General public = lack of adoption knowledge

lilmufish

So, I have someone in my life that I am pretty close to (I'm with this person at least 3-4 times a week) and he asked some very basic, BASIC questions today. Don't get me wrong, I loved sharing information about foster care and adopting, and our progress...but I was caught off guard at how basic the information I was sharing with him, and he was even more shocked to hear it.  I know this is discussed alot on this board...but what is the best way to advocate / explain? 

lilmufish

Although "some" folks know that we are doing foster care / adoption...not everyone does... how do you guys start telling people?  How do you handle the questions? 

I feel like making a FAQ video on you tube or something, emailing that out and calling it even. (LOL...) J/k...kinda.

CaptainSerious

"I don't know if you heard, but we are doing foster care/adopting."

Then be prepared for a deluge of questions.  I actually prefer when people ask me all about it rather than assume they know how it works.  It's the people that have false understandings of the foster/adoption world that make me crazy, because they come into the conversation with all sorts of crazy assumptions and conceptions.  Yes, the conversation gets old and tired, but at least you know it will be one more person who has a more clear understanding of the adoption/foster world.

thebratbride

This disturbs me too.  You would think in this day and age more people would know at least basic true facts on adoption/ foster care.

We did not tell many people in the beginning, just close family- I was trying to hold off all the very personal questions I knew would be asked over and over again.  But since we got THE call much sooner than we expected we just sent out a mass e-mail to everyone explaining the situation and that we would be parents in 3 days!

I try not to let the questions/ comments bother me.  We went to a cook out a few weeks ago and a women came up to us and was asking about DD and when we said she was adopted she leaned over to me a said "so you just couldn't have your own, huh ? I am so sorry."  WHAT! - I was shocked.  I am a private person and would never dream of asking anyone anything that personal, let alone someone I had just met.    I just stared at her not knowing what to say and afraid whatever I said would not be nice but DH came to the rescue and said "We just knew she was meant to be our daughter."

I am still getting used to the looks we get where ever we go.  The questions are not so easy to get used to.

jacksjerseygirl

I think the best thing that can be done is just answer the questions in the most basic form.

I think until more adoptive parents are more open with those around them about their own adoption journies then the general public will continue to be uneducated about the basic facts. I mean, if the general public only gets its information from the media (print, tv, movies) then it is no wonder they don't know much about adoption in general nor about all the stereotypes that they have.

The best way for the GP to learn about adoption is from those who experience it. Unfortunately, too many adoptive parents choose to keep their adoption journey private and don't openly talk about it with friends/family. I understand privacy but we can't have it both ways.

lilmufish

jacksjerseygirl:

I think the best thing that can be done is just answer the questions in the most basic form.

I think until more adoptive parents are more open with those around them about their own adoption journies then the general public will continue to be uneducated about the basic facts. I mean, if the general public only gets its information from the media (print, tv, movies) then it is no wonder they don't know much about adoption in general nor about all the stereotypes that they have.

The best way for the GP to learn about adoption is from those who experience it. Unfortunately, too many adoptive parents choose to keep their adoption journey private and don't openly talk about it with friends/family. I understand privacy but we can't have it both ways.

 

I 100% agree... I guess, it's disheartening, to have someone so close to me who litterly has no idea - and is totally obvious to anything we have been going through over the past 6 months, even though, we are VERY open with our core friends. 

It's one thing, to explain to someone for the first time when you tell them...but for someone who's supposed to be in your support network to be clueless...is shocking. I answered every question he asked...but it was just, well, like i said disheartening and shocking.

jacksjerseygirl

lilmufish:

I 100% agree... I guess, it's disheartening, to have someone so close to me who litterly has no idea - and is totally obvious to anything we have been going through over the past 6 months, even though, we are VERY open with our core friends. 

It's one thing, to explain to someone for the first time when you tell them...but for someone who's supposed to be in your support network to be clueless...is shocking. I answered every question he asked...but it was just, well, like i said disheartening and shocking.

Yeah, someone in your core support network asking basic questions would be disheartening. When we first made the announcement to our friends/family via email we sent an 'FAQ' of sorts about our DA plans - answering basic to not so basic question (any that we could think of that might run through ppl's minds including some that I had seen others on here come across) ... that honestly, really seemed to help. It made dinner conversations with friends/family a step above - because they understood the jist of it. Of course, there is one in every crowd (SIL who likes to challenge every idea that doesn't jive with how her sister's adoption went 30 years ago).

Some how now I've become our friends/family network's adoption expert. I can't tell you how many people say "my friend's are thinking of adoption - would you mind if I gave them your email' LOL - um okay. Many of them I point to this board lol

I think we change the general public's understanding and perception of adoption one person at a time that we come across. Some times it would be easier to be snarky or ignore or not fully explain things to ppl - why should it be my job to educate every person around me - but then sometimes I have to remind myself ... if I take the time and they are receptive (key part of it) then maybe they will pass that knowledge along. Who knows. Obviously with some strangers and people it just isn't worth the effort.