Question on waiting to tell names..

JnJHud

I read the post below about the (rude) comments from a MIL regarding a name. Like many other similar posts, most of the advice to the OP was to hold off on telling names to avoid such reactions. But that got me thinking. If negative comments are going to happen, what good does it do to wait until baby arrives? Are people less likely to dlislike a name then? And if they're not, does it "hurt" more to hear negative reactions when there's a LO in the flesh? Is it better to take the heat while you still have time to a) re-think your choice and/or b) while people have time to get used to the name before baby arrives?

I'm genuinely asking to take a pulse on everyone's thoughts/experiences; I'm not "voting" either way, as the jury is still out for me.

GettinNervous

We didn't wait to tell people, because we picked names that are common but not popular that wouldn't really get negative reactions.

I think people don't tell until the baby is born because that's 9 months where they don't have to listen to criticism. I'd rather hear people tell me, "We haven't decided yet" over "We're not telling until the baby is born." To me, it sounds kind of like a game to say, "We're not telling."

 I do NOT understand why people don't tell others the gender of the baby if they know it. We don't care THAT much what people are having!!!

 

KristiPT

Most people are pc enough not to make a rude comment after the child has already arrived...not so much so before the baby is here.

Personally, we chose names and kept them to ourselves until dd arrived simply because we loved the name we had chosen and didn't want to be swayed from it by negative reactions from friends and family. 

We didn't tell people that it was a secret, but rather that we had several in mind that we were still trying to decide between and we didn't want to committ to anything before we met her.  We played it as though we were really indecisive with strangers and coworkers....but with our families we flat out told them that we didn't want to be influenced away from something we loved.

lspinman

I have found that once there actually is a LO no one will say anything (at least to you!) about the name.  It is hard to criticize once there is this adorable little person that is attached to that name. 

We are not telling the name but it is more because DH and I feel that it is special between us at this point.  When LO is born we can announce the addition to our family- just somehow seems more special to us if only we know LO's name.

JnJHud

Hmm all good points, ladies! I'm glad I asked.

PunkyBooster

People aren't going to tell you they hate your baby's name after he or she is born.

courtneyandandrew

PunkyBooster:

People aren't going to tell you they hate your baby's name after he or she is born.

THIS

kimberleigh30

IMO when people ask what names are you "thinking" of using and you tell them a name they hate they are more open to tell you their feelings if they hate it.  Once the baby is here and that name is final I don't think anyone would have to the balls to tell you to your face that they don't like it.

borc0080

I think it depends on your situation.  We have some friends who are having twins and they've been 100% set on their names practically since day 1.  So they're sharing them with the world because no amount of unsolicited comments will change their minds. 

However, some people find it best to be noncommittal (i.e. "we've got a few we're thinking about") since they may have opinionated friends or relatives who don't mind saying how dumb they think a name is. 

We truly do have a few we're choosing between, but have no problem sharing them with friends and family since most of ours wouldn't make rude comments even if they disliked the name.

heatherlane

I think that grandparents and close family (at least, if you have normal and sensitive adults in your family as I do) will already be in love with the baby so much that they won't care what the name is. (Unless you are naming it something ridiculous like Rocket Spector.)

And also by the end of your pregnancy, you are so used to people giving you their opinions on everything that you have learned to just take it with a grain of salt, whereas earlier in PG you are probably a little more sensitive to comments.

QueenOfWhirled

Personally I am glad we talked about names because the name I originally picked I no longer liked. But I did tell everyone that I wasn't comitting to a name until I met her.

As for the gender, we told everyone we didn't know what she was until the baby shower. I didn't want a ton of clothes. If you tell the gender you are just about guaranteed to get a ton of clothes you don't want.

I will do it again next time too.

tct1219

most people will keep their opinions to themselves after the baby is born and the name is set in stone.

EmmieB

We're telling anyone who asks. Actually, when I sent out the email to my extended family to tell them we were pregnant I included the names we had settled on.

I had expected some reservations or some negative comments but everyone has said they're really good names, so that's good.

When I tell people in person I preface it with "these are the names we've chosen. Start to love them." 

I get what people mean, though. Once you're looking at the little pink cheeks and rosy lips it's hard to say anything negative about the LO. Even if their name is something the mom pulled out her ass while on demerol.

thatgirlang

I have always made your same exact points!!

People will either a) still voice their opinion and it will hurt more because the baby is here or b) they will talk about it/you/the name behind your back. If they don't like it, they don't like it. They'll talk about it SOMEWHERE to SOMEONE.

My mom didn't like DS's name but I told her early and it did grow on her by the time he arrived.

shanBmcg

I agree that, for the most part, people are nice enough not to mention disliking your choice in names once the baby has arrived. However, that is not always the case. Both my husband's and my family had reservations about our daughter's name and it wasn't announced until she was born (we didn't know if she was going to be a boy or a girl and went to the hospital with a list of possible names, none of which had been settled on beforehand). I'm not very sensitive so it didn't hurt my feelings, but it did get annoying after a couple of weeks. It's as if they thought we would change our minds even though it was on the birth certificate and everything! As they got to know her it became a non-issue and now everyone says it is perfect for her.

berry25

I think that for the most part, people will keep their opinions to themselves once the baby is born.  However that is NOT the case for very unusual names like Truman.  People will make comments that you will overhear - they may not be your (polite) family and friends, but you'd better believe that you will hear negative things about really unusual names.  If you are going to choose something unusual, grow a thick skin.  When it comes to regular names that simply may not be your MIL's (or best friend, or neighbor's) first choice (say, you like Annabelle but she thinks it's too old fashioned), well that's another issue - most likely she WILL keep her mouth shut when she sees your adorable LO in a way that she wouldn't when she thinks she can influence your choice of names before the arrival.

smismar

courtneyandandrew:

PunkyBooster:

People aren't going to tell you they hate your baby's name after he or she is born.

THIS

Not necessarily,  My FIL threw a small tantrum b/c he didn't like DD's first name and then suggested 10 other "better" (in HIS opinion) names.  And this was after she was born and the name had been submitted for the birth certificate.

LeighAnne1941

I think most people would be less likely to comment on a name after the LO arrives because it's set in stone then.  Maybe they feel if they speak up before the baby is born you will change your mind.

Sweden+Canada

smismar:

courtneyandandrew:

PunkyBooster:

People aren't going to tell you they hate your baby's name after he or she is born.

THIS

Not necessarily,  My FIL threw a small tantrum b/c he didn't like DD's first name and then suggested 10 other "better" (in HIS opinion) names.  And this was after she was born and the name had been submitted for the birth certificate.

I sort of have to agree with this.

While I do think people are less likely to say anything once the baby is here I know some people don't care if the baby is born or not though. I know my grandmother really didn't like my brother's name  and she plain and simple refused to use it even after he was born (I have to say it was a perfectly normal name, nothing strange or unusual). She insisted on calling him by his middle name for months until my parents finally had enough and told her this is his name- deal with it!!

 

anna7602

we waited and I am very glad that we did. My mom was absolutely puzzled about why we didn't use a family name and if we had told her the names ahead of time, I would have gotten a lot of pressure throughout my pregnancy to use a family name. DH and I have loved DD's name since well before she was even conceived and there was no room for debate with my family members about it.

we kept the boy name a secret as well (we didn't know the baby's sex beforehand) and it is still a secret in case we have a boy one day. I know for a fact that one of my aunts hates the name because it is her brother's name (she is related to me by marriage), but I doubt she will say anything after the baby is born if we ever have a boy. Beforehand, however, I know she would try to talk us out of it.

gjkhjr01

We told people the name early, most hated it but we didn't care. If you wait to tell the name until the baby is born, then the people that hate the name won't say anything negative about it. My family had 20+ years of hearing that I'd name my DD Sable, no one got used to it...

spiffy

I don't see any close family saying negative comments about a name* after the baby is there. The focus changes.

 Hubby and I aren't sharing names or potential names with family, mostly for superstitious reasons and because we'd like to meet the kid before we make the final decision. We did ask about a name we like that was also my older brother's name before he passed. 

 *Assuming, that is, that it is not disliked because of negative familial connotations.  I won't use Elizabeth b/c that was the lady who helped facilitate my parent's divorce.  The same with estranged people and the like.  Then it might color interactions for a while.