I'm having a hard time feeling connected to this pg

jen-dale

I feel like that already makes me a bad mother. I know it is probably based on fear. Is this normal? I am hoping it resolves itself once I start to look and/or feel more pregnant. If I need professional help, please do not be afraid to tell me that either.

 

kmtfu

Personally I think it's completely normal though I've thought of seeking pro help myself, too.  Just the other day, DH asked if I was excited yet about this pg. I started to cry. I really am excited, but it's SO SO SO hard this time around. I feel like my innocense was ripped away from me.  Plus, it doesn't help matters that this month (today specifically) marks a year since my last (and only other) BFP/loss.

Hang in there. With each milestone you WILL feel more connected.  ((hugs))

ashley0616

What you're feeling is totally normal. I'm feeling the same way, disconnected. It's hard to get so excited over something and then have it taken away from you, as with the m/c. So I think it's just a survival tactic we have subconciously. You'll start feeling more connected once you start to feel pg, and probably once you start to feel better if you're having any m/s right now. GL! And don't feel like you need to be institutionalized. )

HugginAngel

I think everyone has their fear because of what has occured in the past for us all and there's nothing wrong with being cautious and hopefully as time goes on and the baby's are closer to arriving we can all feel just pure excitement rather than that fear. Never be afraid to seek help if you feel that you need it, only you know yourself and what you need to do to be happy.

I_Love2Sew

It's SO NORMAL!! I have a terrific book someone gave me after we lost Alex titled "In Heavenly Arms".  The author (a phd) talks about how natural it is for women to build up a wall with the next pregnancy following loss.  My edd for Alex was yesterday and I'm praying that I can bond with this baby soon. Just like you I have a really hard time getting attached to the idea having a baby again.  You will bond and like you said it might be after you see your body physically changing.  You are NOT a bad mother.  In fact I would say you are a terrific mother to still be thinking of the child that was lost.  (hugs and prayers)

GershiGirl

I think this is totally normal.  I purposely detatched myself from my pregnancy for the first 12 weeks or so.  I just tried to not even think about the baby or the fact that I was pregnant at all.  I was just too scared about losing it again.  Once I made it past the end of the 1st tri I slowly started to come around and feel more connected and every little mile stone helps--hearing the hb for the first time, finding out the sex, feeling the first movement, starting to register for things that your baby will use.  I still don't think I'm as connected as my friends who have never had a loss, but I'm getting there.  I wouldn't worry too much, if nothing else you'll feel connected when the baby is in your arms and that's what's important!

kristin7701

I think it's totally normal. I felt the same way for the first 14w of this PG. We do it for defensive reasons -- to try to protect ourselves from what might happen. For me, it was because I was convinced I had breast cancer (luckily, I don't) and I wasn't sure how everything was going to get resolved.

I *know* as your PG progresses, these feelings will subside. And if it's any consolation, I feel totally connected to this PG now and we have just started thinking about names and haven't done anything about the nursery. There's plenty of time, right? 

Rossi17

Totally normal. I think that I started to connect with my baby when I felt more pregnant, and I was encouraged to start making plans (making appointments with the OB, ultrasounds, registering for baby stuff). I especially started making a connection when I could feel her move. I didn't do this, but you might want to consider getting a doppler in a few weeks so you can hear the heartbeat. 

These things by no means makes the fear go away, but it does help with connecting.  

jerseylinds

You are NOT crazy!!! If anything, it should make you a better mother because you're already concerned about your feelings for the baby.  I was actually going to post something about the way i've been feeling to and my confusion about the whole thing.  I think it's totally normal, and you should know that you're not alone.

tiffanylaw06

It's normal unfortunately.  I am still trying to connect to this pregnant.  Each milestone makes it easier and makes me more comfortable but it's not complete bliss or a super connected feeling.  Just the other day I broke down sobbing that I'm so scared to lose this baby.  It's hard but I try to take one day at a time.

ibis

I felt like that for such a long time... I had an emotional breakdown at 10 weeks and just felt so sad about it.

I feel a little more connected now, but I have to say it's still not like my first pg, when I felt connected right away. I've learned to just not compare the two experiences. This is different and that's ok.

I think I will feel connected when I start to feel movement. Along the way it has helped me at my lower points to go shopping, or even just browsing, for baby gear or maternity clothes.

What you're feeling is really normal!! 

mrstyson03

ashley0616:

What you're feeling is totally normal. I'm feeling the same way, disconnected. It's hard to get so excited over something and then have it taken away from you, as with the m/c. So I think it's just a survival tactic we have subconciously. You'll start feeling more connected once you start to feel pg, and probably once you start to feel better if you're having any m/s right now. GL! And don't feel like you need to be institutionalized. )

This. I have my moments too. Even after seeing the LO, my OB said things looked great, but we're not out of the woods yet (until post 9 weeks).  I really wish he would have kept that bit of information to himself. It's so hard b/c the m/c made me realize just how powerless I am, and how little control we really have over the situation. A friend of mine's DH bought a crib the same week they got their BFP. Here I am afraid to even buy a onesie. Oh well, I'm sure it will get better soon.

ellenaxo

I think it's completely normal. I honestly think that once you start to look more pregnant and feel life from inside you, these feelings will start to change. ((hugs)) You are not a bad mother!

RebandJake

Yep I spent my whole first tri either obsessing/worrying or trying to forget that I was pregnant to save my sanity.  It's normal after a loss, I think!  You will grow out of this phase as you get farther along and then you will have more love than you ever knew was possible!

MrsGhappilyeverafter

I felt detached for a while.  It was like I felt like I had to be prepared to lose this baby.  As I got closer to the end of the 1st tri when I'd seen and heard a healthy h/b, I did some googling on the chance of m/c at that point.  That's when I let my guard down and let myself feel more attached to the baby.  It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do.

gwenypher7

Normal. It's your mind's way of protecting you emotionally. I started to feel more connected during the 2nd tri - right when I started getting my bump. Then when I started feeling her move, I started feeling like her mother.

1st tri after a loss is ROUGH, especially when you've had some spotting/uncertainty. Just hang in there and don't feel like there's a certain way you SHOULD be feeling.

elenarf

I know how you feel.  I can't seem to get myself really excited...I want to be cautious about this pregnancy.  I think it is normal when you have experienced a loss.

aandg

I think it's totally normal and a way of protecting yourself. I'm feeling the same way. I'm happy about this pregnancy, but I'm not letting myself get too excited. I keep thinking that maybe after my next appt I'll start to feel like this is real, but who knows. 

I really think that even if you feel detached throughout the entire pregnancy, you will still love your LO like crazy as soon as they are born.  

Bleeding_Heart

I think this is totally normal.?

I did not start to feel connected to this baby until after my EDD for my twins. ?Once I was able to get past that date I felt a lot more connected.?