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Preemies
tierelieber
member
My mother has no faith in the next pregnancy....
tierelieber
member
in Preemies
...and it's really bumming me out. I have spent the past couple of months getting myself together physically and emotionally to start TTC next summer. I have convinced myself that I am going to do everything that I can to make it full term. I am in the process of getting healthy- I went vegan to lose weight, I work out every day.... I'm planning on seeing an MFM before we even start. I am so optimistic that I can make it. So here's how the convo went today:
Me: "It's so hard having a preemie. I still cry about it. Leaving the hospital not pregnant and without a baby is so hard."
Mom: "Well, it's going to happen again with the next one."
Me: "Not necessarily. I'm going to try everything I can to have a healthy pregnancy, and I'm thinking very positively about it. If I thought that it wasn't going to work out again, why would I even attempt it?"
Mom: "Well, you have to be prepared. With your condition, it's going to happen again."
Now, I realize that I spend a HUGE portion of my life researching Pre-E and HELLP, ways to help prevent it, countless hours reading info on this board... and my mom doesn't. She has no idea about any of it. But it still stings to know that she has no faith in the next pregnancy. I love my mom to death, but sometimes she can be a tiny bit ignorant, and since it's about this subject- one that I am pretty much obsessed with- it has really hurt my feelings. Sometimes it's really hard to remember that unless you have a preemie yourself, you have no idea what life is like after having one.
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Re: My mother has no faith in the next pregnancy....
I have the opposite problem with my mother. Despite having an MFM tell me I will probably get at least pre-e again and that I am unlikely to go full term, and my mother having had severe pre-e herself--she keeps insisting that I'm going to have a completely normal next pregnancy. I think she is burying her head in the sand and avoiding reality.
I'm sorry your mom is being so unsupportive. I feel your pain.
Do you have the kind of relationship where you can say "I need you to stop being negative. I'm very well versed in the subject as are the doctors I'm involving in this decison. What I need from you is SUPPORT, not negative energy?"
Because that's how I had to get with my dad (I'm mom-less, so my dad pretty much is my mom.) He didn't SAY negative stuff, but he wouldn't buy anything for Robbie when he was in the hospital, wouldn't let anyone else buy anything.. like he was just preparing for Robbie to die. It *INFURIATED* me.
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Oh my goodness Tricia that is terrible! I can't even imagine how hard that was.
My mom and I are really close. I am worried to say anything like that though, because she will think I am being overly sensitive. I think I will wait until next summer, when I consult with the MFM and get the advice from them before I really tell her to start being more positive. I haven't seen one yet, but my OB, my hemotologist, and my GI doc all said that I have a really good chance at going full term. Obviously it's really up to an MFM, since that's what they specialize in. I just have a really good feeling about going full term, like I know I can do it if I try harder. I gained a ton of weight with Charden, I got pregnant without visiting a doctor first to prepare, and I didn't exercise the entire pregnancy. I just also had a feeling that I was going to have a preemie, even when there were no problems presenting at first. With the next one, I just have a better feeling about it. It's just really hard for me to wait until next year, but I know I have a lot of work to do before then. I would love to consult with an MFM right now, but I know that would probably just get me too excited to start this journey again. Well, thanks for understanding ladies. I knew I could count on you.
Sorry girl wish I was closer to give you a hug...I am sorry your mom isn't positive about it...
If your mom and you are really close, maybe you could ask her to come along to the pre-pregnancy meeting with the MFM? That might help her see all the precautions you are taking and she could ask some questions on her own?
In the least, you wouldn't have to repeat everything the MFM said, and if she does bring up her concerns then, the MFM can put them to rest without you having to worry about them until the next appointment.
I feel for you on this. My in-laws are very negative, my SIL told my husband that I should just get "fixed" and my MIL thinks that any problems are due to allergies, not genetic issues. Good luck!