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Adoption
My mini vent....angry with the process
We had a call with another adoption center last night. I am so overwhelmed with this entire process. All we want is to be parents, and yes we do have criteria that we would like met, but I don't think it's bad to know what you want, but every center we have spoken to seems to want us to broaden our choices. We know what will work best for us and our families. I know that all I want is to become a mom, but this process kills me at times and makes me so angry and depressed that we cannot have biological children. I am open to adoption, but can't help but feel angry and depressed that we have to go through such a tidious and expensive process. Sorry this is not an adoption question, but I just need to vent about how frustrated I am with all of the work that goes into this.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I just feel like everytime I think we are taking a step forward it turns into two steps back. Four months of reading, talking with agencies and learning info and I don't feel like we've made it very far.
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Re: My mini vent....angry with the process
I've had calls with 3 agencies and seem to think after each call that it felt "right", but then I get contracts, research, google them (which all have positvie and negative reviews). I just don't know how many more I can handle researching and I don't feel like I will ever find one that feels like the "perfect" fit. We have not started the homestudy because all 3 agencies have recommended that we don not until we choose and they will recommend a homestudy to use at that point. I just want to choose one and move on!!!
Side note, I have started (on my own) drafting the birthmother letter and pulling together pictures I think would be good.
It is very true that you have to go with an agency that you feel 100% comfortable with. It is a true GUT feeling. We researched 5 different agencies-and when we met with the one we chose-we just knew. They were a perfect fit.
Are a part of any internet groups on yahoo? There are a few DA groups (I'm assuming thats what you are going through-correct me if I'm wrong) that you can join. Many of them will give you feedback on the agencies they are using-and positive and negative experiences that they have had with them. That might help. You can also list the agencies that you are considering and get feedback on those. I can send you the link if you are interested.
Erin&Mike, We are pursuing DA. I do not belong to any other chat groups. If you could tell me what steps I can take to join the Yahoo group I would appreciate it. I would love to ask questions on the places we have talked to without just googling.
Fredalina, I guess when I say choices I am meaning race and special needs of the child. DH and I are comfortable with our choice, however it seems like the 3 places we have talked to all want to, (maybe push is a bad word, but for lack of a better I will use it) push us to be more open. I love all children and races, but for our particular case I want to work with what will work best for us and our situation.
I'm sorry this is so stressful for you! Now that our part of the work is done, it's easy for me to forget how hard the process was.
As for choosing an agency, we consulted a reputable adoption attorney for assistance. Even though CO is an agency state, we felt that having a relationship with an attorney would also be beneficial. The first meeting with him was a few hundred $$, but we got so much good info and several excellent rec's for agencies that we felt it was money well-spent. If your budget allows, perhaps you could try this, too? Check out this website to find a reputable attorney in your area.
As to the question of "being more open" to situations, I agree that you need to be firm on what will work for your family. But I will say that as we worked with our agency, took our training, and moved through the process, our views did change - significantly - about what we thought we could handle.
This process is so daunting in the early stages. Don't worry, once you find your agency, begin your study, and learn more, things will feel more cemented.
I'm sending you a PM with the link to join the yahoo group. I have a feeling if I post it on here the Nest god's will do away with it.
I am angry with the process also but we are at the end that just won't end. Well probably more like the middle. We have a match and are waiting for DD to come home for a month now. Our is a IA with a country that does not do very many. I feel like if our DD comes home that it will be easier because we will have DD and they can take as long as they want then playing with the red tape. I miss seeing her do things.
Good luck finding what you are looking for. I think we have all been there at some point.