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Working Moms
Feeling like a big failure right now
I saw the post below about not being a good juggler and I'm feeling the same way. I started out WAH when I went back to work, but I negotiated to come into our office 3 times a week during the busy season in exchange for full time WAH for the rest of the year. My office is 60 miles away. That's 120 miles round trip 3 days a week. My MIL watches DS on the days I have to go into the office because she lives right next to my office. DH also works in this town so we all ride in together. This commute is killing me. DS is completely out of whack. He doesn't nap and is up at least every two hours all night every night. I feel terrible that he is always overtired and can't get into a napping schedule because of my crazy schedule. I keep telling myself just to stick it out a little longer and then I can be WAH with DS with a nanny in our house but it is getting tough. I spend my 30 min lunch standing in the bathroom pumping milk. My supply has been steadily decreasing. I get less and less each day. I'm exhausted and my house is a COMPLETE disaster. Dishes all over the place. Floors covered in dog hair. Laundry in baskets in every room. There has been a load in the drier for 3 days. This morning I get in the shower and the tile that had apparently been done just a month before we bought the house started to fall out revealing a really bad mold problem. Our entire bathroom will have to be gutted. I feel like I'm constantly 10 steps behind. I feel like a terrible wife and mother because DS hasn't had a bath in two days nor is he rested and my house looks like a babies r us exploded in there. I can't seem to catch up because I try to sleep when DS sleeps in order to feel somewhat alive the next day.
ok vent over.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling like a big failure right now
1) Breathe! holy cripes if I had that list in my head all the time I'd choke myself!
2) Conquer what you can, forget the rest. Thoughts on this:
a) given how irregular and hectic your schedule is, perhaps its time to wean? This would be one big stressor off yoru back
b) if you can afford a nanny, can you afford to have someone come in once a week and clean until the nanny starts? Can you work a deal w/the nanny where she's responsible for some light housework (dishes, laundry) and you throw her a few extra bucks?
c) Bathroom - girl, that_crap just happens. Call the plumber and call it a day.
Breathe, it will be ok. Oh, and go home and have a huge glass of wine tonight. You need it.
It's okay! We are all feeling like that these days!
I broke down and am having a cleaning lady come today. That said, our fishing poles are still in the front entrance from our vacation in EARLY June. Klassy! Oh, and I figured out the last time I mopped (and no I'm not sharing when that was).
It will get better! Just enjoy the happy times you have with your baby and remember the sleeping thing won't last forever!
I'm with the PP. Sometimes the lists we create in our minds are worse than the actual things that need to get done.
Our floor looks like a dog exploded there is so much hair but, instead of freaking out daily, we decided that we would have to live with one good vacuum job a week. If anyone saw my bathrooms two weeks a month they would die because I only clean them every other week. Honestly, I love a clean house but I also don't want to spend my time cleaning every night and would rather see my DD or spend time with DH. You just have to learn to accept the small things that won't get done or hire a cleaner.
As for the schedule of naps etc. I know it seems crazy right now but schedules will change and it sounds as if this isn't a permamnent commute for you. Try to see that time in the car as a way to sing, read and play with your baby (as long as you're not driving :-)).
Otherwise, breathe and remember, you're doing the best you can and you'll make it through.
I totally feel for you on the bathroom mold issue. We had a leak in our roof that we thought had been fixed but it was not and we ended needing to gut part of our bathroom, the foyer and part of the basement. No fun.
As far as the other stuff, I agree with what others have said. Have you thought about having the nanny start now rather than waiting? It would give your so more stability that he needs. I would also see if that nanny could do some light housework or hire someone. I have a cleaning person come in once a month and its a huge help. We also hire a law service which gives us more time on the weekends (although since money is tight, that might go away next summer but we'll see). Other time saving things that we do is order our groceries online and they get delivered to the house, we don't have to be home as they package them to deak with it. We plan a menu once a week and we plan nights that are easy meals and some that need more prep and we really make things easier in the summer so we can enjoy the weather and do more harder cooking when its cold out.
Just a question, if you and your DH both work in town that 9is 60 miles away, have you thought about moving someplae closer to work?
That is totally me - although it got better as he got older. DS didn't nap well until maybe 6-7 months. It's just the way it is. My sanity is that every day, I make the bed. That's it. That's all I ask of myself. Everything else is extra - and the extra does get done, occasionally. For some reason, seeing the bed made relieves some of that chaos.
Oh - and for my birthday I asked DH for a Roomba. We have three dogs and my poor son was crawling around with dog hair all over his legs. The Roomba is a beautiful thing.