TTC after 35

A bit of a rough patch

Hi, Girls.

For the first time since we started TTC in late November, I am having a shortage of hope.

On Friday, we found out that DH's first SA was not a fluke. His morph is not good. They want to do a sperm penetration assay to see if his sperm are capable of penetrating an egg. I was already thinking we had a big mountain to climb with my high FSH. I was starting to think donor egg, and now there's a chance even that won't work for us. I'm trying hard just to take this one step at a time, and see what the results of the SA are. But its hard.

To top it off, I had a very sad encounter with poor parenting on Saturday. I was at a very crowded festival, and this little boy, roughly 3, was pacing and looking worried. I stopped and asked if he was lost, and he nodded and burst into tears.

I took his hand, and promised I would not let go until we found his parents and brother. He described his family to me, and I was looking for them and/or a police officer. I kept thinking his family certainly was nearby, so I didn't want to go far.  Another woman saw me looking around and asked if he was lost. She knew one of the police officers working the festival, and she called him. He said stay put, he was on his way.

Just then, a man with an angry look on his face starting walking toward us from about half a block away. The little guy said it was his dad. Dad immediately starting yelling at the little boy. "What are you doing?! What are you doing?!" like it was a three-year-olds fault! I held the little boys's hand out for his father to take, and he took it without saying anything, and they walked away with him still yelling at the kid.  It made me so angry and sad that someone like that has a little one...

Thanks for reading - sorry it got long.  Really, I'm starting to feel better after just getting all of this off my chest.

 

Re: A bit of a rough patch

  • I'm sorry about the TTC problems.  Good luck.

     

    Ah, man that stinks about the little boy.  Poor kid. 

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  • Sorry to hear that all on the TTC front is becoming a little more rough.  Hang in there, we're here for you.

    It also amazes me what parents do and how they react when a kid 'wanders' away (usually it's the parent not paying attention).  I was at the mall last week and saw a young girl wandering against the railing looking down and the mother was with her son looking over another railing almost 2 stores down.  The mother turned around and started to yell at the little girl and was walking to get her.  The thing is that she left her young son standing back at the other railing.  I turned to my Mom and asked her what the lady was thinking.  She nor I had a good answer for that one.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker TTC #1 Cycle #18 m/c Jan. 9, 2007, chemical pg May 4, 2007, methotrexate shot Oct. 5, 2007--m/c Oct. 9, 2007, IUI Nov. 17, 2007 It worked! beta 11/30 & 12/6 TTC #2 Cycle #5 IUI July 20, 2009 -BFN 8-3-09 Cycle #6 IUI August 17, 2009-BFP! 8-31-09, beta 9-1-09, 9-8-09, saw the H/B 9-22-09 EDD 5-10-10
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  • I'm sorry Joyful.  I feel this way often, especially around the time AF arrives (which is any minute now). Lucky for us, modern medicine can do all kinds of things now.  It may end up being a lot harder than you expected at first, but I am confident you will get there.  Sorry about that poor kid too.  Life really is unfair sometimes.

    Sometimes I go lurk on the SAIF board.  It always makes me feel better to see all the miracle babies there.  Here is an IRL story to give you hope.  Acquaintance I know was told after many years of TTC they would never have kids.  So, they moved on to surrogate & adoption figuring one would fall through (as it had in the past).  Not only did both work out, but the surrogate had twins.  6 months later, yep, you guessed it, she was KU.  With 4 kids under the age of 2, she had to go on BCP at the age of 42!

     

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  • Im sorry that your feeling the loss of hope.  Sometimes I think that is the most difficult part of the TTC journey.  Please remember that even with sperm and egg issues you still have a great chance getting preg with IF treatment.  There are so many amazing things the REs can do.  

    Those situations (awful parents) upset me too.  Ugh.  It is so unfair. 
    Sending hugs :)

  • I'm so sorry to hear that you are getting discouraging news!  But, like pps said, there's a lot that can be done for IF.  I know that with IVF they can pick out the best sperms in a sample and use ICSI to help them along.

    I know that you are going to get more positive news with upcoming tests!

    Know that we are thinking about you!

  • Talk to your RE, but I believe that ICSI can deal with most morph problems. 

    TTC #1,
    IUI #1: December 2008 - BFN
    IVF #1: Microdose Lupron - July 2009; only got 1 egg; BFN
    IVF #2: Natural IVF - Sept 2009; BFP!; D&C Nov. 2009
    IVF #3: Natural IVF - ER: Feb 4, 2010 - 1 "M2" egg retrieved; ET: Feb 9; Beta#1 (19dpo): 2567; Beta #2: 6933; BFP w/ singleton w/strong hrtbt! DS born October 2010
    TTC#2
    IVF #4: Natural IVF - ER: Nov. 20, 2011; ET: Nov. 25, 2011; BFP! Beta#1 (19dpo): 1918; Saw hrtbt on 12/28/11!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Thanks, everyone, for your support and advice.  It really helps.

    Holly, your story actually made me laugh! I mean...wow. That's a lot of kids all at once! I hope they are so, so happy - even if they are probably tired. :)

    MrsKairo, I agree with you - feeling hopeless is the hardest part of this journey so far. I'd take another HSG over feeling this way!

    I do know that all hope is not lost. As all of you know, it just can be so hard sometimes. And that's not even going into the financial stuff.

    DH and I still haven't decided for sure what options we're willing to go through/can afford etc. etc. The plan has been to see what the RE recommends first, second, etc., and then talk about everything that's available to us. I was doing pretty good with that, until I started to feel like nothing would be available.

    DMD and Gymdog, thank you. I've been doing a lot more Googling than working today, and you are all right on regarding what can be done with IVF+.

    Thanks again, everyone, for your support.

     

     

  • It's hard to not always be hopeful.  Let me tell you about two friends I have...the first was told that she had ZERO chance conceiving naturally and that her only hope to get pg was IVF and that was about a 10% chance.  Guess what?... after 3 IVFs, she has a baby boy (FYI - I am using her RE!).  Second story...friend got married at age 38, DH in his 40s.  She never thought she'd get married much less be a mom. She couldn't conceive and they ended up adopting a baby girl. 

    So even though the odds can be stacked up against you, things can work out! 

  • So sorry about feeling down.... most of us here have felt the same way one time or another.  I hope you can work it all out.  Vent anytime!

    That poor kid... I hate stories like that! 

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  • sorry to hear you are feeling discouraged.  please dont give up hope.  there are so many options out there.  i hope you and your dh are able to figure out what is right for you.

    as for that dad at the festival. some people just suck. and we sit here trying our hardest to have a child and they are mistreating their own.  makes me so mad.Angry

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  • DochasDochas member
    I wish I could make you feel better.  I find the rough times come and go.  After 2 weeks of happy go lucky I feel the clouds rolling in myself.
    TTC since September '08 After 2 m/c - lap for stage 3-4 endo Oct '09 Bravelle w/Ovidrel trigger - iui on 11/07 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of that.  And witnessing craptastic parenting doesn't help.  I know how it feels to have joint issues - my DH and I are both quite challenging in the baby making department.  Hang in there - like you said, one step at a time.  You'll deal with things as you have to.  Hugs!
  • ::hugs::  Sorry that results on the SA didn't come back any better. And I know you and DH aren't sure which options you're willing to use to get pg. But if you do decide to go with IVF you can use ICSI too. I think that is what we may be looking at too.

    Also I can't believe that father, what a jerk. I can't believe that he was yelling at his child that he lost. And of course there was no thank you to you. Jerk.

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  • QE2QE2 member

    I'm so sorry, Joyful. I feel the need to get in my car, drive to Philly, and give you a big hug right now...and I'll do it!!

    I know exactly how you're feeling right now, and it really sucks. In addition to my craptastic eggs, DH also has morph issues. As the other ladies have mentioned, there is ICSI if you're up for IVF, or for the DE.?

    Is your cabin near Lake Wallenpaupack? We are visiting a friends cabin this weekend. It's DH's first cabin experience, should be interesting as he, nor his friend from Brooklyn, are outdoorsy at all. I have visions of My Cousin Vinny in my head.

    TTC since 3/08 DOR, High FSH, Hypothyroid, Uterine Polyps, blocked tube, MFI, 5 rounds of clomid, 5 IVF attempts, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 natural conceptions=2 losses (Methotrexate, D&C) Successful DE cycle twins born 10/7/11 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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