If you have to work

Mel&Jason · July 2009

I have been back to work now for a week ... and I miss my DD so much! I have no choice ... I have to work. And to be honest ... I would go crazy being a SAHM ... ideally I would love to have better hours ( I work 2 days 11-8pm) or work part time ... but that is not in the cards. If you have to work ... do you often day dream about working part time and being with LO more? I dont know if it is because I have only been back for a week or if this is really going to bother me. Thanks for letting me vent.

BriAndSean · July 2009

I think about working P/T all the time and my DD is 13 months old It's really tough to find P/T work in my field but I would love to do that. I think it would be a perfect balance for me. I'm thinking about making a career change just so that I can work P/T.

Do you only work 2 days per week or you just have to work late 2 days per week? 2 days per week would be great for me Is there any flexibility in your schedule? After DD was born, I started working earlier hours so that I can be home with her in the afternoon. If that's an option for you, I highly recommend it! Or maybe 4 10's or telecommuting?

Mel&Jason · July 2009

My schedule consists of Mon and Tues 11-8, Wed and Thurs 9-6 and Fridays 8-5 ... i would love to suggest to my boss to not work my late nights ... it would be ideal ... but also not fair to my other 12 employees that are required to work the late nights ... i think I would get a lot of back lash from it ... however I am not ruling out suggesting it to my boss at some point.

duchess0727 · July 2009

Honestly, no. When my husband and I got married, our arrangement was that we would both work. My husband is an attorney with a very small practice. In his field and where we live, if we want to afford a bigger house, he would have to devote about 12 hours a day to working. That isn't acceptable in our family. He wants to be able to put his kids to bed at night and eat dinner with his family. In addition, I make more money than he does and I actually like my job a lot. So it just makes sense for us both to work. I hope to have better hours when my kids are in middle school and high school so I can make sure they get their homework done and get to their after-school activities. For now, I know my kids don't realize if I'm gone 4 hours or 8 hours.

Do I miss my kids when I'm at work? Of course - and I'd love a few extra hours to spend with them. But I don't daydream about not working or working PT because I can't. It's just not even in the realm of possibility for us.

Having said that, the first few months of daycare for me were really hard. I knew my son had to be there but I worried about every little thing - bottles, diapers, cream, everything little thing written on his sheet, his naps, etc. After a few months though, I realized my son was happy there and that the teachers loved him to pieces. As he has grown up there, I see how much he is benefitting from the environment he is in. He is smart and funny and social and most importantly, happy. And my daughter starts daycare next month and i'm not worried in the least. It gets a lot easier - at least for me it did.

Mel&Jason · July 2009

Thanks for responding. Yes .. I dont know why I daydreeam about it ... because it is not even a possibility for us now either ... thanks for putting it into perspective though!

kgb1411 · July 2009

sometimes when I feel that way I lurk on the SAHM board. Half the posts are about (not) sharing household and childcare responsibilities with husband, worrying about money, looking for a job while staying at home, finding things to do during the day, etc. The grass isn't as green as it looks on that side of the fence.

MargieMom · July 2009

I like working FT - maybe I'm a minority, but it makes me happy, which i am guessing/hoping in turn makes DS happy.

May524 · July 2009

I wish I could work part time when DS gets into school. I hope I'll be the one picking him up from school and all.

Zippomissmaggie · July 2009

I like my job, I like my co-workers. At this point we can't afford for me to do it, but I do daydream about working part time some days. I think reducing my hrs to 30 hrs per week and working 3-10's would be ideal. I used to work 4 10's before DD was born & I had fridays off.

My employer does do WAH for my position, but it's work at home all the time or work at the office all the time. I don't know if I would do well working at home or not... I think I would be too lonely, or too distracted by the dogs, or doing the dishes, laundry, ect. But, working at home would save me 1.5 hrs drive time.

There are two roles in our dept that allow associates to WAH 1 day a week w/ remote access. I would eventually like to move into one of the two positions.

flyer23 · July 2009

When I first went back to work, yes, I often daydreamed about working part-time and being with DD more.

Now? Nope, not at all. She adores her preschool and I love working, so we're both happy.

Give yourself some time... the first few months back are so tough. It took me 3 months just to get to the point where I didn't think about quitting daily, and then another 3 months to get to the point where I could say I genuinely loved working. But now I'm there, and it's all good Smile

Mel&Jason · July 2009

Thanks so much for responding to both of my posts. At least I know that I am not alone with feeling like it is so tough to return back to work. I know I have to give it time ... I keep telling myself ... so thank you for reminding me!

flyer23 · July 2009

When I first went back to work, a very smart working mom with an older child told me, "Give it six months, and if you're still miserable, then think about making drastic changes."

It was really helpful having a time limit on my misery. When I was really, really depressed, I would tell myself, "Just make it to April 22nd, and if you still feel like this, then things will change."

Turns out that six months was just about right... as I posted before, it took just about six months for me to get to the point where I could genuinely say I was happy at work.

Good luck. I know it is not easy. My first months back at work were some of the darkest of my life, for a variety of reasons. I feel for all of you who are still right in the midst of it. But trust me, just because it's dark now does not necessarily mean it'll stay that way.