Feeling irritated, insulted, and guilty all at the same time
Okay first of all let me say a few precursory things. One this might be long. Two I want to clarify that I have nothing against WIC and I think it's a fabulous program for those who need it. And three I have to keep in perspective this is coming from a 19 year old and I am 29.
Okay so my cousin calls today and we are talking. Somehow we got to talking about birth control and she informs me she isn't on any right now. She is married, has just started a nursing program, and her husband is the only one working right now. I have no clue how much he makes, nor do I want to know because it isn't my business. I ask her why she isn't on any because she has always said that she wants to wait a while before she has kids. She tells me that it was costing her $60 every three weeks and that was just too much to her. So I tell her well I hope ya'll are being careful, because let me say that a baby could be more expensive than $60 every three weeks. Maybe I shouldn't have said that but it's the truth.
She then says well aren't you taking the year off. I tell her yes. She says well are you going to get on WIC. I was a little put off by this. Like I said I am glad they have WIC because I know there are people who need it but I have to say that I am glad I am not one of those. She doesn't have a clue what Wes makes, because it all falls back to the it isn't anyones business except mine and his. I guess what irritated me was that we planned this baby, we planned my year off, and we made sure that we'd be good to go. Plus add the fact that I just turned 29, we have been married 3 years this Wednesday, own our own house and we are financially stable. But somehow my 19 year old cousin just made me feel like she thought we were jumping into this.
She has been married since December and they live in a house that his parents bought for them, so she has no mortgage or rent, and her parents still pay for her car insurance. Plus both sets of parents are always buying stuff for them. So she doesn't really know what it's like to truly live on her own, at least not in my opinion. We don't get any help, nor need any help from our parents. I'm not sure why she thought we'd have to go on WIC just because I am taking a year off of work. And I am also not sure why this is bothering me so much.
Sorry I know that I shouldn't be offended by it. I just feel stupid for letting this bother me when I should consider the source. And I feel like a snot because I was offended that someone would assume I had to get on WIC just because I am taking the year off. I chose to take the year off, and doesn't she think that I am smart enough to make sure things would be fine before I did that. It wasn't a rash quick decision. But I also don't like people assuming I am in over my head when a) I am not and b) they don't know a clue about finances.
Okay sorry for rambling, and thanks for letting me vent.
Re: Feeling irritated, insulted, and guilty all at the same time
she may not understand what WIC is - and like KC said - if a lot of her friends have had babies and are on the program - it may be the "norm"
sort of like when my husband thought all women went on bed rest when they were pregnant - he thought it was just what pg women did! ha!
but yeah, I can see how you're upset - she's just young.
Sounds a lot like my sister who is 23 and pg...
TTC #2 since 4/09
Unexplained Secondary IF
*****************************
4 failed rounds of clomid ~ 4 failed IUIs ~ 1 m/c
2/3/11: IUI #5 - Femara/Follistim/Ovidrel/Crinone = BFP (2/14)!!!
Beta #1 (12dpiui): 53 Beta #2 (14dpiui): 203 Beta #3 (20dpiui): 3932 Beta #4 (28dpiui): 60,775
1st U/S (3/3): 2 sacs & yolks 2nd U/S (3/8) 2 heartbeats-TWINS!
Baby A:6w6d HR 131 Baby B:6w4d HR 124
TWINS!! EDD 10/25/2011
I think she probably just thinks if one "can" get help, they should just do it, if they aren't working. This is because she would do it, or thinks most people do...or it comes with not having a job and being pregnant-but it's really not something she meant for you to take personally. She probably just thinks everyone takes advantage of those sort of programs and doesn't know any differently. It immature, and I don't think she meant that you couldn't do without it.
I am also wondering what kind of BC cost that much! I guess maybe there is an insurance issue? Regardless, she should be more responsible, as you noted, so I would take everything she says with several grains of salt
I agree that she's just young and doesn't know any better. She probably didn't think nearly as much about as you did.
I bought my house when I was 24 and single. I'm 31 now, been married for 3 years. At my shower, I was talking to a few cousins (all older w/ older kids - think teens) about my plans to breastfeed and how besides it being what was best for the baby, I was also financially motivated b/c of the cost of formula. One of them immediately piped up and said - "girl just get on WIC". I replied that I didn't really want to defraud the government. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best response but I was trying not to say that our combined income was too high. She then said, it's not defrauding the govt if you qualify, to which I said I was sure I didn't. She then proceeded to tell me the salary caps for singles and couples and I just kind of had this look on my face reading "yeah, like I said, I don't qualify".
I've always tried to avoid conversations about money, especially with family. And I try to keep from seeming like I think I'm better than others, but sometimes it's just awkward, you know? I still couldn't help but think - she knows what kind of work I do, she knows what DH does and his approximate salary b/c they're both city employees. I felt backed into a corner!
Yeah I was wondering about the pills too. It's more than likely an insurance issue. At my last job we had a $300 deductible so I had to pay outright for my pills - around $45-$50 every month until I met the deductible, then I only got reimbursed 80%.
Since she was concerned about how you would cope financially, maybe you should suggest to her that she get pills from the Health Department. Their clinics give out BCP for free - and give 12 month supplies. I'm not sure if you have to take your doc's Rx w/ you or not. I do happened to have a friend who "defrauds" the goverment b/c she has insurance like I did where you have to pay for them outright. It annoys me b/c I know she can afford them - just being cheap. Another factor that adds to the rising cost of health care in the US - too many people using the system when they don't NEED to.
She said the Nuva Ring was going to cost her $60 every three weeks because of insurance reasons until she reached her deductible. I asked her why doesn't she just get on a pill then, because like pp said the health dept is free, but she said she doesn't like the pill. I think she has a problem remembering to take it. So she says they are being careful, so I assume that means condoms, but I did suggest to her if she wasn't going to use a pill, patch, etc. that maybe she should read TCOYF and read up on how the body works and use charting as a form of avoiding. I don't know if she'll do it but at least I put it out there.
My point exactly and that's why I told her that a child was more expensive than $60 every three weeks. And somehow she took that as I was trying to say that we couldn't afford our baby (which is so not the case). I was simply trying to make her understand that she needed to do something or she'd be up a creek without a paddle and it backfired on me. Guess that's what I get