Depressed...

S/Cambio · July 2009

We moved from FL to England in April because DH is military. I was doing fine until about 2-3 weeks ago and I cry almost every day and I just can't seem to adjust to life over here. 2.5 yrs left and I don't know how I will do it Crying

My family lived about 30 minutes away from us in FL and my Mom and me are really close so it's hard being away. I also miss the FL weather/shopping/stores/restaurants. It's driving me nuts. I can't wait to go home next July!

I hope this isn't hurting baby? Any advice?

ablou · July 2009

I'm a silver-lining kind of gal (and been diagnosed with clinical depression), so what I would do is start enjoying this adventure! England! How exciting! The people are so wonderful, the history so rich, so much beautiful art to look at. My mom and I were in London in April (when I was unknowingly preg), and we keep lamenting that we didn't know, because there are such adorable baby clothes in England!! The produce there is so beautiful, you can get so many things in the UK that never come into season here, and it's hard to beat a good English breakfast!

I say take advantage of being in England... Florida will be there when you come home!

mommys.gummy.bear · July 2009

i know exactly what you're going thru. my Mom is my best friend and now i live 2500 miles away from her. i cry about it all. the. time. i spend a lot of my time feeling guilty.. as if i'm depriving my mother of a grandchild and vice versa, depriving my child of this wonderful grandmother. my mother provides and gives so much to my nephews and it upsets me that my child will not get to experience her greatness.

ugh, now i'm crying.. :-/

lovebug630 · July 2009

Oh, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard that would be. Maybe you could look into talking to a counselor? Someone who is objective can be very helpful during hard times like these. Also, try to get involved in some activities in your area so that you can meet new people. I wish you the best of luck!

Bella263 · July 2009

First of all ((hugs)). That is a really big move! When my DH was in the Marines, we moved from Colorado, right next to my parents and siblings, to San Diego. Not as far as you, but with money costs to get home I saw them once a year for 3 years. It was awful.

I think you should take some time to grieve and miss everyone. And not beat yourself up over feeling sad - that's completely normal. But also remember you are in an amazing place to explore and learn a different culture. DH and you should make plans to get out, see sights and try food! Look into a great cell phone plan that you can call home often, or calling cards.

I know when we moved, I thought I would be unhappy forever. But my thoughts after many moves now are - you can eventually get used to anything. You may not be 100% happy over there, but you can get used to it and start to enjoy little bits and pieces of a new life. And since you are there and have to stay, I would take full advantage of it. Maybe your mom can come visit? Tickets are great right now. Do lots of planning - for this afternoon to have something to do and for months in the future to have something to look forward to.

I'll keep you in my thoughts! This is a great place to come on when you're lonely!

ablou · July 2009

oooh! And I thought of something else! Skype or iChat with your family online! It's free and you get to SEE the people you're talking to!

S/Cambio · July 2009

ablou:
I'm a silver-lining kind of gal (and been diagnosed with clinical depression), so what I would do is start enjoying this adventure! England! How exciting! The people are so wonderful, the history so rich, so much beautiful art to look at. My mom and I were in London in April (when I was unknowingly preg), and we keep lamenting that we didn't know, because there are such adorable baby clothes in England!! The produce there is so beautiful, you can get so many things in the UK that never come into season here, and it's hard to beat a good English breakfast!
I say take advantage of being in England... Florida will be there when you come home!

I agree with the cute baby clothes and being able to travel and see things. That is a great opportunity. The clothing style is hard for me to get used to, unless I have been going to the wrong places... and the food is pretty bad to me. I live an hour outside of London and it is a beautiful country but living and visiting are two different things. Hopefully I will adjust to things. Thanks!

Thanks.

Baby428 · July 2009

I recentely moved to a new state across the country from where I used to live. I was pretty lonely and depressed as well...BUT I did some research and found a prenatal yoga class where I met other pregnant women. You can also join other types of clubs too

S/Cambio · July 2009

mommys.gummy.bear:

i know exactly what you're going thru. my Mom is my best friend and now i live 2500 miles away from her. i cry about it all. the. time. i spend a lot of my time feeling guilty.. as if i'm depriving my mother of a grandchild and vice versa, depriving my child of this wonderful grandmother. my mother provides and gives so much to my nephews and it upsets me that my child will not get to experience her greatness.

ugh, now i'm crying.. :-/

That's an other thing I feel sad about, my Mom not being able to see her first grandchild much. Most likely only twice until we move back to the states. She is busy with my little brother and sister and can't just get up come visit. Didn't mean to make you cry Sad Hope you feel better.

MmeBP · July 2009

I know exactly how you are feeling. ?All of my family and friends are all across the ocean and it is so hard. ?I get very depressed all the time too, I miss my mom and my friends, and I think of all the things that I am missing out on being pregnant in a foreign country. ?I didn't get a chance to do something cute to tell my parents we were expecting or to tell them the sex of the baby, just a phone call. ?

I have spent a lot of time crying too, and be thankful you can at least communicate in English! ?I can tell you that it has gotten easier...I have to rely on DH a lot more and I talk/see my parents on Skype almost everyday. ?It is not the best situation, but it makes it easier. ?

I would talk to your DH about how you are feeling, and go out and try to join some prenatal classes (yoga, water gymnastics, lamase, etc.) ?I have met so many other expat women who are going through the same thing and it has made us become a support group for each other and a small family when all of ours is so far away.

If you ever need to talk about living abroad and how hard it can be...let me know.?

ablou · July 2009

S/Cambio:
ablou:
I'm a silver-lining kind of gal (and been diagnosed with clinical depression), so what I would do is start enjoying this adventure! England! How exciting! The people are so wonderful, the history so rich, so much beautiful art to look at. My mom and I were in London in April (when I was unknowingly preg), and we keep lamenting that we didn't know, because there are such adorable baby clothes in England!! The produce there is so beautiful, you can get so many things in the UK that never come into season here, and it's hard to beat a good English breakfast!
I say take advantage of being in England... Florida will be there when you come home!

I agree with the cute baby clothes and being able to travel and see things. That is a great opportunity. The clothing style is hard for me to get used to, unless I have been going to the wrong places... and the food is pretty bad to me. I live an hour outside of London and it is a beautiful country but living and visiting are two different things. Hopefully I will adjust to things. Thanks!
Thanks.

Try Marks & Spencers. They have really cute stuff for not too much $$ (I don't know how to make the pounds sterling sign on my 'puter). They have the most GORGEOUS lingerie that I've ever seen for prices comparable to Target (seriously!). I bought 3 sets while we were there, and they're all too small for my mommy ta-tas now! Crying

As far as the food is concerned, just like here, check out the farmer's markets for gorgeous fruit & veg. I loved the pub food there (I've been to the UK a few times). And it's strawberry season right now!!! Get some and freeze to enjoy this winter! If you like cooking, my mom just got Jamie Oliver's new cookbook, Jamie at Home. It's organized by season, so you know what is in season when in England, and can cook accordingly. I would love to have it, but the seasons in England and those in Texas are a bit different!!

What are you near? Stratford? Bath? Salisbury? Some amazingly wonderful things around there... are you working right now? if not, I suggest getting some sort of train pass and exploring your area while DH is at work! Get out there and be a tourist in your home! That's what DH and I are doing this summer, and we're having a blast!

S/Cambio · July 2009

Bella263:
First of all ((hugs)). That is a really big move! When my DH was in the Marines, we moved from Colorado, right next to my parents and siblings, to San Diego. Not as far as you, but with money costs to get home I saw them once a year for 3 years. It was awful.

I think you should take some time to grieve and miss everyone. And not beat yourself up over feeling sad - that's completely normal. But also remember you are in an amazing place to explore and learn a different culture. DH and you should make plans to get out, see sights and try food! Look into a great cell phone plan that you can call home often, or calling cards.

I know when we moved, I thought I would be unhappy forever. But my thoughts after many moves now are - you can eventually get used to anything. You may not be 100% happy over there, but you can get used to it and start to enjoy little bits and pieces of a new life. And since you are there and have to stay, I would take full advantage of it. Maybe your mom can come visit? Tickets are great right now. Do lots of planning - for this afternoon to have something to do and for months in the future to have something to look forward to.

I'll keep you in my thoughts! This is a great place to come on when you're lonely!

That was really sweet to say! We are planning a trip to Germany next month(half my family is German) so hopefully that will get my mind of things hopefully. It really is hard and we do try to get out and see things. I haven't been able to find a job and no friends either, DH feels bad so he stays home with me even though I want him to go and hang out with his friends from work but he won't. Makes me feel guilty. I'm not sure if my Mom will ever come out here. My step Dad's job makes him travel a lot and she still has my little brother(8) and sister(12) to take care of. It makes things harder. Vonage has been really good, lol. It's cheap! Webcam helps too. It's going to be really hard being away for the holidays but I guess I just have to make the best of things. Thanks for the advice, I really needed to let this of my shoulders.

ablou · July 2009

MmeBP:
I know exactly how you are feeling. All of my family and friends are all across the ocean and it is so hard. I get very depressed all the time too, I miss my mom and my friends, and I think of all the things that I am missing out on being pregnant in a foreign country. I didn't get a chance to do something cute to tell my parents we were expecting or to tell them the sex of the baby, just a phone call.
I have spent a lot of time crying too, and be thankful you can at least communicate in English! I can tell you that it has gotten easier...I have to rely on DH a lot more and I talk/see my parents on Skype almost everyday. It is not the best situation, but it makes it easier.
I would talk to your DH about how you are feeling, and go out and try to join some prenatal classes (yoga, water gymnastics, lamase, etc.) I have met so many other expat women who are going through the same thing and it has made us become a support group for each other and a small family when all of ours is so far away.
If you ever need to talk about living abroad and how hard it can be...let me know.

OMG!! FRANCE!!! I'm trying to contain my jealousy!

S/Cambio · July 2009

Missy42807:
I recentely moved to a new state across the country from where I used to live. I was pretty lonely and depressed as well...BUT I did some research and found a prenatal yoga class where I met other pregnant women. You can also join other types of clubs too

I was thinking about looking into prenatal yoga but I have no energy to do anything anymore. I don't know if it's the pregnancy or homesick but it's like the couch is my new home. I'll need to just get up and do it lol. DH tries to always suggest stuff to do and get me up.

MmeBP · July 2009

Have you considered flying your mom out for a few months or is that not an option?

S/Cambio · July 2009

MmeBP:
I know exactly how you are feeling. All of my family and friends are all across the ocean and it is so hard. I get very depressed all the time too, I miss my mom and my friends, and I think of all the things that I am missing out on being pregnant in a foreign country. I didn't get a chance to do something cute to tell my parents we were expecting or to tell them the sex of the baby, just a phone call.
I have spent a lot of time crying too, and be thankful you can at least communicate in English! I can tell you that it has gotten easier...I have to rely on DH a lot more and I talk/see my parents on Skype almost everyday. It is not the best situation, but it makes it easier.
I would talk to your DH about how you are feeling, and go out and try to join some prenatal classes (yoga, water gymnastics, lamase, etc.) I have met so many other expat women who are going through the same thing and it has made us become a support group for each other and a small family when all of ours is so far away.
If you ever need to talk about living abroad and how hard it can be...let me know.

You're in France? That must be even more different then England. I am happy they speak the same language over here. I have vonage and call my Mom almost every day and always write e-mails with my sister. I just feel like I'm missing out on things in their life and the other way around. Our baby is the first grandchild on both sides of the family and I feel bad that they won't see the baby much. Of course we will visit but not more then twice while we are here, then it's back to the states. 3 yrs just seems so long!!!

How long are you in France for?

S/Cambio · July 2009

ablou:
S/Cambio:
ablou:
I'm a silver-lining kind of gal (and been diagnosed with clinical depression), so what I would do is start enjoying this adventure! England! How exciting! The people are so wonderful, the history so rich, so much beautiful art to look at. My mom and I were in London in April (when I was unknowingly preg), and we keep lamenting that we didn't know, because there are such adorable baby clothes in England!! The produce there is so beautiful, you can get so many things in the UK that never come into season here, and it's hard to beat a good English breakfast!
I say take advantage of being in England... Florida will be there when you come home!

I agree with the cute baby clothes and being able to travel and see things. That is a great opportunity. The clothing style is hard for me to get used to, unless I have been going to the wrong places... and the food is pretty bad to me. I live an hour outside of London and it is a beautiful country but living and visiting are two different things. Hopefully I will adjust to things. Thanks!
Thanks.
Try Marks & Spencers. They have really cute stuff for not too much $$ (I don't know how to make the pounds sterling sign on my 'puter). They have the most GORGEOUS lingerie that I've ever seen for prices comparable to Target (seriously!). I bought 3 sets while we were there, and they're all too small for my mommy ta-tas now!
As far as the food is concerned, just like here, check out the farmer's markets for gorgeous fruit & veg. I loved the pub food there (I've been to the UK a few times). And it's strawberry season right now!!! Get some and freeze to enjoy this winter! If you like cooking, my mom just got Jamie Oliver's new cookbook, Jamie at Home. It's organized by season, so you know what is in season when in England, and can cook accordingly. I would love to have it, but the seasons in England and those in Texas are a bit different!!
What are you near? Stratford? Bath? Salisbury? Some amazingly wonderful things around there... are you working right now? if not, I suggest getting some sort of train pass and exploring your area while DH is at work! Get out there and be a tourist in your home! That's what DH and I are doing this summer, and we're having a blast!

I think I know which store you are talking about, there is one not too far from us. I already bought some neutral baby stuff there but not sure if I looked at their clothes, I might have given up by the time I got there.

I do love the strawberry season and the farmers markets are nice to go to too. I will take your advice and try out the food at the pubs. and also look into this cookbook, DH will love that.

We are right by Cambridge, really pretty city. We have been there a few times to sight see and explore. Bath is about 2.5 hrs, we went somewhere near there to see the stonehenge.. back when I wasn't homesick and now it decides to hit me out of nowhere.

S/Cambio · July 2009

MmeBP:
Have you considered flying your mom out for a few months or is that not an option?

Not really an option. Little brother and sister are too young to be alone and my step Dad travels a lot. Hopefully she can somehow make it out here around my due date.

MmeBP · July 2009

S/Cambio:
MmeBP:
I know exactly how you are feeling. ?All of my family and friends are all across the ocean and it is so hard. ?I get very depressed all the time too, I miss my mom and my friends, and I think of all the things that I am missing out on being pregnant in a foreign country. ?I didn't get a chance to do something cute to tell my parents we were expecting or to tell them the sex of the baby, just a phone call. ?
I have spent a lot of time crying too, and be thankful you can at least communicate in English! ?I can tell you that it has gotten easier...I have to rely on DH a lot more and I talk/see my parents on Skype almost everyday. ?It is not the best situation, but it makes it easier. ?
I would talk to your DH about how you are feeling, and go out and try to join some prenatal classes (yoga, water gymnastics, lamase, etc.) ?I have met so many other expat women who are going through the same thing and it has made us become a support group for each other and a small family when all of ours is so far away.
If you ever need to talk about living abroad and how hard it can be...let me know.?
?You're in France? That must be even more different then England. I am happy they speak the same language over here. I have vonage and call my Mom almost every day and always write e-mails with my sister. I just feel like I'm missing out on things in their life and the other way around. Our baby is the first grandchild on both sides of the family and I feel bad that they won't see the baby much. Of course we will visit but not more then twice while we are here, then it's back to the states. 3 yrs just seems so long!!!?
How long are you in France for??

Ours is also the first on both sides so I know how hard it is. ?We have two trips a year...one to my family and one to DH's family, but we are flying both mom's and my SIL out for the birth of the baby so they don't feel like they are missing out. ?In August I am flying home for three weeks, and my mom is throwing me a shower because even though I can't bring many gifts back...it is something she's always wanted to do. ?

I call and see (video phone) my parents everyday and I have my blog and my facebook page where I upload pictures and try to keep everyone informed about what is going on. ?We are here for at least another 3 to 5 years...so it will be a long time before the baby gets to be around his grandparents all the time. ?I am just thankful that our parents are in good health and are still young enough that they will enjoy their grandchildren even if it is 3 years from now.?

easjer05 · July 2009

I know that when I am depressed doing anything is much much harder, physically and mentally. The couch and bed are just plain easier.

But getting up and out and doing something like walking or prenatal yoga will be good for you in a multitude of ways - to help restore some energy, for a change of scenary, to introduce you to new people and help you get acclimated to your new home/area.

It will be really hard to do at first, believe me, I know (struggled with depression for years), but do try. Not too much at first - set small goals like going for a 10-15 minute walk every day. Visiting a new place near you for food or coffee/tea/hot chocolate or books or videos or clothes once a week. Do a prenatal yoga or fitness class. Makes plans to go out with your husband and his friends/coworkers once in the next two weeks.

That first bit is so hard, because you just don't want to move or put in the effort, it seems so overwhelming. But positive little steps will help, especially if you can exercise - it will be good for your mind, energy, depression and pregnancy.

S/Cambio · July 2009

MmeBP:
S/Cambio:
MmeBP:
I know exactly how you are feeling. All of my family and friends are all across the ocean and it is so hard. I get very depressed all the time too, I miss my mom and my friends, and I think of all the things that I am missing out on being pregnant in a foreign country. I didn't get a chance to do something cute to tell my parents we were expecting or to tell them the sex of the baby, just a phone call.
I have spent a lot of time crying too, and be thankful you can at least communicate in English! I can tell you that it has gotten easier...I have to rely on DH a lot more and I talk/see my parents on Skype almost everyday. It is not the best situation, but it makes it easier.
I would talk to your DH about how you are feeling, and go out and try to join some prenatal classes (yoga, water gymnastics, lamase, etc.) I have met so many other expat women who are going through the same thing and it has made us become a support group for each other and a small family when all of ours is so far away.
If you ever need to talk about living abroad and how hard it can be...let me know.
You're in France? That must be even more different then England. I am happy they speak the same language over here. I have vonage and call my Mom almost every day and always write e-mails with my sister. I just feel like I'm missing out on things in their life and the other way around. Our baby is the first grandchild on both sides of the family and I feel bad that they won't see the baby much. Of course we will visit but not more then twice while we are here, then it's back to the states. 3 yrs just seems so long!!!
How long are you in France for?
Ours is also the first on both sides so I know how hard it is. We have two trips a year...one to my family and one to DH's family, but we are flying both mom's and my SIL out for the birth of the baby so they don't feel like they are missing out. In August I am flying home for three weeks, and my mom is throwing me a shower because even though I can't bring many gifts back...it is something she's always wanted to do.
I call and see (video phone) my parents everyday and I have my blog and my facebook page where I upload pictures and try to keep everyone informed about what is going on. We are here for at least another 3 to 5 years...so it will be a long time before the baby gets to be around his grandparents all the time. I am just thankful that our parents are in good health and are still young enough that they will enjoy their grandchildren even if it is 3 years from now.

We are saving up right now for a trip to both families next July. My hubby wanted me to go see them this year but since we have a baby on the way and I feel it's best for me to stay here and not go visit right away we are just putting that money aside.

I'm thankful too that both our parents are in good health too and young grandparents. I have a blog too that I started not to long ago. I get bored, still haven't found a job, and it's something to do. I added you to who I am following if you don't mind.

S/Cambio · July 2009

easjer05:
I know that when I am depressed doing anything is much much harder, physically and mentally. The couch and bed are just plain easier.
But getting up and out and doing something like walking or prenatal yoga will be good for you in a multitude of ways - to help restore some energy, for a change of scenary, to introduce you to new people and help you get acclimated to your new home/area.
It will be really hard to do at first, believe me, I know (struggled with depression for years), but do try. Not too much at first - set small goals like going for a 10-15 minute walk every day. Visiting a new place near you for food or coffee/tea/hot chocolate or books or videos or clothes once a week. Do a prenatal yoga or fitness class. Makes plans to go out with your husband and his friends/coworkers once in the next two weeks.
That first bit is so hard, because you just don't want to move or put in the effort, it seems so overwhelming. But positive little steps will help, especially if you can exercise - it will be good for your mind, energy, depression and pregnancy.

Thanks for you advice! I know it will be good for me to get out and do things but it is hard after just sitting around and not doing anything for a while. I have applied for a few jobs on base and I'm hoping to get a call back from one of them. DH got me the wii fit a month ago and I used it once, like I said no energy or interest to do anything. I'm going to try and get my butt up and do something this week.

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