16 and pregnant (not the show)

FinallyMrs.G

So, one of the questions on our homework is "Suppose you are 16 and pregnant and circumstances required that you release your son or daughter for adoption, what feelings would be stirred while implementing this decision and in the years to follow?"

I have already answered it but just curious what the rest of your thoughts were on this. It really got DH and I thinking and talking about things.........neither one of us think, even at 16 we could give up our child.

I like how a lot of the questions get us talking and really put things into perspective.

maurisa74

I am a therapist by profession. A few years ago I was with one of the foster girls I worked with when she released her daughter for adoption. She was 17 at the time and lived in a home for pregnant teens. She did not have a foster family to go home too. One of my coworkers was with her during the delivery and I was the one that took her from the hospital to a respite foster home where her sister lived. She was extremely sad, but new she made the best decision for herself and her daughter. One thing that seemed helpful was a stuffed animal she was given. She had something to hold on too. I also drove her to the court hearing a few days later when she finalized the adoption. I quit working in that position shortly after the adoption finalized. I did see her a few years later at the college I work at. She shared having no regrets and said it was the best decision she could have ever made. 

foundmylazybum

I know that this isn't related to the show, but on the show...the way the couple put themselves second..and had a vision of the bigger picture for their child was amazing to me. ?If I was 16 and pregnant, I would hope that the what would be stirred in me would be inner strength. Because obviously the bond is really, really strong and that temptation to say, "we can make it happen," is right there. But the idea that you love your child enough to say, "yes, we CAN raise our child, but not the way...we want to, or have the means and resources to so we are making this hard choice," that is strength right there.?

When I was 16, I straight up said, "I don't have time or energy to deal with birth control and I have no idea what a baby does...so no sex for me!" So I have a hard time answering that question...But I would think the feelings that would come forth are definitely strength, determination...and in a way..a hardness....detachment..a sense of self preservation where I keep telling myself, "I'm going to do this." ?

FinallyMrs.G

Every adoption story I have read the birthmother has not regretted her decision in placing her baby for adoption. Thank you for your story.

jacksjerseygirl

foundmylazybum:

I know that this isn't related to the show, but on the show...the way the couple put themselves second..and had a vision of the bigger picture for their child was amazing to me.  If I was 16 and pregnant, I would hope that the what would be stirred in me would be inner strength. Because obviously the bond is really, really strong and that temptation to say, "we can make it happen," is right there. But the idea that you love your child enough to say, "yes, we CAN raise our child, but not the way...we want to, or have the means and resources to so we are making this hard choice," that is strength right there. 

When I was 16, I straight up said, "I don't have time or energy to deal with birth control and I have no idea what a baby does...so no sex for me!" So I have a hard time answering that question...But I would think the feelings that would come forth are definitely strength, determination...and in a way..a hardness....detachment..a sense of self preservation where I keep telling myself, "I'm going to do this."  

This.

I think it is hard to answer the question honestly today because many of us have the baggage of, perhaps, not being able to give birth. Which of course makes it a good question for p-aps to think about as long as you try to step out of what you know today about your life and fertility situation. .

At 16 I could have raised a baby, I would have had relunctant family support, but I had dreams and goals for myself (selfish - but often times that is what 16 means) beyond becoming a teen mother. I would have also realized that because of those dreams and goals for myself it would mean that I would not be able to provide something better for the baby than what I had growing up - I think that is the goal of many parents - to be able to provide for (financially, mentally, emotionally, physically, culturally, etc) better than we had growing up - even if we had a great home life.

I'm thankful that there are teens who do have the ability to see beyond themselves and to dream/aspire for something great - not only for themselves but for their child. We say it all the time - biology isn't everything and lack of love is not the reason that b-parents place their child for adoption.

 

 

GLynn2009

I would have kept the baby probably with no support from my family.

I would be very determined. It is selfish I know but I could not wonder forever what could have been.

I had my two kids very young after I was married. I was married 1 year before but it was a bad situtation getting worse. When I was 25 I finally got the guts to leave with a 7 years old and 5 year old and have never regretted the choice. I have do much better without their father. It was tough but I am a fighter. I would have done something similar if I would have been 16 except the getting married part.  

foundmylazybum

GLynn2008:

I would have kept the baby probably with no support from my family.

I would be very determined. It is selfish I know but I could not wonder forever what could have been.

I had my?two kids very young after I was married. I was married 1 year before but it was a bad situtation getting worse. When I was 25 I finally got the guts to leave with a 7 years old and 5 year old and have never regretted the?choice. I have do much better without their?father. It was tough but I am a fighter. I would have done?something similar if I would have been 16 except the getting married part. ?

?But the question is "The circumstances "required that you give up your baby for adoption. What would your emotions be?" Not "How would you handle a pregnancy at 16?"??

If that were the question, well then I'd answer in a completely different way quite frankly. ?

GLynn2009

Sorry they would have to take the baby I would not give it up!!

 I think it is great for people who can.

FinallyMrs.G

fredalina:

But what would i feel?  i would feel terrified, for myself and for the baby.  i would always wonder what i was missing.  i would feel out of control.  i would feel very sad.  i would feel happy because i would know that i was giving the child what s/he really needed most (a 2 parent loving household with mature parents who really want to be parents and are ready to be parents), but i would feel extremely sad much of the time.  i have so much respect for birthparents who choose adoption because i can't imagine how incredibly hard that choice is.

Well said! Thanks

Married3.22.03

FinallyMrs.G:

Every adoption story I have read the birthmother has not regretted her decision in placing her baby for adoption. Thank you for your story.

Hey there,

Thought I'd post this link for a different perspective *on the show* but also on placement in general.

I'm sure there are women out there who don't regret their decision, but I do know there are MANY out there who do, and for some good reasons.

https://discussion.bethany.org/viewtopic.php?f=25&t=68129

foundmylazybum

I read about three pages of the responses of that other thread and then gave up out of frustration.?

The hubs and I were ?on a show (House Hunters on HGTV) and really, really?production plays a HUGE roll in shows like this. It's more than just straight filming and then editing out scenes. They set up scenes, they, shorten conversations, the tell you what to say for the sake of brevity. They tell you how to act in some senses. Basically what people should take from the show is that is the gist?of what happened.

Some of the things that people on the other message board were saying were unethical (Taking the profile books home, the method in which they chose the family etc)--based off our?experience, I would bet that is production just giving the audience an idea of how it might?happen.?

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