Offering our DC choices and oppty to make decisions

pugowner210

I'm reading Unplugging Power Struggles and it says something I already knew which is the biggest way we can avoid power struggles and encourage our children's growth is to offer choices and permit and encourage them to make decisions appropriate with their age and developmental stage to give them a sense of personal power and control over themselves and their environment. Can you give me some examples of how you do this with your DC? I'm looking to do this a lot more often with my DD because we end up in multiple power struggles a day and I just am not good yet at coming up with times when I can offer his these opportunities.

mbg8r

Any time there is a potential power struggle. Ex. Do you want chicken or fish for lunch...Do you want me to put you in your carseat or do you want to climb...do you want to wear pants or a skirt OR do you want to wear this outfit or this one...this is a great one - if she is being fussy about playing - do you want to color or paint me a picture (or show her all the cryons and have her pick her favorite)...bathtime: do you want to play with your beach toys or your squirt toys in the bathtub (or which toys do you want to play with in the tub).

I could go on and on. LOL.

Yodajo

mbg8r:

Any time there is a potential power struggle. Ex. Do you want chicken or fish for lunch...Do you want me to put you in your carseat or do you want to climb...do you want to wear pants or a skirt OR do you want to wear this outfit or this one...this is a great one - if she is being fussy about playing - do you want to color or paint me a picture (or show her all the cryons and have her pick her favorite)...bathtime: do you want to play with your beach toys or your squirt toys in the bathtub.

I could go on and on. LOL.

Ditto.  Once you get start doing this, it gets very easy to do.

elm1032004

I started offering choices to my DD once she was able to express a preference for things.  For example I might say

"Do you want a banana or an apple?"  "Which shirt do you want to wear today (with a choice of 2)?"

 My DS is under 2 and really hasn't started fighting me on choices so I'll wait until he does to offer choices to him as well.....

Jen2124

I agree with the pp's. I usually offer a choice between 2 things. I have given them choices with a bunch of things (example: "Which sticker do you want?"....where there are a ton to choose from)....and you can tell it is much harder for them to decide when there are more choices. They keep changing their minds and/or staring at the choices and saying "ummmmm....."....it's almost like it is too overwhelming. I think it works better to offer a choice or 2, but not a TON, if that makes sense.

mbg8r

The idea is that you want to direct them to make a decision about whatever it is you need them to do at the time. Getting dressed, pick an outfit...bathtime, pick a towel or toys...getting in the car, something to bring in the car or how to get in. The goal is to get them dressed, bathed, in the car...allowing them to focus on a choice about those things will distract them from the fact that they don't want to do it.

It gets harder as they get older, but by then you'll be a pro.

bubu

If we are at the park and it's almost time to leave I will ask her if she wants to leave now or in 5 min. Sometimes she says now which is surprising. After her swim class they offer three types of snacks and she gets to make a choice of what she wants. My Dh and I bought her princess socks from Target and she likes to wear them at night so we ask her if she wants Cinderella, or Sleeping Beauty. We read the book Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood and offering kids choices was there big theory much like the book you read. We don't follow everything in the book, not yet anyway, and we just have to realize that some stuff isn't worth fighting over. If she wants to wear two different colored socks outdoors then that's ok. Just try to give your dd a choice between two or three things like which book to read, what kind of snack to eat, what type of juice to drink, simple stuff.

Reagan's Mommy

Ditto pp's.  If you really stop to think about it, there are TONS of things you can offer choices of.

Do you want the pink plate or the purple one?

Do you want to wear the green shirt or the blue shirt?

Do you want your sandwich cut into squares or triangles?

I also read the Love and Logic book mentioned above and thought it was really helpful.

 

soxfan

Another one that I have used often -- do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way.  The hard way you will cry.   Sounds terrible but it does work when they really don't have a choice. 

Like it's time to go, put your coat on.  The easy way is you do it - the hard way is mommy will make you do it and you will cry.

He always picks the easy way now after learning....