the cry.

Hang in there, every parent has been through at least 1 meltdown at the most inopportune time. If anyone acts like they haven't, shoot them a dirty look for being big fat ugly liars then stick out your tongue at them.

KittyCatBio

aimeelv:

olivia_eve:

 

I've did that once before.  I don't know if it helped, but I agree that support is better than dirty looks.  I would have really loved it if someone had talked to Zachary a little bit to distract him.  The last time he started getting cranky at the store a couple of older ladies did that and it distracted him enough that he forgot he was upset.

Thanks for the support, girls!  It feels good to know that I'm not alone.

Not to be ageist, but i freakin love little old ladies.  or even big old ladies.  they were a lifesaver on our plane trip, and have averted quite a few cry fests.  kat must have lil old lady magnet-if she fusses in public some random blue hair is all over her in seconds.

*Scuzzlebutt*

I totally understand how you feel and I offer you a big hug!

My daughter is really good in grocery stores (almost too good to be true sometimes...so of course, it can't last!)  Today, we went to get groceries (just me and her) and she insisted on holding the carton of milk because it had a cow on it - she was telling anyone we passed that the cow says "Moooooooooooooooo" and she was so proud.  Well, once I tried to take it away from her to pay for it, we had a full on meltdown!  Arching back, slipping out of the seatbelt, trying to stand, screaming, flailing her arms, screeching (and she has an ear-piercing screech when she wants to make herself heard) and so on.  Then she grabbed a box of Crystal Light singles out of my hand, ripped the top off of it, and sent the little packages of mix flying all over the place, while screeching at the top of her lungs.  Then she threw her snack cup, her sippy, and banged her head against the cart handle.  It was pretty ugly!  I was trying to calm her down, to talk to her, to explain that it wasn't the end of the world and that she could have the milk back soon....nothing works when you are dealing with a tantrum in public!  I didn't get any dirty looks though - I'm sorry you had to deal with such a rude woman!

Hang in there - it's not easy, especially when you're on your own.  My husband travels a lot and I've been alone with DD for a month at a time.  I don't have any real advice, but I think all parents have been there and understand.  Anyone else doesn't get it and they can suck it!

NewlywednOhio

You did quite well considering the situation. I think you handled it better than most.

DS did the same thing to me last week because he hadn't had a nap yet and was cranky.?Fortunately, I was able to call my DH to come get him so I could finish shopping.

In your situation though, I would ask a friend or relative to watch him while you grocery shop until your DH gets back from his trip.

You really do need to pat yourself on the back though. If I was in that situation, I would have left the store.

thomas&lynn

I won't know for sure until I'm in your situation but I am always afraid of leaving = rewarding for them in some way so I'd do what you did and keep on. I don't cry easily but I imagine if I had had no breaks in that long that that would do me in for sure. Like a last straw type of thing.

I am a fan of just not looking at other people when she has a mini yelling spree. What I don't know helps me stay calm I guess

Laroogirl

You are not alone. And I would have done the same thing.  Sometimes you can do everything to please them, entertain, whatever and a meltdown still happens.  And yes it is great when a little old lady, fat old man or even the pimple-faced teenage boy bagging talks to DS and distracts him while I unload the cart onto the conveyer belt. 

Hugs to you and definitely enjoy some quiet alone time this evening! 

citygirl_

Awww, I'm so sorry! ?Why do people have to be so nasty? ?I mean, really, he's a toddler - it's expected that he will act out! ?We all have tough days, especially with little or no help. ?Hang in there!

kelly&marty

A few weeks ago, DS did this, and for some reason DH gave him a bag of frozen peas to play with. Wow, it was like he thought it was the most amazing toy ever! Totally calmed him down and he was laughing and smiling. We've done it a few times since, when we see him start to get bored, and he loves it. He puts it on various parts of his body/face to see how it feels. Yes, we buy the peas afterwards!

SpartanGirl

There are weeks that I cry everyday and some of those days we don't even venture out of the house.

(((HUGS)))  I'm sorry those around you weren't more understanding.  Next time, chuck a canned good at their heads.  

I hope your day gets better!

crackerjackprinter

OP I don't know if you'll see this, but one thing I intend to do once Mady gets to the point of being more difficult when we're out of the house (which I think we're fast approaching as she's walking more and more) is to take smaller, more frequent trips.  Instead of one trip that takes 45 minutes in the store, break it up into two trips during the week.  Or even more depending on your proximity.  That way (hopefully) they don't get bored too quickly.  I also would totally grab a new snack off the shelf for them.  As long as you pay for it, who cares!

ktb31

Switch to Peapod:)

My son is getting to that age where he is starting to throw tantrums, it's awesome.  Hang in there, any mom who says she hasn't had those moments is lying!