Anyone had this issue...

sunshinegirl09

So my best friend were trying to get pregnant for soo long together. Her 2 years and me a year and half. Well I told her a couple of nights ago and I know it was hard for her but I wanted to share it with her. She said omg I am so happy then kinda dropped it. Now I feel bad obviously and I know it would be hard it it was the other way around also.

Now I just feel kinda sad because she seemed happy but kinda mad.. Is that wrong of me?

preheatedoven

I would say that it probably wasn't 'mad' she was feeling. I am sure she is very happy for you....but sad for herself. Believe, I've been in the situation many times, and it is really difficult. You are genuinely happy for your friends, but the reminder that YOU are still not pg and you might never be, is really difficult. 

Give her time. Even though I know you are really excited about being pg, don't bring it up with her, let her bring it up. She may distance herself from you for awhile, but know that is for her self-preservation, not b/c of anything you've done. She will come around, it just takes time. 

graywhy

I guarantee you she is very happy for you, but right now, she's feeling very sad for herself. Which, im sure you can understand, is normal. I recommend you be respectful of her feelings as you go through your pregnancy - put yourself in her shoes before you say/do anything in front of her. Give her a day or two and im sure she will come back with a better reaction.

sunshinegirl09

Thanks and I know you girls are right. I know she is soo happy for me but sad about her situation. It just stinks that I am and shes not... Its just so hard to keep the excitement in with her. Your right I will wait for her to come to me.

Thanks.

Anna&Matt

I'd give her a little space to adjust to the news, once she does I'm sure she'll be happy for you!

babygirlpriest

I've been in your friend's shoes.

My BFF and I started trying at the same time. She got pg. first cycle and delivered in May (before I ever got a BFP). Yes, it's tough for her. It was tough for me and we'd only tried a year before a BFP.

However, for me, what would have been even worse was if she started to pull away from me to "protect my feelings." I already felt left out because I wasn't preg. If sh'd distanced herself from me I would have felt even more alone.

She and I have a great relationship and we were very honest about her concerns for my feelings, how I was doing, etc. And I'm so grateful she let me be a part of her pregnancy.

The only thing I would recommend you NOT do is complain about being pg. I mean, if we're talking m/s to the point where you're puking non-stop that's one thing. But complaining about weight gain, food aversions, etc.is probably not a good idea. Yes your discomfort is real and nothing to sneeze at, but she'd probably give just about anything to be hunched over a toilet right now.

But that was me. She may feel totally different.

sunshinegirl09

I know and you are completly right. I do understand where she is coming from and I will not bring it up unless she does. Thanks for the advice ladies.

tmahloch

 I have been in your friends situation many times. My husband and I had a miscarriage 2 yrs ago and we have been trying ever sense to get pregnant. In the last 2 yrs between my friends, family, and co-workers, there have been 7 people get pregnant. I was happy for every single one of them. I was just jealous that it hasnt happened for me yet. Just give her time. she is not mad!

NiniJ55

I can understand how you feel.  I am kinda in the same boat.  I have a friend that was also trying for a long time to get pregnant and has not had any success.  One of the things we used to bond over was our treatments and infertility issues (I was trying for over 4 years - read my siggi).

Now that I am pregnant - I don't know how to tell her and have decided to wait until I am in the second trimester.  I know she will be happy for me.  But I also know first hand that you can be happy for someone and sad for yourself and jealous at the same time.  If she is truly a friend she will be happy for you and find a way to put her feelings aside (I have had to do this in the past).  Give her a little space - and I am sure she will come around.

EveGirl05

When I became pregnant with my first son, I had a really hard time telling my cousin because her and her husband had been TTC for over 2 years.

 It's hard to not take it personal but I know my cousin's hurt wasn't directed at me, just the situation. I would be really sensitive to the fact that any talk about being pg will probably be hard for her right now. I would wait until my cousin brought it up to me before I talked about it. It is really hard but we came out stronger and I hope that is the same for you.

If you want a little insight onto what it is like for her, my cousin & her sister have a blog about what's it's like to be fertile vs. infertile. Here is the link, I hope its helpful.

 https://www.missandrae.blogspot.com/

 

EveGirl05

I just re-read your post, somehow I missed the part that you've been trying for a year and a half. I'm sorry. I don't know how I missed that. My post about the blog might not be very benefitial to you but hopefully other readers.

On a side note, congrats on your pregnancy!

Kim B.

When my DH and I tell his extended family, he has two cousins that are going to react the same way...One just miscarried a few weeks ago (She told the whole entire family before she even had her first appointment and then found out the pregnancy wasn't viable...) and the other has been trying to get pregnant for over a year now...I know that they'll be happy for us, but in a "I really wish it was me" kind of way...I just wont talk to them about my pregnancy unless they are the ones to bring it up. I want to be sensitive to their feelings.