Discipline - feeling like I should stay home

ShuTree

Lately our 3.5 year old has been really whiney and bad. Not listening to us, throwing tantrums, hitting us, talking back, whining whining, whining.  His 1.5 yr old brother is picking up on all of this too.  We use time out, we acknowledge his feelings, we're reading parenting books etc...but i can't help but to think that if I were home with him and spending more time with him I could be doing more of the disciplining and help him grow up to be a good kid while he is still "home" and not in real school.  The boys are only around us on the weekends and 3 or 4 hours at night after every work day. Is that enough?  He's constantly telling me he doesn't want to go to school even though i know he has a good time there.  I just think he gets so tired of being "good" at school so he comes home and has his meltdowns with us.  

We were away with family all weekend and even then we had a hard time controlling his emotions and tantrums. I felt like everyone was thinking, what horrible kids we have and how we need to discipline them more. But how do i do that when they aren't even with us the majority of the time? 

luvmagoldn

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to go to DC?  How long has this difficult streak been going on?  It could just be a phase that will smooth out.

duchess0727

I actually think daycare helps my son a lot because he has a lot of structure to his life and he is forced to clean up after himself and not able to just run free and do what he wants.  I find that my friends' kids who have less structure tend to have much worse behavior than my son and do not listen as well.  I think your son is just a typical toddler that is testing his parents because that's what toddlers do.  I don't think it would make a difference if you were home more because he's going to do his testing with you and not his teachers no matter what.  In fact, for me I think my son would be worse because I'd be too exhausted after a few hours of the whining and I'd just give in and let him do what he wants. 

joelle&joseph

If anything I think staying home would make him worse.  DS just started acting like that about 2 weeks ago and I'm sure it has to do with the fact that I'm on maternity leave and he's been home with me.  I give him plenty of attention but when he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it he throws a fit.  It's been pretty tough and I hope going back to DC in August will help him.

Maybride2

Ditto duchess, 100%.

carrie4g

I have yet to meet a stay-at-home mom who has a well behaved 3.5 year old. I'm afraid it is par for the course. You guys are doing the right things! Keep it up! And honestly, I bet work keeps your sanity. If you were home with that 24/7 you'd go nuts.  it seems like the better solution but no one has the patience and time to give 110% to dealing with the stresses of toddlers.

I wonder if his negativity towards daycare/school is because he's picking up on how you feel about it....

ShuTree

Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I feel a lot better about this!  I posted it on the parenting board and received feedback from SAHMs - so now I at least know the grass isn't greener on the other side.  I guess this is the terrible 3s and I am so glad to hear I am not alone!!!!!

DontMakeMeComeInThere

My son just turned 3 and some days, he is a mess like you describe.  Tantrums, throwing things, talking back, etc.  And he has never been in daycare.  I stayed home with him until just a few months ago, and now my husband is home with him & his 5 mo old brother.  I don't think it's daycare vs. no daycare- I think it's a transitional age, when they're developing a sense of independence and self, and are pushing boundaries to try to define their identity.

semdkm

I could have written this post (about my 1.5 year old, though), and said to my husband this morning, "maybe b/c we send her to daycare????"  He said, "look at our niece."  My sister stays at home with our niece (who is 3), and I swear she is a holy terror.  I agree with duchess--I don't think it's about working or not working, more the age.  Keep up your good work--sounds to me like you're doing your best!  (And hugs, I know it's so frustrating).