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TTC after 35
Intro. myself
Hello ladies. I am 36, DH is 40 and we are thinking about having 1 more child. He has 2 from his first marriage and we have one child together.
I would like to get some of your thoughts on this:
I was 34 when DD was born and DH was 39. We are discussing the possiblity of having another child but DH is scared, he is 40 and would be 41 when LO was born. I am 36 now, 37 at potential birth. He says he feels guilty to bring a child in the world when he doesn't know how long he will live to be around for that child.
Has anyone ever thought this way? Your DH? What are you thoughts? I don't want to post my reply until I hear what others have to say and then I will post it. I sort of want to see if anyone else thinks the same way that I do.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Intro. myself
Hi and welcome. This may be controversial but DH and I had that conversation specifically around testing and having a child with disabilities. It helped us make our decision on what tests to do when the time comes and what, if any, action to take based on the results.
Otherwise, no. I'm 35 and will be 36 at due date (if I am lucky enough to conceive soon) and that is just the way it is. I figure our parents are still here so there's a good chance we'll still be here at their age so that gives us at least 23 years. Enough time to get the LO raised and through college.
That being said - I'm Irish and as a people, we're prone to be morbid. So I hope to still be here in 40 years but I could be dead tomorow. See? Morbid.
Hi, and welcome! I haven't heard that one before at your age. It would definitely be different if you were in your 50s, I would think. (At my RE they do donor eggs up until age 52. My first thought was, how old are those mother's when their children have children?!)
But, it seems like more and more people are having children at our ages, so I hear less about those kinds of concerns. In my opinion, it is a trade-off. I consider what I can give a child now vs. what I could have before now. That's a trade-off with how long I might 'be around' for the child. Also, there's the unknown in any situation - A parent in the their 20s could die prematurely and a parent in their 40s could live to be 90. You just can't predict. And hopefully, medicine will continue to advance and we might just live longer than we think!
Ditto pps. My husband lost his father when he was nine (dad was 39). You never really know how long you'll have with your children, and I think any time is better than no time at all.
Welcome and GL!
My husband and I have have more of the original posters philosophy. My son's father was 41 when he was born and he died when he was in his early 20's. My husband is now 40 and we are still trying for no. 2, BUT I think he will be ready to give up before I will (I'm 38). My parents are only 19 years older than me so maybe if one of us dies early, they will be around! ;-) No but seriously, it's true, you never know when your time is up. However, I think having a child at 52 with donor eggs is a bit outrageous.
Funny you should say that - DH is Irish!
Thanks ladies!
Hello there and welcome!
Every few years our average life expectancy has been on the rise. I feel it is logical to expect that we will live much longer than our parents and grandparents.
Welcome! DH and I are both 39 and "when" this IVF works we will be 40 when the baby comes...the only thing we do is joke about how old we will be at HS graduation, maybe not too realistic but I honestly do not feel my age and I think that has a lot to do with it. We want a family and this being our first for both of us makes things slightly different.
Here is a slightly different perspective . . .
I am an only child and have been watching my mom, also an only child, take care of her parents for the last few years. It is very hard for her as it all rests on her shoulders since she doesn't have a sibling to share the burden. As an only child, I know I will be in the same boat and I do not look forward to doing it all on my own. So, if you decide to have another child, I actually think this is a good thing because your DD won't be alone when you are older.
Also, if something does happen to you, they would have each other. Before meeting DH, I always worried about what I would do when my parents are gone. Without siblings, I would be all alone on holidays.
I hope this makes sense and isn't too morbid.
Good point. I'm an only child as well and this is a valid concern. Kind of why we're secretly hoping for twins at this point.
Hi, and welcome to the board.
As others have said, none of us really knows what the future holds. Chances are very good that you and DH will live to see a kid you have now have kids. Might that not happen? Sure. But some people who have kids at 20 don't live to see their kids grow up. In other words: These things are all out of your control. All you can do is try for a kid if you want another, and give that kid the best life possible while you're around - whether you depart the planet at 45 or 105.
Good luck!
Welcome to the board. I too think that given the future is impossible to predict, one just has to go with it.
GL!