Working alternate schedules to avoid daycare?

KathrynMD

Is anybody successfully doing some kind of arrangement like this w/ their DH?

Stellasmom

Are you trying to avoid daycare for financial reasons?

lanie26

Sort of. Jo is still in Daycare a couple days a week. It reeks havoc on your sleep and your relationship at times.

For example, he'll be home with her during the day, and I'll arrive home at 5:30. We have a very quick dinner as a family and he leaves for work at 6. He arrives back the next day. In order to allow him some sleep I take Jo to daycare for a bit. he picks her up early and we repeat.

There are days we don't see each other for 5 days at a time.

Its rough.

KathrynMD

I have friends who are considering trying to do this to avoid costs. 

abrtpk1

We don't work any crazy hours...but we have avoided day care.

My H has the ability to work from home and I work part time at 20 hrs/week. He stays home 2 1/2 days and I'm home 2 1/2 days. It works MOST of the time...sometimes we need to alter the schedule a bit because of meetings he has scheduled. It's pretty hard for him because he actually has to do his job and take care of Em when he is here...so that's been tough for him but he's done it and it's been wonderful for our family. 

 

Norah

We did this for 3 months after I returned to work. The down side was that I never ever got to spend any time with DH. We discussed it and decided that we could take an income reduction for me to go part-time, so that we could see each other once in awhile. I feel much better now!

 

And i totally understand not wanting to go daycare. I just didn't even want to consider the idea of paid strangers taking care of my baby. GL

betsnup

My cousin and her husband have done it for a few years.  I imagine it's pretty exhausting, but they've made it work.  My cousin is a teacher, and she is gone from 7:30-4 each day.  When she gets home, her husband goes to bed for a few hours until he has to get up and go to work.  I think he works from 11-7, and then he naps during the day when their daughter does.  Her DS also works over the weekend, so they don't have that schedule every weekday, only 3 days a week.

YouAreMyILoveYou

We did it for 7 months and we finally stpped -- thank GOD!

I was working from 3:30 to midnight and DH worked from 730-530. DD stayed w/MIL for the inbetween time.

It was terrible for our marriage. We NEVER saw eachother. We had a total of 48 hrs together each week. I missed having dinner with my husband. I missed sitting on the couch after DD was asleep and watching our shows or just talking.

I also missed kissing my baby good night. And giving her a bath.

It was very stressful for us. The cons outweighed the pros abot 100 x's.

mieuxmieux

We are doing this... partly because daycare costs so much but mostly because I am scared to put DD in daycare.

I work from 7:30am to 3:30pm, and then DH goes to work from 4:00pm to about 11:00pm.  I think it works well because then we both get time with her instead of her spending a majority of her day with a daycare provider.  The downside is that DH and I don't get a lot of time together, but we make it work.  I guess the good part is when you have only a little time together, you don't really fight

Stellasmom

Norah:

And i totally understand not wanting to go daycare. I just didn't even want to consider the idea of paid strangers taking care of my baby. GL

This isn't really the best venue to lay that out there.

Anyway, I think its difficult on the marriages involved, but I've heard some success stories of switching off.

emizer

We do this now. It sucks for sooooooooo many reasons already mentioned.

punkfiction

not if you want to keep your marriage alive and well and actually a RELATIONSHIP instead of 2 people circling around a child to keep them out of daycare. sorry, but this kind of stuff drives me nuts. there are good daycares out there. do your research. but deciding not to see your dh except for a tiny bit of time a day - is absolutely ridiculous.

kbelly9

We do it!  My husband is a waiter/student, and he works from 5ish to whenever.  He stays home with DS until he goes to work, but goes to school 2 days a week.  I work from 10 until 6pm.  So, I spend time with DS in the mornings and also come home on my lunch break.  My MIL will come over in the afternoons for an hour or 2 when our schedules overlap.  It is a little rough for the relationship, but DH does have regular days off.  We make it work, because we can't really afford daycare.

YouAreMyILoveYou

punkfiction:

not if you want to keep your marriage alive and well and actually a RELATIONSHIP instead of 2 people circling around a child to keep them out of daycare. sorry, but this kind of stuff drives me nuts. there are good daycares out there. do your research. but deciding not to see your dh except for a tiny bit of time a day - is absolutely ridiculous.

 

I can't agree more and I wish t didn't take us 7 months to realize that our marriage is just as important to our family as the people who we have care for our child.

I understand being stuck between a rock and a hard place, but having parents who barely know eachother isn't good for any child. And quite frankly, it's bound to be a recipe for marital disaster.

I was so happy when I was able to see my husband every day again.

soontobecapek

we have done this since my son was born, DH works 7 days a week from 2:30 am to 7:30 am. I work from 7:00am to 3:30 pm monday through friday ( longer about 9 months a year for mandatory OT) my mom watches DS for about 45 minutes to an hour until DH gets off work... we still see each other plenty because DH goes to bed at about 8 PM.... depending on the hours, it can either put huge stress on your relationship or seemingly none at all... we didnt do it to avoid daycare, DH has just had this job since before DS came along and it worked out...

brideofaussie

We did this for 7 weeks when I went back to work and DH was still in school.

I basically worked all weekend and odd hours when DH was in class.  I basically never saw DH, but it was nice being able to be with DS when I went back to work.

lanie26

punkfiction:

not if you want to keep your marriage alive and well and actually a RELATIONSHIP instead of 2 people circling around a child to keep them out of daycare. sorry, but this kind of stuff drives me nuts. there are good daycares out there. do your research. but deciding not to see your dh except for a tiny bit of time a day - is absolutely ridiculous.

Yes if you have the choice to put your child in daycare, for heavens sakes do it. My husband is a nurse. He works on call and he works nights. With or without daycare, we struggle for time together. Its important to note that not all of us have a choice in this matter. When a job requires that someone be away, its just the way it is.

I hate not seeing him every day, but we have a great relationship. We both have great careers, a healthy marriage and we adore our daughter.

susianddan

My BIL and SIL do this combined with part time daycare and it is causing huge issues - and not just between the 2 of them. They never see each other (obviously) or their DD and their schedules work out in such a way that they are always ditching their daughter with my ILs - even for entire weekends. My niece now spends as much, if not more, time with my ILs and doesn't respond well to her own parents anymore. This, in turn, means that we spend little time with my ILs (gee, bummer!) b/c their DD is always there and she has behavior issues now that make it difficult to want to spend time with her. It also means we can't use them to babysit even though they are only 2 miles away because they always have her over there. Oh, and did I mention they don't ask in advance for ILs to babysit? Even for the entire weekend? They just show up and drop her off! And get annoyed when they're not there!?

Joes_love

we do it to help keep costs lower, but not avoid them.  I work 4 10 hour days, Sun-Wed.  DH keeps DS on Sunday, he goes to my MIL Mon-Wed, and then he's with me Thursday and Friday.  DH also works from home on Friday so we get to see each other then and always at least have lunch together.

ChefBrit

we have done this successfully since i went back to work. as C gets older it seems to be getting better and  better for her and her daddy. I work four shifts a week. For the time being i am waitressing so i get more time with DD for the same money i was making before(sometimes more) so on Mon. we have a sitter for my lunch shift on Tues my SO's day off he is home with DD while i work a lunch shift then Thurs and Sat he comes home and we do a hand off pretty much.. so i can work the dinner shift. I am home by 10 and we hang out then.. we also get mon tues nights all day wed together sat sun nights. so we do see each other. It use to be different and alot more stressful but so far this is really working for us. I love that my SO is able to handle it all.. midday naps(which tend to be a trial sometimes) to putting her down to bed. I know it makes him feel like a more confident, competent father which makes life much nicer.. there is hope..

TLS2007

Yes, I'm a RN and DH a Respiratory therapist we both work 3 days a week and alternate our schedules to avoid daycare. We are off only 1 day a week together but its a sacrifice we choose to make for our child. It allows each of us time to bond with him and he doesn't prefer one over the other. DH and I always look forward to our time together. We usually have movie night at home or if grandma gets him we go out.

jenifairies

DH's aunt and uncle have done this for years. He works a 9-5 and she works graveyards. She also never sleeps. I'm not kidding, she takes like a 2 hour nap before her shift. It's madness.

It seems to work for them, but I wouldn't do it. I need to spend time with my H and I need my sleep!

Norah

Stellasmom:

Norah:

And i totally understand not wanting to go daycare. I just didn't even want to consider the idea of paid strangers taking care of my baby. GL

This isn't really the best venue to lay that out there.

Anyway, I think its difficult on the marriages involved, but I've heard some success stories of switching off.

 That's how I feel, for my own situation. I'm not judging anyone for heaven's sake. Daycare is a good thing, it's just not for me.