HTT: Daycare
I'm curious about how you all feel on this topic. After a couple of weekends with my folks staying in my home with us (they recently moved out of town to their retirement home), it's become clear to me that my plan of having my Mom stay with us often to assist with baby care might not be the best plan. I love her to death, but I like my privacy. A LOT. And I'm worried that the stress of having them in our house a few times a month will negate the benefit of the respite they provide us.
So, that means I'll have to rethink the use of daycare. Mind you, as a pharmacist, my schedule is super-flexible and I think my boss is willing to work with me on a plan to work mostly evenings/weekends for the first year - meaning I'l only need an afternoon or two of daycare a week.
There are those who feel that as an adoptive parent, it's not "right" of me to put a child in daycare. As in, "Why did you want a child if you were just going to put it in daycare?"
I'm guessing there's strong feelings on the topic even in our own group. Let's hear 'em!
Re: HTT: Daycare
Sorry, no strong feelings from me. People have the option of how to handle childcare, and some moms either want to or have to work outside of the home, while others either want to or can afford to be SAHMs.
I think my case is the polar opposite of yours. I have a 1+ hour commute (on a good day), which in and of itself would make juggling childcare interesting, to say the least.
Most people have to work ... so I don't see why there would be heated feelings.
I would hope there wasn't lol. Besides, you won't even need daycare that often.
I went to college to be the director of a child care center but it's quite difficult to exactly open one ... so i'm on hold. (thinking about being a doula then midwife now lol)
I don't send my daughter to a daycare but that's because by the time she got old enough to where I was thinking of going to work -- she didn't understand why we were going to leave her and I didn't feel it was right b/c she was so confused.
She is going to be starting preschool Aug 2010 and i'm hoping she'll be old enough to get that we can't go with her. (She'll be 4) Right now she still cries when we talk about her going to school lol.
This is the type of comment my own father made to me! He was like, "Your baby is going to have to go to daycare?" Sheesh, dad!
There are many arguments for and against daycare. I would love to be a full time SAHM, but that won't be possible for awhile. My niece has been in full time daycare since she was 8 weeks old (now 4 1/2) and she is perfectly well-adjusted and will be so ready for kindergarten in another year. I have friends who SAH full time and their kids are perfectly well-adjusted and will also be ready for kindergarten when the time comes.
My opinion is that parents have to make decisions everyday about what is the best for their family and daycare is just one of those decisions. For some families it's the best option and for others it's not. If we find out that it's not the best option for our child after we've tried it then we will make other arrangements.
I wish people weren't so darned judgey.
Good luck on your search for child care!
I have to work so daycare it is. I would love to be a SAHM. Since I have a better paying job than my DH I have to work.
DH will probably start school full time soon which is all being paid for and is his dream so I will be the only paycheck in our home. DH is retired after 20 years in the Navy so I think he deserves it. When he retired the economy in our town was/is bad so he has a low paying job but it is regular hours. After he finishes school the first will be gone say maybe then....
Um don't people who give birth also place their children in childcare? Why did they give birth to a child if they were just going to put them in daycare (this is sarcasm btw)
Motherhood/parenthood in general comes with unrealistic ideas and standards. It amazes me that women every where haven't just gone insane already.
I think there are potentially higher expectations on adoptive parents from the outside world ... as adoptive parents let's not encourage that type of thinking.
Parents are parents regardless how they came to be parents - why should adoptive parents have higher expectations and standards to meet than those who have children through birth?
No problem with daycare. It's a reality of our society. We will have a nanny starting part time this week and then full time when the summer is over - even though I will be home (mostly working from home).
This shouldn't even be a hot topic. I mean, what works for one family might not work for another. If someone has an opinion on what "should work" for another family, they need to stuff it.
THIS infuriates me. This assumes that people who didn't choose adoption didn't want or value their child as much as people who did. I battled infertility; does that mean my kids shouldn't be in daycare? What an asinine statement (of course I'm not attacking you Colo!). FWIW, my kids go to a daycare center 3 days a week. MIL watches them 1 day, and I have a day off every week. I have no choice but to work - my student loans are ridiculous. At first I felt very guilty and wanted nothing more than to be a SAHM. But I'll tell you what - I couldn't SAH full-time. I just don't have the patience. I love my day off with the kids, but it's by far the hardest day of my week. And the experiences the kids get at daycare are way beyond what I could provide. Maybe if I had tons of money and a helper I could provide the same experiences... but I'm very, very happy with our setup.
I believe that it takes a certain personality or temperament to be a "good" SAHP - ensuring that your kids get socialization and enriching, diverse experiences. Lots of parents don't have that, but it doesn't make them a bad parent. Daycare is not evil, and it should never be used to make people feel guilty or less of a worthy parent.
I think that is the most annoying thing.
Anyway, I personally never wanted to put my kid(s) in daycare and planned to SAH since i was like five, but that's just me.
I don't feel any guilt about my choice - despite what others have attempted to foist upon me. I went to school for a long time to do what I do. Being a pharmacist is not just my career, but also a big part of who I am as a person. I really get a lot of satisfaction and enjoyment from this part of my life and, while it may sound selfish, I'm just not willing to walk away from it entirely.
I'm sure being a SAHM is wonderful, but it's just not for me. That being said, I'm very lucky to work in a field that will pay me a very nice salary even if I only work 2-3 days a week (definitely more than the cost of daycare).
And, to be honest, I think there is some validity to the benefits of having children socialize and be exposed to other people and things. DH and I don't have siblings with children and our friends won't have children the same age as ours. So unless I suddenly make friendships with all the mommies in my neighborhood, daycare may be a significant social outlet for my kids until school age.
I brought this up because I know a number of us work and I was wondering if others' had gotten some of the negative feedback that I've heard.
Our plan is the SAHD model...at least that's the plan right now.
However, I remember talking w/a social worker about daycare and adoption, and perceptions of birth moms.
She said something that stuck with me....there are birthmoms that come from a childhood of daycare and they think of it as normal and good. Not all birthmoms are seeking stay-at-home parents.
I just heart you right now and agree with this completely and trust me, you are not wrong about the negative feedback about daycare/working moms. ?
I NEVER pictured myself as a SAHM! I used to chastise girls who spent so much money on college (2nd most expensive school in state) to SAH. I also worked in a few daycares and I've seen some less than ideal care for LOs. I knew that if my kiddos were going to go to daycare that I would have to spend a lot of time there to see what goes on behind the scenes.
I assumed while I was pg that I would work a couple of days of week after she was born. I had no idea how hard it would be for me to actually leave. I've worked a total of about 20 hrs. I'm kind of at a crossroads where I'm going to have to decide if I want to stick with what I'm doing, stop all together, or pick up another half day a week. DH is home with her one morning and my mom would do the other. I know it is a perfect situation (for me), but I'm still hurting at the idea of leaving her.
I wonder if IF affected my decision to SAH. I can't really say if I would have wanted to stayed home otherwise.
I think there is an enormous amount of guilt placed on adoptive families. Sometimes even by adoptiong agencies. Several of them that I looked into asked that one parent SAH for one year. Thankfully it is possible for us, and we would have done it anyway.
It doesn't matter if you are working inside or outside of the home, uour baby is going to know you're the mama. Their love for you will amaze you and you will always be a hero in their eyes.
Ditto this! DD will be in daycare starting in two weeks and I don't feel bad about our decision. While I have absolutely loved being home with DD these 6 weeks I am not sure that I am cut out to be a SAHM! Plus it would be tight financially. We could probably swing it but we also want to be able to have options such as vacations or dance lessons (once she's older of course). We also want to adopt again in 2 years. We prayed a lot about where to send DD and we love every part of our daycare where she will be going so we don't feel an ounce guilty or ashamed.