Bedrest and your friends.....

IansMom

Do you expect much of your friends when you are on bedrest?  Maybe I'm being a little sensitive, but I feel like I have fallen off the face of the earth when it comes to my friends.  I am on modified bedrest and send my two children to camp during the week so I am home alone and can't do much because of the restrictions.  Well, I have been on BR for 7 weeks now and have had one visit frm a friend for lunch.  Other than that, nothing and I hardly even hear frm them on email.  I try to keep up with the email on my end but I'm at the point where why am I trying so hard?  Sometimes I think I am expecting too much because life does go on for the others and their kids but I guess an email or phone call would be nice every now and then?  Anybody else feel the same way or am I being selfish?

kristin0910

I completely understand where you are coming from. I've been on bedrest for the past 13 weeks and have 10 more weeks to go. This is my third pregnancy-- we lost the first two at 22 and 21 weeks gestation respectively. I am currently at 26 weeks and am a little shocked at how everyone says things like "I'll have to come over for lunch" or "I'll have to stop by to visit", etc. and then they never do. People call on the rare occasion, but in 13 weeks, I have literally had 2 visits. I too understand that people have lives, but the assumption that bedrest is a piece of cake and that this is a great way to get rest before the baby gets here simply drives me crazy.  I too try to keep up with people via email, facebook, etc, but after awhile you feel desperate always being the one to make contact.

mrsjrmiller

Today is the one week anniversary of my start to bed rest so I may be too new at this to answer the question but I will say that everyone has said - oh, what can I do for you and my answer is VISIT ME! I am usually very social and always on the go so being confined is tough - I think I am actually dealing with a bit of depression because of this.... but I am also asking people to come visit me. I have sent an email or made a phone call and said, I am feeling a little blue and would love to have a visitor... so far (again only 1 week in) I have had a good number of visitors.... one of my good friends today came and as she was leaving she called her mom to see if she would regularly watch her son on Tuesday's so we could make this a regular thing!  I know it is hard to ask people to visit and seems a little pathetic - but I am here all day with no hubby, and no DS and going insane so I do not mind seeming a little pathetic. A friend is coming for lunch tomorrow and my sister tomorrow evening - and I am super excited and have something to look forward to! Maybe that could work for you??  Sorry you are feeling neglected!

one_more_girl

I didn't have many visitors either during my bedrest.  I have more girlfriends now than I ever have in my life, but most of them lived at least 30 minutes away and all work full time.  It's a lot to ask for them to come, especially during the week!  I did get depressed, especially when visitors (MIL and Mom) would come and then just take off outside to play with DH and I was left inside alone, again!  I really don't think that people understand how hard emotionally bedrest is on a person.  If they did they would probably be a lot more supportive.  I do know that if I had a friend on bedrest I would visit and also offer to help around the house.  But if I hadn't gone through it myself maybe I wouldn't know to do those things. I agree that you should ask politely if you need some company, if they are really friends and know you are in need they will make time to come visit you!  If they don't respond I wouldn't count them as a friend.  Hopefully you will have some good luck with this!  I have one "friend" shes actually the wife of my husbands good friend who I haven't seen in the past 4 months.  She does live 45 minutes away but she just has made no effort to visit at all.  Even when her husband helped us move she didn't bother to come with to help or even just to hang out with me while I sat around watching the guys moving things. She did buy us a very nice shower gift, but her coming to visit just once would have honestly meant more to me.  People just don't realize how much thier presence means unless they are in the same boat (alone for 8 or more hours a day).

Thanks goodness for the bump!   

misscinn

hi kristin,

can i ask you about your 2 losses? what caused them?

i'm happy that you've passed 21/22 wk mark & wish you the best of luck!

?

MrsSmith81

I rarely had friends/visitors. The phone calls pretty much stopped and really didn't pick up even after I got off bedrest. It was like everyone was terrified I was going to go into labor in the middle of plans so they just avoided us and it stunk.

kristin0910

Sure....my first loss (stillbirth) was due to a blood clot that formed and got lodged in her placenta. It had been an absolutely normal pregnancy until 21 weeks and then my blood pressure got really high. They did an ultrasound to check on baby and saw that there was very little amniotic fluid. The doctors admitted me to the hospital on a Friday night and by Saturday morning, there was no heartbeat. I delivered Sunday morning and we had the option to autopsy her, but my husband and I couldn't bring ourselves to make that decision, so we decided to do genetic testing on her placenta. That is when they found the clot.

 So, 18 months later when I got pregnant again, my new OB put me on heparin and had me come to the office every two weeks so that they could monitor my BP closely. Again, everything went perfectly until week 19. I was at work (I'm a pharmacist and on my feet all day) and something didn't feel right. I figured that I was just being a little paranoid since I was coming up to the same time in the first pregnancy when things started going south. I called the OB to be on the safe side and he told me to come into the office. I went in, and he did an exam only to find out that my cervix was ripping open and the baby's amniotic sac was bulging through. They admitted me to the hospital immediately and did a rescue cerlage that night. The cerclage held for about 2.5 weeks until one morning it ripped through completely. At that point, there was nothing that could be done, so I delivered another little girl who was with us for 22 minutes before passing away.

 So, here I am at age 37 with pregnancy number 3. I had an abdominal cerclage placed on April 1 when I was 13w4d pregnant. The abdominal cerclage is different in that it is a permanent cerclage that is placed by making an abdominal incision and then the stitch is placed at the top of the cervix as opposed to the bottom of the cervix (transvaginal cerclage). The abdominal cerclage is in there forever and all pregnancies must be delivered via C-sect. since the cervix is, for all intents, tied shut permanently. Normally there is a short recovery period and then women go back to work, but because of my job, my high risk OB didn't want me on my feet for upwards of 10-12 hours a day, so we have decided to go the bedrest route from week 13 to week 37 when I am scheduled to deliver.

 I go weekly for cervical lengths and progesterone shots and gestational diabetes monitoring and starting this Monday, I start going twice weekly for non-stress tests. So, so far, so good. I just came back from the maternal-fetal-medicine office and the surgery has been extremely successful so far! The cervix is holding up perfectly, there is a nice pocket of amniotic fluid around the baby, and he's developing well. We can't ask for too much more!

So, that's my story. For the first time in three pregnancies we've been able to feel a little optimistic and even got the courage to buy nursery furniture. We've never been able to even get to the point of feeling positive enought that the pregnancy would be healthy enough to make a purchase like this, so buying a crib was a huge deal!

I hope that all is well with you and your baby. Bedrest is not fun, but I feel so absolutely blessed to have been able to get to this point with a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby that I try not to ever complain about the boredom. It's so easy to take a easy, healthy pregnancy for granted, so I truly try to take each day as a milestone. Good luck to you and your baby!

Take care and keep in touch!