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Foster parents - are your bios demanding??

MyColonyNJMyColonyNJ
in Adoption

Please tell me that demanding bios are the norm????

His mom is now pissed that I let Lil J go swimming in a baby pool.  Mind you, we live in NJ and it is not uncommon for the temps to reach 100 in the summer.

She said that she was going to bring the matter in front of a judge - um, good luck with that.

This is the most recent demand, and I really can't see them stopping any time soon.

So, are your bios demanding???

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Re: Foster parents - are your bios demanding??

  • MayDayGirlMayDayGirl member

    first of all WHY would that be a bad thing?

     

    And our bio mom isn't rude or demanding to us, but she is to the other fmoms who have her kids. I don't know why.

    Married on 3.20.2004. It took 30 month, 2 failed adoptions and IVF for our first miracle. We have had 9 foster kids since he was born and started the domestic adoption process when he was 10 month old, we had 4 failed matches in that time. After our daughter was born we brought her home and spent 2 weeks fearing we might lose her because of complications that came up. But Praise God all went through and she is ours forever! Expecting again after IVF Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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  • MyColonyNJMyColonyNJ
    imageMayDayGirl:

    first of all WHY would that be a bad thing?

    Oh, you know - because I am going to let him drown.

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  • lilmufishlilmufish member

    Did she give "REASONING" For not letting J in the baby pool?   If anything, I'd think she'd be thankful because you're letting him play in water and is playing outside instead of sitting him in front of a TV.

     Although, I have a friend who fears her children being around water...could possibly have something to do with that?

    I'm sorry she's not cooperating.

    My Blog Attempt Lilypie Waiting to Adopt tickers
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  • come*on*babycome*on*baby

    THAT is a ridiculous request. RIDICULOUS!

     

    Our last two bio parents haven't been terrible to deal with. We actually have had decent relationships with them. The first one though, dear sweet baby Jesus. She was terrible.

    I put the baby in our brand new carrier for visits and she compained it wasn't "cushiony" enough. really? The CPS carrier was? Whatev. She also complained we weren't feeding her enough, nevermind that she was a reflux baby and we were feeding her 4 oz at 3 weeks old. She was feeding her 6oz or more!

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  • kirstenw05kirstenw05

    Unfortunately, I think many bio parents int he foster system are demanding because it is a defense mechanism. By putting complaints or strange requests on you, it makes whatever their "sins" are less obvious. If CPS has stepped in to remove their child, they have done something (or many things) to make them unfit.

    Trying to point out others' flaws helps them feel like it raises them to your level a bit. I am sure most of them deep inside know what they have done, love their kids and feek horrible and beat themselves up mentally all the time.

    Just remember you have most of the power to deflect the odd requests and most of the time they wouldnt bother elevating it beyond just complaining to you.

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  • RJMbimRJMbim
    imageMyColonyNJ:
    imageMayDayGirl:

    first of all WHY would that be a bad thing?

    Oh, you know - because I am going to let him drown.

    I got that same crap the first time I took the baby to the beach but we live on an island and we're their atleast every week so I told her she needed to get over it.
    I wouldn't call her demanding but she's pretty annoying 70% of the time.

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  • TTCgradstudTTCgradstud
    imageMyColonyNJ:
    imageMayDayGirl:

    first of all WHY would that be a bad thing?

    Oh, you know - because I am going to let him drown.

    Are you allowed to give him a bath???  (yes, insert snarky tone) I'm sorry she is being a PITA, I don't have anything useful to add, I just think her complaint is nuts!

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  • DAT1205DAT1205
    imagekirstenw05:

    Unfortunately, I think many bio parents int he foster system are demanding because it is a defense mechanism. By putting complaints or strange requests on you, it makes whatever their "sins" are less obvious. If CPS has stepped in to remove their child, they have done something (or many things) to make them unfit.

    Trying to point out others' flaws helps them feel like it raises them to your level a bit. I am sure most of them deep inside know what they have done, love their kids and feek horrible and beat themselves up mentally all the time.

    Just remember you have most of the power to deflect the odd requests and most of the time they wouldnt bother elevating it beyond just complaining to you.

    Kirsten..I think you hit the nail right on the head....it is a total defense mechanism......they are just trying to find wrong in every and anything that you do because you obviously are the better parent for their child ....YIKES can you imagine how that makes them feel?  Keep up your good work and her craziness will hopefully lessen!

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  • come*on*babycome*on*baby
    yes, this is their way to make it look like their acting concerned, the best interest of their child or to feel in control. blah blah blah. load of crap. :P
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  • MyColonyNJMyColonyNJ

    IKristen - I know you are right.  Especially since this is not the first thing she has complained about.

    I guess it makes her look like the better parent.

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  • foundmylazybumfoundmylazybum

    Annoying. Lil J is three right?

    In all honesty if you wanted to, you could stop the "fear of drowning" by signing him up for swim lessons this summer. ;D (I, of course am not sure how things like that are supposed to be handled but I'm just saying that at 3 years old he could most definitely be taking his first swim lessons--way more than wading in the pool!)

    You are doing great. She seems insecure. ?

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  • come*on*babycome*on*baby
    MyColony - if you need it, i can send your our summer safety training to take to her to let her know "you got this" ... Stick out tongue
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  • MyColonyNJMyColonyNJ

    imagecome*on*baby:
    MyColony - if you need it, i can send your our summer safety training to take to her to let her know "you got this" ... Stick out tongue

    i love your responses to my posts.  You totally get me :)

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