Help..need to end cosleeping :(

ESTH2000

So here is my situation. I am mostly bfding DD. She gets one bottle of Formula during the day while I'm at work because I can't make enough milk (not sure this is relevant but just in case). .

Since I discovered how much easier and comfortable it was to bf laying down, we pretty much have been sleeping together. Basically from day one. DH husband has had to move to our guest room because all three of us don't fit on the bed and I don't really sleep when he is with us because I'm afraid he may move or something and hurt the baby. WELL...I think it is time for DH and I to start sleeping in our own bed. There really is a lot more to this situation with DH but that is another post. To put it lightly...I barely pay any attention to DH anymore since DD was born.

SO..I nurse DD to sleep and she pretty much sleeps Thur the night with the occasional gas interruption or she will realize she isn't latched on and start looking for my boob. Once she finds me...she latches on for a little and falls back to sleep. She usually unlatches at some point and sleeps through. She is never really fully awake when this happens. I guess I am her binky.

Problem is she doesn't take a binky and I don't know where to begin to get her to sleep in her crib. We bought a mini co-sleeper a while back and she has never slept in it. I made a few attempts to put her in the cosleeper and I ended up having to get in the weirdest position so she could latch on while in the cosleeper and fall back to sleep again but eventually she would cry again and then I would be so tired that I would just bring her to bed.

I don't want to CIO or Ferber. I don't think I can handle hearing her cry for long but I do realize I need to do something for DH's sake...for our marriage. Is it horrible I would prefer to sleep with DD than with DH??? I love immensely but I love sleeping with DD too!!! I feel like since I work long hours I don't get much time with her and when we sleep together and she throws her arm around me or caresses my face.. I can just die....I think this is a whole other post but still...I realize DD needs to start sleeping in her crib.

Since I nurse her to sleep, my concern is that when she does wake it is because she is still hungry. I'm almost positive DD cluster feeds. She doesn't empty my breast..she snacks. When she does cry she is not really fully awake..she just fusses cries a Little and as soon as she finds my boob she stops and later on detaches...this only happens once or twice . Sometimes never.

Sorry I'm all over the place with this post but I didn't even want to write this because it meant I really have to do something about the situation..

As of right now we do have a bedtime routine...any help would be really appreciated.

If you got this far..thanks for reading...

lisaohgee

I think you're going to need to start putting her in her crib.  Start off by putting her in after she's asleep.  When she wakes, go in there, don't say anything, but rub her back for a few minutes, give her her binky, and leave.  Wait 5 minutes before you go back in there.  Repeat.  If she cries for an hour, then take her out and try again the next night.   If she is STTN pretty well she does not need to eat, especially at her age.

 My little guy sometimes wakes up at night for no reason and cries, and I do this.  The first night it went on for 45 minutes.  The second night, 30, and the nights after that, no more than 10, sometimes just 5.  And it doesn't happen every night.  Good luck.

susiederkins

No Cry Sleep Solution has an outline of how you can wean a baby off the suck to sleep association. We're working on it now and it seems to be helping. It also has a section on how to wean of co-sleeping (but I skipped it since we don't routinely co-sleep, so I'm not sure how helpful it is).

SoonerMagicMama

I moved DS to the crib at 2 months.  I started by having him take daytime naps in the crib.  Once I realized he naps OK in there, I just started putting him in the crib for nights.  We are now working on putting him down "drowsy but awake" and its not working very well.  I do have to say that hewakes every 2.5 hours and I have to go to the crib, but he was waking this much in our bed too, as well as in the bassinette at the foot of our bed.

Sally J

What you are describing is a completely normal co-sleeping arrangement.  It sounds like it's not working for your family, so if you are ready then make a change.  Also, every baby is different and some do NEED the milk in the middle of the night, so feed your baby if you think she's hungry.  Also some also NEED the comfort of a parent, so nurse her if that's what is comforting to her.  Your experience sounds exactly like I did with my DS, so I'll share what we did to move away from co-sleeping and into crib-sleeping.

At 8 months old is when we started the transition to the crib (that's when I was ready).  We moved the crib into our room and started with naps first.  We added a crib soother, white noise, dressed him warmer and gave him a blanket and pillow (he was used to it all from having it in our bed).  I slept with the receiving blanket we gave him for several nights so my smell would be on it (more comforting for him).

Once naps started going well, we began the transition to the crib for night time (around 8.5-9 months old).  We started out with him in the crib and I went in and nursed him as many times as he needed before going to bed myself (could be none, could be up to 5 times between 7 pm and 10 pm).  After I went to bed if we woke up again, I pulled him into our bed and then after getting up for work I would put him back in the crib (so co-sleeping was from 1-5 am).

When I felt he was ready to learn to self soothe (around 10 months), we used several of the methods in No Cry Sleep Solution to end the suck to sleep association and gently teach him how to soothe himself without nursing.  This really helped him stop rooting in the middle of the night while co-sleeping--basically drastically reduced the number of times he woke up.  The NCSS also helped end the co-sleeping--mostly because I finally realized that I was REALLY ready to have him sleep in his own bed and not in bed with me.  Until I had that realization and WANTED to stop co-sleeping, we could have gone on forever with co-sleeping.

At 14 months old we moved him out of our room and into his own room (moved to a bigger place).  We also introduced a lovey (musical stuffed pink hippo and a Little Golden book).  He more or less started STTN around 12 months old, but then teething started (molars and I-teethe), so we are finally back to STTN.

 

ESTH2000

thank you all...it seems as though the hardest part is that I don't think I'm ready to end the cosleepin

Meg&Jesse

I can relate to a lot of your post.  I loved co-sleeping and would have liked to continue co-sleeping (although looking back I am glad we stopped when we did).  We co-slept for similiar reasons, it was easier to nurse and I felt like I was spending more time/bonding with DS.  DH was not in support of the co-sleeping anymore and wanted to transition DS. 

I agree that every child is different and you have to do what works for you.  SallyJ's post has a lot of helpful suggestions.  We would have gone that route; however DS went to his crib easier than I thought (I think we switched to the crib around 7 months).  I do nurse him before bed and put him to sleep drowsy.  (IMO, putting your LO to bed awake, but drowsy is key...then they can learn to put themselves to bed).  I slept in DS's room on a mattress on the floor for about 2 weeks, because it helped ease the transition (mainly for me!)  Oh...I also introduced a nuk, so that helps with the sucking.  And, DS has a taggie blanket that he sleeps with.  I still nurse DS throughout the night when he wakes up.  Sometimes he latches on and falls back asleep without getting any milk, sometimes he nurses for a few minutes.  Although, I have been told "he doesn't need the calories..." I still nurse him in the night if he wakes up.  As the PP stated, you have to do what works for you and your LO.  We have never used CIO (an exception being if DS is overly exhausted and having a difficult time falling asleep, he may cry for 3-4 minutes before falling asleep) and have been successful at this.

DS does not sleep through the night.  He still wakes...oh it varies..now he is teething and starting to walk..so we are all over the place, some nights good, some not so good.  Althought I have to wake up and go into his room to nurse him, I quickly adjusted to that.  I don't feel more tired than when he was in bed with us.  And...I did notice that he slept a bit better when he transitioned to his own crib.  If the boob wasn't there in front of him..well...he didn't use it!

So, in hindsight a few reasons I am glad we did transition DS to his crib.  First, I sleep much better.  I don't find myself stuck in akward positions and not wanting to move because DS would wake up.  DH and I have our bed to ourselves again.  Once DS started crawling and now walking he is all. over. the. place. constantly!  Our bed is very high off the ground,because we have drawers underneath.  I would never sleep for fear that DS would fall off the bed.

Sorry this is so long.  I feel your frustration and sadness over this situation.  Like I said, I really really loved co-sleeping and wish it was more accepted in our society.  You have to do what works for you though.  I also suggest reading a few books.  You don't have to CIO or Ferber either, just make small steps to make it work for your family.  Good Luck!

mrsrobinsontobe

why not get an arm's reach co-sleeper...it attaches to the bed and when baby falls asleep, just slide her over to her own "space" we slept with daughter for 14 mos this way...we had a queen sized be then...our son is still with us at 13 mos but mostly sleeps in our bed, but we have a king now so it's no big deal. it must be tough having your husband in a different room. google arms reach co sleeper...it's great, and it's a pnp after so it's useful...original, not the bassinet...gl!