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blendedfammama
member
What to do NBR
blendedfammama
member
We own a house in a small city, still suburban-like, that has 3 bedrooms 2 baths and is 1478sq ft., detached garage, 1/3 acre, close to everything, the highway, grocery store, pharmacy, etc. I found a house in a rural town (next door to the city we live in) where our parents live, and DH doesn't want to move. The house I found is 1150sq ft (he doesn't want to downsize) the bedrooms are smaller but the downstairs is much more open since the rooms aren't boxy like a normal cape. It has a fireplace (which we do not), hardwood floors (in better condition than ours), tile kitchen (we have linoleum) and the bathroom has a new insert (we only have one working tub/shower). It also has a 2 car garage and beautiful landscaping, two things our current house doesn't have. AND IT'D BE CHEAPER! So, here's my thing, DH doesn't want to move b/c it's smaller, not perfect, etc. I think he's just scared. He lived in the same house his whole life...I moved around a lot. I want this house b/c not only is it cheaper, it's updated, has a better furnace, new electric, plumbing, etc. but also because it's in a better school district. In the long term it's in the small town near our parents, where we want to be, and a better school for Nathan. How hard do I push him though? He wasn't working for over a year and I carried the weight and got us by...should I just be like, well you've left all the financial decisions to me in the last 4 years...why not trust me??? Idk what to do but I can't just forget about this house and idk why.
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Re: What to do NBR
Here is the problem, the district we're in in the city is the best schools in the city. That's why I bought that house 4 years ago...knowing we wanted to have children. However, I didn't think we'd be there forever or having children this early. I like the small town schools better because he won't get lost. The city we live in there's 6 elementary schools 3 middle schools and 3 high schools...where a child can get lost and forgotten about very easily. Not to even mention the fact that their special education program sucks. Not that I know if I'll need it yet, but just in case. The smaller town schools are better, I'm already known in their PTA from all of the activities with my 13 year old brother, and they have one of the top rated special education programs in the state. IDK
This is definitely a decision you both need to make together but if you feel that strongly about it then you should try your best to imprint upon him just how much you want this and how important it is to you. Get him to go see the house with you when he is in a good mood and have ideas and let him see your enthusiasm. If he continues to resist, I wouldn't 'pull rank' on him. That will only serve to create animosity.
Good luck!
IDK I have a feeling we're not moving for a while. UGH I showed him the house, the fact that there's a fenced in back yard for the dog, a two car garage with an attached shed for his bikes and mower...and still nothing. I don't think he sees the fact that it's going to take a serious amount of money and time to do to our house what they've already done to theirs. Where if we move we can add square footage by pooping a dormer up in the back...all of this has been explained to him...but still nothing. I guess I just have to talk to him once more and then if still nothing I'll give up. I'm so unhappy with our bills though right now, and being in an old house doesn't help.
Thank you ladies for all your support and advice!
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I wouldn't want to downsize to 1100 square feet. That is REALLY tiny. If you ever have more kids you will feel the cramped surroundings even more. We live in a 1200 square foot condo that we are trying to sell. It is in the city and also close to everything. We live on the beach and the lake. There are parks with playgrounds all around us for the kids and since this is an area in transition, there are a TON of families just like ours with kids the same age. However, aside from the size, there are issues that will only get worse as the kids get older. The schools near us aren't good so we'd have to do private schools. There is always some shady character around. Even if it's 2 weirdos out of 100 people strolling around, the kids are going to start noticing them. Plus, then there's the homeless people who hang out around the park and sometimes sleep there.
DH didn't want to move either, but my hours at my job have been drastically cut recently and we can no longer afford this place. That's the only reason he finally agreed to move. I am so happy but I feel bad that he is so unhappy about the move. He even started crying when he told DD about moving the other day and I have NEVER seen DH cry in my life.
Anyway, it sounds like you need to wait and find a better and bigger house before your DH may be willing to relocate. But perhaps he also just really loves living in the city? Seems like you may live in an area where you actually could raise your kids, though, so maybe you should consider it if your place is really nice and both of you like the area? More and more families are living in the city now adays rather than the suburbs. The suburbs are pretty boring, anyway!