Baby Shower help please- it's kinda long...

tami&chase

When I announced my pregnancy to friends and family they were all so excited and wanted to know who was throwing the shower, except for my mom who announced that she would not be throwing my shower. My MIL & SIL immediately volunteered to throw a co-ed shower. My hubby and I were so excited. A few months later my mom tells me that she and my cousin want to do a shower for me and I tell her that my MIL & SIL are planning one- she's a little hurt but says ok.

So the other night we are making out the guest list and it's over 60 people. TOO MANY. So I have gotten it down to 40 people (by removing some of my mother's family), but it's still TOO many. My MIL and SIL are thinking that 30 people is more than plenty- which is completely understandable. So the only way to get the list down to 30 is to take off my entire mother's family- which I feel terrible about.

So we will need to have 2 showers... and my husband wants to host our own BBQ shower and not ask for any gifts, but my mom will be so hurt if she is not invited to the MIL's shower. My hubby also thinks we could pretend that a friend is throwing the shower and I was also considering telling my mom the situation and seeing if she wants to throw me a girls only shower mostly for her family, but I feel it's tacky and I don't want to be rude.

Any help is greatly appreciated... Thanks!!

Rochelle&Matt

I think your mom should be invited to the shower. The number of guests you have on your list right now is high, but if anyone should stay on the list, it should be your immediate family and his immediate family. It would be reasonable to cut out the extended fam from your moms side in order to cut the list down. At that point your mom can decide to throw her own, or i think your BBQ idea is an excellent idea! No need to lie to try and make your mom feel better. I would explain to MIL that there are a few people from your side that will need to be there, even if it puts the numbers slightly higher.

tami&chase

Thanks for your help.  Your answer is very logical and I appreciate it.

vanessaNOV2

I would suggest having your mom host a shower for you with her side of the fam. A lot of people have 2+ more showers when you socialize in different circles (like a shower just with the people you work with and a shower just with fam/friends). I would think if your mom got to host a shower for you she wouldn't need to go to any of the other showers.

The_Jen626

I think you should talk to your Mom and suggest that she and a sister/friend/cousin/whatever co-host a shower for your Mom's friends and family.  It's not fair to ask your MIL to host (and pay for) all of your Mom's friends. 

DH and I both have huge extended familes and lots of friends, this is what we did:

Shower 1 My Mom's friends and family, and my close girlfriends from high school/growing up, about 20 people

Shower 2 "Couples shower" with all the guys and girlfriends, beer and more of a party atmosphere, everyone still brought gifts, there was about 40 people there

Shower 3 MIL and Step-MIL shower for all of their friends and family that I don't really know.  There was about 25 people there.

Shower 4  Work shower, 10 coworkers

And it worked out perfectly : )

peachypear

Jumper:

I would explain the situtation to your mom and ask if she would still like to throw a shower for her side of the family.  I think both mothers should be invited to both showers.

Ditto.

faithhollett

Too bad you told your mom not to throw you a shower in the first place. Depending on your relationship with her, it could be awkward to ask her to throw one after all.

You can never have too many baby showers! 

Lesson learned: if someone wants to throw you a party, always say "okay!" 

tami&chase

I definately learned my lesson the hard way. And I ended up asking my mom if she was still interested and she delightfully said yes.  Thanks for all of your input.