this may sound horrible but...

mommyof6

my ex and I have been divorced for almost 2 years, we have 4 kids together.  Im involved with another man we have a 6 month old together and another baby on the way.  I chose to leave my husband and ever since I have known that i did the wrong thing.  I love the guy im with now but i have never gotten over my husband nor do i think i ever will.... so he calls me today and begs me to come home.  I dont want to hurt the one im with now but im not truely happy here,  i know i should have thought about that before i had kids with this man but i never thought that getting my husband back was possible so i tried to move on.  Am I wrong for even thinking about going back?

lizlopez23

I don't think this is nearly enough information for anyone to to be able to answer your question, why'd you leave your husband in the first place? How old are your kids? This sounds like a bad situation and I can't imagine how confusing this is for the kids. You need to figure it out quick because kids need stability and it sounds like they are not getting that, and won't be if you are flip flopping between your ex h and your bf. Sounds like you need to figure out what is best for the kids and stick with it. 

Marc's Mrs.

I agree with PP - not enough info for a group of internet strangers to answer your questions.  You say your ex wants you (and obviously the kids you have together) back but what about your babies w/ another daddy?  Is he prepared to love them and raise them too?  :::too many questions:::

RedHeadedLeo85

lizlopez23:

I don't think this is nearly enough information for anyone to to be able to answer your question, why'd you leave your husband in the first place? How old are your kids? 

This

mommyof6

ok let me add more to it...  I left my husband because he had been cheating on me for quite some time.  my kids are 9 5 3 2 and 6 months and they do have stability.  They have no idea what is going on as i am very careful with what i say around them.  i also never said that i would go back..  i also have concern for the 2 kids i have with the bf.... but i believe if mom isnt happy then the kids cant be happy. 

smacb

I bet your kids are more aware then you think.  I'd try counseling.  Jumping in and out of relationships isn't the answer.  Your kids happiness is separate from yours.  Sometimes being a parent means putting your kids before your own happiness.

soyaddict

smacb:

I bet your kids are more aware then you think.  I'd try counseling.  Jumping in and out of relationships isn't the answer.  Your kids happiness is separate from yours.  Sometimes being a parent means putting your kids before your own happiness.

This. 

meggiekins

Ditto PP, get some counseling. There were obviously real issues in your first marriage that made you want to get out, and then you immediately jumped into another LTR that now has issues as well. I think having an objective party to talk out these issues with would be really helpful. Just remember, whatever issues were in the first marriage won't automatically be gone because time and distance have dimmed your memory of them. And then what would that do to your children, especially from the 1st marriage, if those issues again caused your marriage to end?

 

SpecialWife

If he was cheating on you I can't recommend that you get back with him. Kids know what's going on(Dh's mom has been married 4 times and has had other drama). Please realize how aware they are a ndcreate a calm home for them before looking for your own love and happiness. I know you deserve a loving SO but please put your kids first. It really hurts them to see mom go from guy to guy(not saying you do this, just making a point).  GL with whatever you choose.

Mrs.Astros_Fan

Get thee to counseling ASAP!!!  Your kids might not know what's going on now, but they will down the road. 

justasteelmagnolia

I agree...get counseling. I also suggest maybe being alone for a while. But I think that is easier said than done especially with another baby on the way. You never really got over eh so I think all of these feelings are a result of that. The grass isn't always greener and I GUARANTEE that if you did get back with him...you would quickly remember why you left him to begin with.

august06mom

mommyof6:

but i believe if mom isnt happy then the kids cant be happy. 

And sometimes mom needs to put her happiness on the back burner for the sake of stability for the kids.

taagent

From another perspective let me say this.  My SD's BM has gone from essentially relationship to relationship.  She was with her H, then decided the relationship was over and slept with a couple other guys, got pg with a second child from one of these guys and her H left.  She then started dating another guy, then my DH, had a 3rd child with DH and is now in a really rocky relationship with a bf that is coming close to ending...all the while still married to her H. 

My BIGGEST fear is that one day my SD will realize BM jumped from man to man, relationship to relationship.  Whatever I feel about BM I know it would crush my SD to see BM in that light.  However, I know that it will eventually come out because of some sad truths she will learn at some point (ie, DH's name isn't on her birth certificate). 

Whether you think they realize it now or not, they will eventually and I sure your 9 year old isn't stupid and can put two and two together without much help. 

If you aren't happy in your current relationship leave the relationship and be by yourself!  There is nothing wrong with that!

krys2729

august06mom:

mommyof6:

but i believe if mom isnt happy then the kids cant be happy. 

And sometimes mom needs to put her happiness on the back burner for the sake of stability for the kids.

this.  but, i hear condoms, birth control, or hysterectomies really help in the happiness department.  i would try that ASAP.  then maybe focus on your kids for a bit instead of either of the men in your life.  just an idea.

RedHeadedLeo85

Im not a see-er of the future, but I see this post being a DD...

sprky79

Ladies, please don't feed the MUDDY TROLL, she'll only come back for seconds...

hindsight's_a_biotch

You need therapy.

Lots of it.

Apparently, you're entire self worth is wrapped up in a man's opinion of you.

Phantomgirl

So are you asking if we think you should continue hoping from relationship to relationship?  Um no I think you should stop your self-worth and for the sake of your kids and get some counseling for you all.

luckyangel

Do you think pregnancy hormones could be playing into this? 

I would wait until your baby comes and spend some time getting used to the changes in your life. If at that time you really still feel this way then its up to you.  That being said, any guy who cheats on you for a long time-can never be trusted.  If he lied to you once you will never really know if he would do it again.  I couldnt live my life like that or put my children into an unknown situation like that.

J+R

You got pregnant like 3 weeks after having your other baby? This is MUD right?

jpowell3

wendilea:

You got out of a bad relationship, jumped into another and immediately got pregnant, and are now pregnant again.  You not only need counseling, you need birth control.

If you haven't learned this yet, having babies will not make a man love you, stay faithful, or stay in a relationship. 6 kids is a lot of stress on ANY relationship, particularly hard on an already strained one.  What makes you think your ex-h will not cheat on you again, that he has changed so miraculously in less than 2 years, and that he will accept the 2 children you created in his absence into his home and his heart?

If you are unhappy in your current relationship, put your efforts into either fixing it or getting out.  If you choose to get out, stay on your own, keep your legs closed, and try just being single for a while.  Going back to your ex is most likely the worst of all your options right now.

 

This may sound harsh, but it is good advice. He cheated on you. YOU, the mother of his children, the woman he made vows with to love & honor for the rest of his life, why should you even go back to him? You can't mean that much to him, he just may be feeling sorry for his actions now. Also, lets say for some unknown reason you did leave your current man & go back to him, will he whole-heartedly be accepting of your 2 "new" kids? How could he be a good step-father and role model in their life when he couldn't do it right the first time around? My ex was very manipulative & would constantly call & beg me to come back to him & make me feel like I was being a bad mother by "tearing the family apart.."  I would cry every night & feel guilty until I realized that I left him for a good reason. He is pissed off that he lost me and that isn't my problem to deal with. Now you were a strong, smart woman to leave your ex when you found out he was cheating. Let go of all the hurt, pain, love & wonder you still have for him. Just let it go & promise yourself not to turn back. Now you can focus on your current relationship & if it fails then you can tell yourself that you did everything you could. Good luck.