Need advice...NBR (really) (long)

bl2007

So let me start by saying that my DH does not have a good relationship with his mother.  Family says that she was partially to blame for his first marriage ending because she is depressed, a drunk and just plain mean.  With that said, I have been nothing but nice to her (really, my DH even says that I go above and beyond what I need to) and until we got engaged, she seemed to like me too.  A little history on some of the things that she has done.....she told my grandmother that I was a f***ing b!tch (my 83 yo GM!!!), she told people that she wouldn't be happy again until her son was single, she talks about me at every party we go to very loudly and very rudely and tells people what a horrible mother I am.  The final straw after 4 years of the abuse was in an attempt to hurt me (I am sure) she verbally attacked my 1 yo plus said that she resents him because now she knows that DH won't leave me.  All of the other family members love me, she just has problems letting go of her little boy.  So after her comments about my son, I came home and told DH that I was done and I wanted her out of our lives.  I refuse to put my child in mental or physical danger (because of her drinking and her wanting to hold him) or risk him overhearing bad things that she says about me.  DH says "what took you so long".  So that is what we have done.  since then her sister has sent me a pretty ugly email about making DH hate his mother is wrong and I will understand how MIL feels one day when my son does this to me.  It's just a really awful situation and where DH feels like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, I feel like its been put on me.  We have a fantastic relationship with his father and his family, I just really don't want anything to do with MIL side because I feel like they are all crazy!!!  My mom is beside herself angry at this woman because her and DS have a great relationship and she doesn't understand how she is like this.  Well, we were invited to a BBQ at his cousin's house for their new baby and of course both MIL and her sis will be there and I just don't want to go.  DH is a little upset because he feels like we are now alienating his cousins as well (and his cousin's wife is a b!tch herself and will openly admit that).  But I don't want to see them or allow them to even get a glimpse of my son.  they are not worthy of even that.  part of me feels really petty and the other part just knows that I am soooo stressed out from situation like this that I should just avoid them.  I DO NOT want them to know that I am preg and I will definitely be showing by the day of the BBQ.  ugh.  I don't know what to do!!!  Go and be the bigger person (which I'm kindof tired of being) or stay home and save myself the stress especially because I am so early on?  HELP

skibrook82

Wow...that is a pretty terrible situation...I'm sorry you have to go through this!  Honestly, since you have severed ties with your MIL, I would probably not go and not put yourself through that stress of it all.  Good luck with your decision, I really don't think there is a right and wrong way to go about this, you really have to do what you feel is the best for you and your family.

MrsGhappilyeverafter

That's such a difficult situation.  I'm sorry you have to deal with such a crazy MIL.  I think you should talk to your DH about what the best plan would be, for all of you to go or not to go, or for just him to go and make up an excuse why you couldn't be there.  Remind your DH that you really need to remain as stress-free as possible right now.  I hope you're able to work out a good plan.  ((HUGS))

Lanette

Wow...I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. That being said, I think you have done exactly what you needed to do. You tried to be the better person (it sounds like for quite a while) and give MIL, SIS, etc. time to come around and or change & most importantly when they didn't you distanced you and YOUR family from the situation. If I were in your position I would tell DH to go to the BBQ, take a gift, have a good time and send your regrets that you could not make it. Maybe make up an excuse that DS has a cold and you don't want him to get anyone else sick. This way the cousins don't think you?re trying to alienate them and you still keep your distance from crazy MIL & SIS. I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress too much. Just remember that you are being an amazing mother by protecting your own family first and removing yourself and your children from a seemingly abusive and dangerous person/situation. GL to you!

KRIST4N

wow...big hugs! ?That sucks! ?If DH really doesn't want to alienate his cousins then I would go with him but get my mom or someone to watch DS and tell them that he was sick or something since you really don't want him around that potentially hostel environment, but again, you need to be careful with stress too, so you and DH need to decide. ?Good Luck!

bl2007

Thank you all for your input.  This has just been such a horrible situation cause I am so close with my family.  I have some time to decide what I am going to do and hopefully everything will turn out OK.