how do you do this?

kaydee_2008

I'm about to start keeping a log of everything that happens with DD's BF. I'm just not sure what all to put. Do I write down every conversation? He lives with his mom and dad still do I put that? His parents (not him no job) give me a check every week would that be considered child support even though it is not coming from him? I just dont want to take them to court and have all this just thrown out. Any advice? TIA

mhwood

With the way the economy is, the fact that he lives with his parents or doesn't have a job probably won't be used against him unless you can show that he chooses to remain unemployed which would be difficult to do.

As far a log goes, it should be concerning him and the child...or how his actions affect the child. 

RedHeadedLeo85

wendilea:

I don't have any definate plans for using it, but I mark down in my calendar when visits are scheduled, if he changes plans/doesn't show, when/if he calls, how long the call lasted, if the girls call him.  I print out any emails/ims that are significant.  It's all in my "just in case" file.

this!

kjanderson

 I record it all.  But, we are going to mediation next week.  So lots of things are up in the air and I am fighting for my time, and to get a finalized parenting plan and we have had a temporary plan in place for over a year.  So, I have it all...conversations, what time he called, when I called him back, what he said, when he did/didn't come for visitation, when he fed DS, etc.

mhwood

You have to be careful because "recording" things that don't apply will make you look petty and foolish.

DREWLILY

I keep a log of everything! We have one for all the days we have SD including pick up times and drop off times; then we have a separate one for crazy things that BM does. I just mark the date down and give a brief explanation and if I have additional info (like emails or texts) I reference those. We are fighting for full custody right now, so our lawyer said we need to document every little thing and she'll decide later what stuff we will be using.

luckyangel

Just notate everything.  Our lawyer had us basically do a chronological outline like we used to do in school, and then put a colored dot next to each item which would refer back to a key...in our case:

Green dots were issues involving the ex asking for extra $, saying her utilities had been shut off for non payment, she couldnt afford food for the kids, etc.  Anything involving money

Red was anything involving her mental health-calls saying she couldnt handle the kids, calls about her medication/therapy, anytime she said her anxiety was too bad again, etc.

Blue was the kid's health: when they were sick, what they had, whether or not she had taken them to the doc, when they were sent to us with soiled underwear, when they came over and she told us they hadnt been bathed all week because her water was shut off etc.

Brown was visitation issues:  she was a no show, she was late, she tried to change visitation times, she didnt show up to pick them back up, she called and said she couldnt take them back because she was drunk, etc.

Orange was anything involving the kid's school:  she didnt take them, they were late, BM refused to give us info about a school function, etc.

 

It was tedious but in our case it totally paid off. We were able to show a consistant pattern (actually multiple ones) of behavior with BM.  

The only other thing is-check your state laws.  In Illinois you can NOT record phone conversations unless you tell the person at the beginning of the conversation and have them recorded verbally agreeing to be recorded.  It's a felony if you do not have that agreement recorded.  That being said-since BM wouldnt ever agree to it-I got really good at typing and doing short hand.    The last thing you want to do is get yourselves in trouble.