H's IRL dramz- he needs advice

femmegem

DH is in Israel on an excavation right now. He runs a small project that travels from dig to dig. He has two staff members this year: T, a guy he's had work for him for 3 years now, and C, a 22 year old woman from the school he used to teach at.

In June, T went to help DH pack and move from L.A. While he was in CA he met C and apparently developed a serious (and a bit stalkerish) crush on her. He's 32 and engaged, btw. Anyway, of course DH had no idea that he felt this way, but apparently T researched things that C's interested in so he could smooth talk her once they got abroad.

Fast forward to the first night they were in Greece. T wooed C, slept with her. They didn't use protection. He started acting weird, telling her he wanted to move to LA to be with her, etc. She pulled away because a) she was freaked out and b) he gave her herpes. *sigh* Oh, and in the meantime T stopped taking his Paxil and started acting really weird with DH, too. DH thinks he had some sort of mental breakdown, almost a schizophrenic or bipolar episode of some sort.

So now T has gone missing. They're currently in Israel and have no idea where he is. DH thinks he left.

Anyway, DH has no idea what to do for or say to C. He feels horrible and sort-of responsible because she's so young and he's the project leader, even though this all happened after work hours on their personal time. I had no idea what to say. I told him to just ask her if there's anything he can do for her, like take her to the pharmacy or to see a doctor.

Any other thoughts? I'm sick over this.

katie277s

Wow!  I wish I knew what to tell you, but I am at a loss for words.  I hope they find T.

Amanda&Chris

I think what you suggested is the way to go.  I know he feels responsible, but he isn't and I think it could end up being a problem if he got too involved.  Even though it's a small group and not a typical work setting he's still their boss and should probably only be involved to the extent of helping her find medical treatment, giving her a little time off, etc.

That all totally sucks though.  I hope T gets some help ASAP.

Amanda&Chris

Oh and not to be a b!tch and throw stones, but C is not blameless in this scenario.  She did sleep with a co-worker she barely knew her first night on the job.  No one deserves herpes or a stalker, but it's just a reminder for her to be careful.

monchichi

I think your advice was good. ?How does your husband know all of this--did T tell him or did C tell him? ?I think the openness of the relationship between your DH and C dictates the next step. Oh, and this isn't your DH's fault, although I could see why he'd feel guilty! ?22 is young, but she's still an adult responsible for her own actions.

femmegem

Amanda&Chris:

Oh and not to be a b!tch and throw stones, but C is not blameless in this scenario.  She did sleep with a co-worker she barely knew her first night on the job.  No one deserves herpes or a stalker, but it's just a reminder for her to be careful.

Oh, I know. Trust me. It sucks that she had to learn that lesson in such a harsh way, though.

femmegem

monchichi:

How does your husband know all of this--did T tell him or did C tell him?

From what I could gather T originally told DH he slept with C, but she's since come to him, too, or he wouldn't know about the herpes.

neesernicole

this is a good plot for a made for tv movie.  dang.  i'm no help tho.  i hope T is ok.

Kapalua

oh god!

I don't know...I'd be inclined to stay out of the relationship part of it..unless she asks him for help or something.  She's young, but she's an adult and made the decision to get involved with him. I would be concerned about tracking down the awol crew member, though! 

femmegem

DH says it looks like T plotted this whole thing because he asked DH where he could find an ATM and he did his laundry a day early, so he's not too concerned. IDK. Even if he did plan it, I'm still worried, especially if he seems mentally unstable at the moment.

Ugh. What a mess.

kylara111

Amanda&Chris:

I think what you suggested is the way to go.  I know he feels responsible, but he isn't and I think it could end up being a problem if he got too involved.  Even though it's a small group and not a typical work setting he's still their boss and should probably only be involved to the extent of helping her find medical treatment, giving her a little time off, etc.

That all totally sucks though.  I hope T gets some help ASAP.

I completely agree with this. 

npeacock

Amanda&Chris:

I think what you suggested is the way to go.  I know he feels responsible, but he isn't and I think it could end up being a problem if he got too involved.  Even though it's a small group and not a typical work setting he's still their boss and should probably only be involved to the extent of helping her find medical treatment, giving her a little time off, etc.

That all totally sucks though.  I hope T gets some help ASAP.

This.  Completely.