anger growing towards DH, help!!!

jinnymb

I was curious if anyone else has had these feelings.  I feel myself getting angrier and angrier with DH.  We are desperately trying to make it work so I can work pt or stay at home when our baby arrives.

Right now it really depends on DH getting a new job and he is trying really hard.  He is a wonderful husband but I feel the stress of the situation building on me and I am feeling a little resentful. 

I've done what I can with my job to work from home or go part time and have been denied both, so I'm going to start looking in Nov to start a new job after maternity leave.

 I guess I just feel like all the pressure is on me to solve this problem or make things good for us and have the baby and be an awesome mom.  I feel like the least he could do is handle this financial part, which he is trying and just not getting anywhere.

I don't understand as I've never had problems with interviews or getting jobs etc... 

It's not the end of the world I know, but with my hormones raging it makes me so angry and it's distracting when all I want to do is focus on getting ready for LO. 

Not to mention I'm noticing the intimacy between is completely fading as the tension grows.  Again which I feel like is my problem to solve. 

I've tried talking to him about it, but I know he feels the pressure and I dont' want to keep bringing it up or saying things to him that aren't nice.  Uggh thanks for letting me get this out!!

valerieanderic

If your dh is applying and interviewing, there's not much more he can do! It's a super tough job market out there. You may not have had a problem with interviews and getting jobs before, but there are many people who can't buy a job right now.

I don't want to sound harsh, but I don't think you're helping the poor guy by getting angry at him!

garcia15

valerieanderic:

If your dh is applying and interviewing, there's not much more he can do! It's a super tough job market out there. You may not have had a problem with interviews and getting jobs before, but there are many people who can't buy a job right now.

I don't want to sound harsh, but I don't think you're helping the poor guy by getting angry at him!

I agree with this. ?My DH and I had a similar situation except DH had no job at all. (I'm assuming your DH has a job already). ?I was feeling the same way as you until we talked about it and I realized how stressed he was feeling. ?He actually felt so bad about not being able to find a job and letting me down that his anxiety was going up and he was feeling a little depressed. ?I would say as long as he's trying, ?cut him some slack even though I know it's hard sometimes. ?It's a tough job market right now.

PeetiePie

If your DH is anything like mine he is likely getting more upset each time you bring it up.  Try to give him some space.  Remember that it's a tough time for anyone looking to get a different job. 

jinnymb

yeah I def understand the job market is really bad and that's the main reason I don't bring it up because I dont' want to put more pressure on him.  I just feel like I put even more on myself.  I'm such an hormonal mess right now I don't know what do sometimes.

honeybeee

It is a really tough market out there.  There are few jobs, with lots of applicants, employers can be very selective, and they aren't paying what they used to be.  I would go easier on your DH.  Have you thought about couples counseling?  Having a baby is a huge change, and it might be worth it to help you guys work through this and go into things with a healthy happy marriage.

jinnymb

I appreciate your advice, we haven't thought about any counseling because these feelings have really been growing over the past 2 weeks.  I think i just need to get things in perspective and yeah I think I'm freaking out a little that the baby is really coming!!

 I'm going to have a long talk with DH today and get this worked out.

Rossi17

This is unfortunately the problem everywhere in this country. Right now I am living near Janesville, WI (GM plant closed here around 6 months ago). This has affected pretty much every other place of business in the area (like a domino effect). My husband's boss just told him that he didn't think the company he works for will be there after Christmas, and he is a computer technician! (I thought these jobs were pretty secure... guess not!) So, we have also been scrambling, thinking about what we are going to do. I have a teacher salary, and my husband is going back to school for his teaching certification (most people around here that have lost their job are going back to school to learn a trade or get a certification). It's a mess here!

Anyways, your family is going through a lot of changes. It is not easy to have so many new beginnings going on in your life all at the same time. New baby, new job, new situations... it is a lot of stress. The key is not to blame each other for it, and not to think that the other is not trying hard enough. Yo many divorces take place because of financial troubles... You can express the anger to your husband, and complain about the state of finances in this country, knowing full aware that most of what is happening to your family is happening to many other people out there. Just make it very clear that you are not blaming him, and thank him for trying so hard. Also, keep an open mind. Sometimes you don't get what you want, but what you really need. Good luck....  

valerieanderic

Also, if the reason you want dh to get a new job is more money......Could you look at other ways to have extra cash, so you can stay home? I started an in home daycare in May. It's slowly getting going, but definately not as fast as we would like. We took a serious look at our finances and are going to be saving about $800/mo with our new budget/cuts!

yellowcar

That is a lot of pressure to put on a DH.  Right now, as everyone says, the job market stinks.  Not exactly the greatest time to go looking for a job that earns enough money to support a SAHM and a new baby.  Plus, he needs one that has benefits that start on Day 1, with no probation period, since you won't be carrying your own benefits when you quit your job.  And that job has to pay enough to save enough money for your baby's college fund and both of your retirements, since it is the only income that will be coming in.  Plus-who wants to start a new job?  Starting a new job is the pits--especially if the current job is otherwise a good environment.  Guys are a strange animal--they have a need to provide for their family, and right now he probably feels like what he is currently doing isn't good enough.  But he would never tell you that.

Perhaps it would help the situation if you sat down with his current salary and figured out how you could make it work on that. I did that this time last year when I was afraid I would not have a job to return to after the baby came, and it helped both of us tremendously.