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Adoption
Poll: Goofy Questions
We all get them... what are your top three off the wall / weird / goofy / inappropriate questions that some one has asked you in regards to either adopting or fostering??
They have to be orginal, can't steal someone else's answers!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Poll: Goofy Questions
Fostering Questions:
1. Do they HAVE to spend the night?
2. Does your home owner's insurance go up because you will have foster children?
Adoptive Questions:
1. Have you prayed to St. Gerard, he'll bring you children, you just have to have faith. That's easier than adopting.
2. How long are you adopting the children for?
This might not be super weird, goofy, or inappropriate. But the one that annoys me the most is:
"Do you get to pick the gender?"
... where's he from ... oh really the US?
As if he is suppose to be from some place else ...
For some reason ... no matter WHERE I go ... I get about the same question :
What color is the baby going to be?
LOL
(I can't think of 3)
Since we haven't talked to too many people about adopting I'll post my TTC questions.
1.) Do you just have sex all the time?
2.) Maybe if you just prayed more God would give you a baby.
3.) You should eat yams, I heard they make women really fertile.
LOL yep ... heard those before! Once we decided to adopt ppl have been POSITIVE that we'll be pregnant by the time we bring a baby home.
1. Why don't you just go to an orphanage in Egypt and have them put your name on the birth certificate? Then you can tell the government you gave birth over there.
2. If you adopt siblings, does that mean you won't have any of your own? Don't you want any little {my husband's name}s running around?
3. How much is that going to cost?
4. Why don't you do _____? It's faster.
5. Don't tell them you are willing to adopt a child with medical issues/problems. If you do, they will automatically give you a child with those issues/problems. You will automatically forfeit your chance at a healthy child..
This weekend was the first time someone told me, "it always happens" that people who adopt get pregnant right after adopting. It was my brother's new fiance. When I told her that it's not true, she said, "No, really, once they get home and relax...." I just told her that the statistics aren't on her side.
See I HATE when ppl do that!!!! I have to flippin explain to my PARENTS that we have medical problems. Relaxing is NOT going to work. And it's not that easy to fix DH's problem lol.
Not necessarily questions, more comments:
Just adopt/file adoption paperwork and you'll get pregnant
You should adopt from a BM who lives far away so you don't have to deal with her
My favorite lately is every time I tell my mom I bought something for the baby, she says, "What if you get a 10-year-old?" Um, Mom, we're doing domestic infant adoption. They don't even place older children.
Yes Jessie! we've heard the same thing a million times and have told about 10 people. Ugh!!
1) What color will see be??
My DD is in high school and her answer is purple. She said she kept asking people what color they thought people from Canada are and they never seem to have a answer. So purple.
2) Why don't you just go get her? ...it's illegal
3) Are you starting over?
We have a 17 and 15 year old. Yeah the first two didn't turn out good so we are trading up for a newer model...so my DH says.
This came from my own MOTHER:
Why don't you let your sister carry your baby for you? I would prefer a biological grandchild.
Then I spent weeks crying and trying explain that it wasn't possible and I think that it was the most hurtful thing that I have ever heard. I still don't think she got it.
"Do you get to pick if it's a boy or girl?"
I don't get a ton of annoying questions, but I get the same few over and over and over and over. Literally by the same person, they just ask the same question in different ways. Even though the answer still stays the same "I don't know"
Fostering:
1. When can you adopt him?
2. you can adopt him right?
3. when will you know if you can adopt him?
4. you would adopt him right?
5. you should adopt him.
We only casually talk about adoption to people and only ONE person makes me inwardly groan. In fact I saw her at IKEA this weekend and tried to hide behind the couches when I saw her talking to Mr. Bum.
"Yeahhhh..I can see why you might want to do that...but holding your OWN child is just the most amazing thing. I can't imagine that adoption could be quite the same."
She told us that at a wedding..then when we saw her again this weekend, and she asked again?how long it would be before we had kids and Mr. Bum told her we were considering adoption...
"Oh yeah, I remember you were thinking about that. Takes a long time."
::::pats her swelling, spawning belly.::::?
Can I add some as a BM?
1. Why would you let someone else raise your child?
2. Why didn't you just find a better job to support both of you?
3. Why didn't you just move back in with your parents and let them support you?
UGHHHHHH! Money was not the only issue, in fact it was barely an issue!
1. What will you do when their real mom comes to take him/her back?
2. Me: dh and I have decided to adopt. grandma: Adopt what?
3. Oh...you're still adopting?!? (this I've gotten a ton since getting pg) or the.most.annoying.ever -- 'see, you just needed to relax'. GRRRRR!!!!!!!
I had the exact same exchange with my mom!
1. Which one is your own? (Both are.)
2. Why would you bring more Mexicans into this country? We're trying to send them back! (Um my daughter is Inupiat, but thanks.)
3. They are really close in age! I heard on the news about another lady who had them that close. (Really?!?!)
4. Are they identical twins? (um, since one is a boy and one is a girl I'm going to go with no on that).
5. So did you get pregnant and then get pregnant again while you were pregnant? (haha, reminds me of the infamous Irish Twins post on the bump)
6. Wait, what, they're 4 months apart? So one of them isn't yours? (No they're both mine.) But, well, how does that work?
Couldn't you have one of your own? Uh, yeah...in fact, here she is! (The own thing is my biggest pet peeve)
Why didn't her real parents want her? We definitely wanted her!! Ohhh, you mean her BIRTHparents. They wanted her too...in fact, it took them almost two months to decide whether to parent or not because they wanted her so much!
Jacks, I get the same thing about "Where is she from?"...like I would only adopt transracially if I were adopting internationally. Oy vey.
I know the average person asking this probably asks out of ignorance. However I've been asked this question by someone who adopted from China so they could understand what path we chose. Of course the question was phrased appropriately - Where did you decide to adopt from?
Just wanted to put it out there that this question isn't always meant to be as offensive as it might seem at first.
1. Why would you want to do that?
2. Why can't you have your own kids?
3. What happens if you have to send it back?
4. What if it murders you in your sleep?
We are doing FA, so you can kinda guess what sterotypes those questions are coming from. The last two were from my GMIL.
1) Why would you want to adopt someone else's child, can't u have your own?
2) You do realize that everyone will know that the child isn't 'yours' because you aren't pregnant
3) Maybe the Lord didn't create you to be a mother? ( I hate this because it makes me feel like crap)
4) Why don't u just take a family member to live with you, at least they are family
People can be so unintentionally cruel sometimes
Fostering - We are constantly asked: "Do you get to keep him?" We try to explain, but people don't get it and just keep asking the same question.
Not really a question, but I cringe every time someone says, "I couldn't do it. I'd get too attached." Duh....of course, we're attached. It's not about us and our sadness of having to say good-bye to the child, its about the child being loved and safe.
When I told my dad I was pg after fertility treatments, he said, "Is your DH the donor?" haha....yes Dad, my husband was the sperm donor.
1. "Did you know that the parents can take the baby back anytime before they turn 18? That's what my coworker said and that's why she adopted from another country."
2. "Aren't you going to feel like you are missing out on being pg?" (twice from my MIL, knowing that we were dealing with IF)
I don't think I've had a third question, but we did get told not to talk about it at a family event because "people might be dealing with IF, and they don't need to hear you talking about how much it costs, they aren't thinking about the costs." Um, pretty sure they are well aware of the cost.
I have gotten the now-you'll-get-pg comment A LOT. I try to explain that the odds are not in favor of that happening. I also had to explain that I hope it doesn't happen right now because our current adoption would not happen. Our agency won't let the adoption continue if you are pg.
I get a lot of basic questions, too, but I don't really mind answering those.
OMG! I was so shocked I started to laugh but it really did hurt b.c she obviously wasn't happy for us.
I just received a new favorite in an IM exchange...
"So are you excited?"
Are you flippin' kidding me?!?!?! Sorry. That just seemed like a dumb question to me.
This poll is great. I just had to add some. My DH cannot have biological children so we used donor sperm and are now expecting. Here are some that we have gotten.
Before we got pregnant with the IUI:
1) Just relax!
2) Are you sure your husband can't have kids because they said the same thing to my husband and look we have two kids?
After we got pregnant:
3) "See he can have kids you got pregnant!" My response phrased a little nicer than this "No he has zero chance to have children. We are now expecting through an iui using donor sperm." They look at me like sure you used a donor.
People and their comments. I guess they never learned "if you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing at all."