Going back to work....SAHD

fnkeefresh

After my maternity leave I will have to go back to work, because DH's job has already told him they're laying everyone off (again) in October.  Oh well, I like to work anyway.  We are getting a lot of flack though from people because he will be a stay at home dad.  Have any of you run into this problem at all?  I think its great that he will be at home with the girls, it will save us money on daycare, and will be a great bonding experience for them.  How do people handle the comments?  I am very confrontational and I would be like "At least my H likes our children!"

EastCoastBride

My DH was DS's primary caretaker until the beginning of June.  Now, (due to a really weird job schedule), he watches DS one week out of every 4.

I haven't received any negative comments, and it's damn good I haven't!  like you- I'm thrilled that DH has been able to spend as much time w/ DS as he has, and will continue to. 

What kind of comments are you getting, though?  Give me a couple examples and I"m sure I can come up w/ a response or two.... that are actually nice!

fnkeefresh

"What kind of man stays home and makes you work?"

Things like that.  Its really degrating to him.  

Bella427

DH has been a SAHD for 8 months since he was laid off.  It's worked really well for us, but occasionally people make inappropriate comments.  The other day my boss called DH "Mr. Mom."  Oh well, as long as it works for us, I don't really give a sh*t what anyone else thinks!

stfne

My step-brother is a SAHD and he is awesome!  He absolutely loves it and it works for them.  I don't know if he ever gets any comments about it, but people should mind their own business.  Especially in this economy, I think it will be happening more and more.

EastCoastBride

fnkeefresh:

"What kind of man stays home and makes you work?"

Things like that.  Its really degrating to him.  

O.k.  Two thoughts on this.

1- it's only degrading if your DH LETS it be degrading.  If someone were to say this to my DH, he'd laugh at them and say "Heck- I get to spend a lot of time w/ DS and nothing beats it.".

Comments like that are idiotic and chauvenstic.  if your DH doesn't feel that way, then why does it bother him?   Let people be idiots and he needs to take full comfort in that he is doing what is right for him and his family. 

2- as for what you or he can say, I'd say someting along the lines of what I wrote above.  I'd laugh and say "DH loves being able to spend time w/ DS. He wouldn't have it any other way.", or (always w/ a laugh) "oh, he isn't making me do anything.  We are both thrilled w/ this set up and wouldn't change a thing."

Whatever your responses are- be light about it, be CONFIDENT about it.  THAT is going to stop most of these people in their tracks.  You get angry?  You yell at them?  it's only going to show them that you all really aren't all that comfortable in him staying at home.

Don't give them that power!  Prove them wrong simply by being confident and supportive of one another and BRAG about how much fun it is for him to be w/ his child and how much joy he gets from it.

TheMalleys

My H is a SAHD due to a lay off too. I haven't had any negative comments, really just jealousy. If they say something rude, I just tell them it was due to a lay-off and that usually shuts them up.

trigirl30

This is becoming a more common thing due to the economy.  In my group of friends, 2 of the dads now stay at home.  My husband stayed at home with our son for a few months last year when he was between jobs.  Why would anyone give your H flack for taking care of his family?  What is he supposed to do, send your girls to daycare while he sits home?  It's an amazing opportunity that most dads will never get.  If people give you/him a hard time, they are jealous or insecure about their own H's ability to adequately care for their kids.   

crysas81

I would say "a damn good man stays home while I work!" My DH stays home and we love it. The part that drives him up the wall is when he goes places like library and women try to give him tip on how to handle the baby...WHA? He's home with her all day...are you kidding me!? Whatever, we love it. It works for us. Don't worry about what people say. He will figure it out and eventually the comments won't bother him. It's a lose lose...someone always has something to say about everyone!

AlisaS

fnkeefresh:

After my maternity leave I will have to go back to work, because DH's job has already told him they're laying everyone off (again) in October.  Oh well, I like to work anyway.  We are getting a lot of flack though from people because he will be a stay at home dad.  Have any of you run into this problem at all?  I think its great that he will be at home with the girls, it will save us money on daycare, and will be a great bonding experience for them.  How do people handle the comments?  I am very confrontational and I would be like "At least my H likes our children!"

Most father's like their children. That kind of comment just makes you look like you are not confident in your choices.

Let the anger go and find a way to get past it. A simple smile and a "It works great for us" is all you need.

barkers4jmm

DH has been a SAHD since January when I went back to work.  He took 12 weeks FMLA and then had surgery/recovery to repair a damaged tendon (work related).  It's really great.

It's coming to the point where he has recovered enough to return to work and we're deciding what to do (daycare v SAHD).  When you factor in daycare costs ($21-25K - that's just one kid), commuting costs, taxes, and just plain time and effort, I think he should be a SAHD permanently.  He's torn b/c he loves staying home but he thinks it's easier to work than be a SAHD!

We haven't had any bad comments.  Of course, I say that he's a SAHD very matter of factly, which doesn't really allow for negative comments (if there were any).

Erin&Rod

DH was a SAHD for a year and we never got any negative comments.  We actually always got positive comments.

jc&cat

DH is a SAHD that officially started due to a layoff and it is FANTASTIC! It works out so well for us and they are enjoying the time together. In fact so much that DH is now getting some consulting work that he can do nights/weekends/naps so we can keep this up. A few people gave us the side eye about me going to work and him at home. Honestly, we don't give a crap b/c it is best for our son and our family. Period. Nothing else matters.

Good luck to you guys. As you can see there are a few of us so please check in and let us know how it goes!