SO SICK of the pity looks

cooker71

It's only been three days back on the job and I can't tell you how many times people have come up to me and asked about Miles in a hushed voice or with sadness and/or pity in their eyes. Then they nod their head sympathetically while I tell them how great he's doing and wring their hands. I can almost hear them thinking "God I'm glad it's not me."

Apparently, word travels fast here because everyone also knows I'm back early because DH got laid off. I've gotten a lot of pitying looks about that too and I'm just sick of it.

Yes, life has thrown me and my family a good deal of curveballs the past two or three months. Yes, I'm still working through my emotions re: Miles' diagnosis and yes, there are still days where I think "woe is me," but those days are far outnumbered by the days I feel strengthened by the challenges we face, both with Miles and our financial situation, and am a better parent and wife because of them.

I love my little boy with all my heart and there is not one thing I would change about him. Not one. So please, there is nothing to be sorry for. Do not pity me. I am the proud parent of a healthy baby boy with a bright future ahead of him. Someone, I feel, will change the world, even if just in a little way.

Sorry. I just had to get this off my chest. I'm so sick of the "I'm sorrys" and "Oh you poor dears" of the past few days!!

BubblyToes

You are my mommy idol.  Seriously.  I know I've told you before, but you rock.  Nora and Miles are so blessed to have such a rockin' mama.

katie277s

Some people just do not know how to react in a situation they are not familiar with.  I don't think they are doing it to be mean but don't know any other way to express their feelings, kwim?  I am sorry and as long as you know that Miles is perfect just the way he is, then that is all that matters!

elm1032004

You guys have had a lot to deal with over the past couple of months, but it sounds like you are dealing fine and these other people are just not sure what to do or say so they revert to the "I'm Sorry" or "Poor Dears".  I'm Sorry that these people are doing this to you.  You know that everything will work out and that Miles will grow into a wonderful person.  I'm sure his smile lights up the room!

princess&thepeepees

You're an amazing woman with an amazing family.  Don't let them get you down.

You have a beautiful attitude and are such an inspiration.  Hopefully your co-workers will take note of that sooner than later. 

EliseB0323

I know it's got to be annoying, but I bet people just don't know what to say/do. I bet that pretty soon the pity looks are going to be replaced with looks of admiration for your strength and grace. Just keep telling everyone that you are taking things one day at a time and that Miles is a wonderful little guy and you are blessed to be his mom.

j-w

When people look at you like that, you tell them what you just wrote right here.

xbrooklyngrl

I agree with everyone else, you are amazing and your family is strong and united.

Its hard for people to find the right words in situations that stray from what they are comfortable with.

Just know, I am not sorry for you, I think you all are awesome.

 

ETA: I AM sorry you had to go back to work so soon, that sucks for anyone that just had a baby!

Bellisimo

cooker71:

I love my little boy with all my heart and there is not one thing I would change about him. Not one. So please, there is nothing to be sorry for. Do not pity me. I am the proud parent of a healthy baby boy with a bright future ahead of him. Someone, I feel, will change the world, even if just in a little way.

Tell them this!  Seriously, I would!  I'm sure they're trying to be nice, but some people have social arrested development and don't know how to act!

cooker71

I know. I know that most people probably don't know what to say, and maybe I've been that way in the past about things like this, I honestly don't remember.

I don't necessarily fault them for it, it just gets frustrating sometimes....

DandelionMom

Your positive attitude will rub off on them soon. 

I know that DD's diagnosis isn't even comprable but we went through something a little similar when she was diagnosed.  When people heard, they wanted to sympathize with us while I was still celebrating the diagnosis.  Something as easy as celiac disease was something to jump for joy about when the doctors were talking cancer.  It wasn't easy to tune everyone out (especially since it was family and close friends) but eventually they saw it how I saw it.  I bet that'll happen for you too.

Kapalua

you're awesome...seriously.  there aren't a lot of people out there that could handle these challenges with such grace.

femmegem

You're awesome, cooker! Try not to let the BS get you down.

mlm1128

I know it must be frustrating, but I think everyone is right.  People don't know what to say or how to react.  I think I would simply tell them that there is nothing to be sorry about, you are happy as a clam with your family.

Eventually they will see how you are handling everything so well, and they will KNOW they have no reason to fell sorry for you.

Jelliebean1982

Ditto the PPs.  They just don't know what to say.  One thing I have seen about you from this board is that you're the best parent for Miles.  There are so many kids with disabilities whose parents have decided that they don't want them.  Not only are you caring for your child, but you've decided to love him for who he is.  Sadly, not all kids with disabilities get a parent like you. 

mikeandmonica

I hope that you speak up and tell people how you feel about it.  I bet that they just don't have any idea how they would react in that situation, so they automatically go to pity/sadness.  HUGS lady - I wish I could be a blocker so you wouldn't ahve to deal with them!

dnagal

Hang in there, it'll pass once your return to work is "old news".  Know that we're supporting you and rejoicing with you in sweet beautiful Miles!

Grantand

You could look at it as this: be a little sorry for them that they were not "built" in such a graceful, amazing way that they think your situation is so awful (when it's very clearly NOT awful).  I think that when people act like that, they are thinking somewhat about how THEY would feel or respond given the circumstances, and they are projecting that on you.  You're not sorry, you are strong.  They do not think they could be so strong, thus they are sorry.  I don't know that I'm explaining that very well, but the bottom line is that Miles, his Mom, and his whole family are the furthest thing from pity I have seen in a long time.  Your coworkers/etc will come around by your very actions and attitude, I am sure of it.

akimbo

EliseB0323:

I know it's got to be annoying, but I bet people just don't know what to say/do. I bet that pretty soon the pity looks are going to be replaced with looks of admiration for your strength and grace. Just keep telling everyone that you are taking things one day at a time and that Miles is a wonderful little guy and you are blessed to be his mom.

This!!

I agree that most people just aren't sure of the right thing to say. My boss' boss' boss started crying when I was thanking him for the flexibility my company gave me in the first few weeks. (ugh!)

The best advice I can give you as someone whos has been there is to bring Miles in - show him off!  It will be love at first sight

Ned&Nora

I don't post much, but I just wanted to say that you are incredible.  Not everyone would be so easily able to embrace the challenges you've faced the past few months.  And the fact that you are able to rejoice and celebrate your amazing family is so inspiring. 

 Lucky you at being able to identify the true harships in life and celebrate the blessing you have been given!  Nora & Miles (and your DH too) are so lucky to have you in their lives.  Hopefully your attitude will show those around you that you don't need their pity.  Keep smiling...you certainly have so much to smile about based solely on the adorable faces looking at me in your signature.

Sunflower777

Bellisimo:

cooker71:

I love my little boy with all my heart and there is not one thing I would change about him. Not one. So please, there is nothing to be sorry for. Do not pity me. I am the proud parent of a healthy baby boy with a bright future ahead of him. Someone, I feel, will change the world, even if just in a little way.

Tell them this!? Seriously, I would!? I'm sure they're trying to be nice, but some people have social arrested development and don't know how to act!

I agree - tell them this. Then they will be more likely to "get it." ?