udpate on our foster son and situation.

MayDayGirl

We've had our FS for 11 weeks.  We recently found out his mom is going to ask us to become his guardians (we've been expecting it).  It's a legal term of sorts that means we're his acting "parents" but it can be undone at any time by his mom.

We're not 100% comfortable with this idea because we can't fathom having him taking from us years down the road.  That wouldn't be good for anyone, especially him.

A meeting is suppose to be taking place soon (we're not sure when) in which his mom will ask us to do this.  We plan to tell her we will adopt him, and see where that goes.

It would be best for him if he kept living with us, and we all know this, but we don't know if she'd let him go.

So if you wouldn't mind, if you pray, please be praying for the situation.  We have no idea what the outcome will be.

Thanks!

jacksjerseygirl

Good luck to you! Maybe the idea will be more appealing (for lack of better word) to her if you consider open adoption - and it is explained to her the terms that you would be comfortable with. She would still perhaps get to visit him (as often as you are comfortable with but state it up front how often that would be) but in the end he is legally your son.

julandjo

I think and pray about your (S's) situation all the time.  It must be so tough for you.  God is really putting you to work! 

kirstenw05

I have legal guardianship over my 10 yo neice, and her mother asked us to take her when she was 7.5. From my experience, if she at some point wantd to take back custody and terminate our guardianship, she would have to go to court and prove that it would be in the best interest of the child to have it reversed. Just as she has to now prove to the foster sytem that she can parent her child (which clearly she can't).

So, I say this to let you know that guardianships can be a BIG benefit because you do have total legal control, where as foster, you do not. You are also 1 step closer to adoption with a guardianship because in most states, guardianships can be translated into adoption quite easily. There is MUCH less hasltle and hurdles that have to be overcome.

Just wanted to give my 2 cents so you are encouraged that if it goes this way, it isn't such a bad idea IMO. Taking guardianship does not eliminate the possibility of adoption, consider it a step in the process that will make you more his "parents" than just being a straight foster family.

MayDayGirl

Hey Kristen.  We're not working with the state foster care system, so she would be voluntarily giving up guardianship.  Which is different than what your situation is like.

kirstenw05

MayDayGirl:

Hey Kristen.  We're not working with the state foster care system, so she would be voluntarily giving up guardianship.  Which is different than what your situation is like.

Either did we. My former SIL (BM to both kids) knocked on our door and asked us to take Kaitlin almost 3 years ago. She wasnt in foster and had never been outside her home. She knew she couldn't provide, so she asked us to take guardianship. She wasnt comfortable yet giving up full rights and letting us adopt.

2 years later is when she had the baby that was taken by the state due to drug use and we became emergency foster and are now adopting. This situation is completely separate from my 10 yo who has never been in foster.

Just wanted to clarify.

katiejo11

oh goodness! i'll continue to pray for the best for all involved; especailly S.

MayDayGirl

kirstenw05:

MayDayGirl:

Hey Kristen.  We're not working with the state foster care system, so she would be voluntarily giving up guardianship.  Which is different than what your situation is like.

Either did we. My former SIL (BM to both kids) knocked on our door and asked us to take Kaitlin almost 3 years ago. She wasnt in foster and had never been outside her home. She knew she couldn't provide, so she asked us to take guardianship. She wasnt comfortable yet giving up full rights and letting us adopt.

2 years later is when she had the baby that was taken by the state due to drug use and we became emergency foster and are now adopting. This situation is completely separate from my 10 yo who has never been in foster.

Just wanted to clarify.

oh! I didn't realize that.  can I email with you?

come*on*baby

kirsten - yours seems more of a "kinship/ficitive relative placement" over foster care even though the state took her, since you do have the her sister.

MyColonyNJ

wishing you all the best.  I, too, would not be comfortable with just being his legal guardian.  There is no permancy for him at all.  If he is going to be with your forever, he needs to feel that and you need to KNOW that.

Plus, you can't live your life not knowing if now will be when she wants him back.

I would suggest an open adoption agreement with her over guardianship.

{{Prayers}} to you and your family

LadyRed7

You are in my prayers, and you are a strong woman. I admire foster parents so much for taking care of children like you do with the risk involved!

 (by the way.... i love your new siggy photo)! 

PSU-NCBride

Will be thinking of you as well. I'm so thankful for caring people like yourself who are strong enough to do this.?

maddieg78

good luck!!

517butterfly

You and your family will def be in my thoughts & prayers! 

sunnybrook.

What a tough position. Does she know that you don't plan on being in the area long term? I would definitely discuss open adoption with your DH and decide what you would/would not be comfortable with and then present this to her at your meeting. Good luck!!

kirstenw05

come*on*baby:

kirsten - yours seems more of a "kinship/ficitive relative placement" over foster care even though the state took her, since you do have the her sister.

Um, no. You have it backwards. She is asking specifically about LEGAL GUARDIANSHIP which has NOTHING to do with my foster/adopt baby. This is in regards to the 10 year old alone. She has no relation to the foster/kinship/relative placement situation AT ALL.

come*on*baby

kirsten - i was speaking of your youngest, not your oldest when I said "since you do have her sister (the oldest, your niece). there is no reason to take such a "non-happy" tone with what I said. I completely understand that your niece was never "in the system".

kirstenw05

didnt mean to be snippy - I understand you were trying to explain my youngest, and what I am trying to explain is that the discussion had nothing to do with my youngest. She was asking about guardianship - so the youngest has no bearing on that topic.

No snip - just clarification.

2bWednDec

MyColonyNJ:

wishing you all the best.  I, too, would not be comfortable with just being his legal guardian.  There is no permancy for him at all.  If he is going to be with your forever, he needs to feel that and you need to KNOW that.

Plus, you can't live your life not knowing if now will be when she wants him back.

I would suggest an open adoption agreement with her over guardianship.

{{Prayers}} to you and your family

ditto this.  I feel so bad for you and pray things work out.  The thought of that happening to us has been my worst nightmare.